How do people cope with breaking up with someone they really care about and don't want to hurt? I don't want to have any regret. I love my boyfriend so much?

My boyfriend has been nothing but so good towards me as well as be so supportive.
I have been really sick lately and he has coped and been so supportive, helping me through my health issues. And i have a lot of stress with my family but he's helped me cope with that as well. Just having him be there for me has helped. He treats me so well. Does the nicest things like treat me to the spa with my mom. And give me flowers and does nice things with gifts or on dates. And he visits me when ever he gets the chance to. I really don't take him for granted. I appreciate everything he does for me.
I love him so much for being the best he can be with me.
We have been dating over a year now and before we were together he was aware of me going to school in Vancouver (across Canada from where I'm originally from.) My boyfriend and I have been fully prepared to work out long distance. Now that I have three months left before I go to school. He does say he's worried that he'll lose his best friend, and last thing I said was "you won't lose me, I'm not gone forever, its only a year, it would work out. we just need to do lots of skypeing and sending things to one another in the mail, that sort of thing." The fact that I'm thinking differently now makes me feel like an asshole.
who ever is reading this is probably thinking "why the fuck would you consider breaking up with him being so good to me?" Well... keep reading until the end and it will help you understand and make sense why I am thinking the way I am.

***I don't have enough room to explain so i will Finnish in the comments for the rest of my explanation.
Finishing up the part about me going to school. Initially my boyfriend is planning to move out to Vancouver to live there with me if I decide to stay there for work. He said he would search for some work there. He's currently working now and will be working through the year that I'm gone for school. it's not a permanent job my boyfriend works at so he can easily find work in his type of field.
Let me note as well that no way is this idea of breaking up having to do with long-distance. I would make it work
100% because I love him that much and I don't take him for granted. I know we can trust each other completely with not cheating etc because we have a lot of devotion for one another.
My boyfriend has wanted to help me with temporary funds for when I go to school, but I told him that I don't want to accept that. I'm too stubborn and independent to do that. Plus I find accepting someone's money could be complicated.


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What Guys Said 2

  • It sounds to me like, perhaps you want to break up due to more of a self esteem issue, I think you are over complicating this, and feel guilty that this guy is making such a big deal over you when you think so little of yourself. I think too you have a lot of perfectionist tendencies and the stubborn and independent thing is more so to not look weak. Just my opinion. However if you do break up with this guy, chances are the guilt would eat you alive, he seems genuine unless there is something you haven't told us yet. Most women, would give their left leg to find such a guy, and so many are also much the same as you too in my opinion, are not appreciative of a great guy like him. Even if you were dying of some terrible disease I wouldn't dump him. You are enough and do deserve a great guy like him, by the way, just enjoy it and make it work, it can if both of you work at it.

    • well you seem like you have a level headed mind and don't mind me i just need to vent. because honestly he is a great guy to me. i don't take him for granted. let me explain my issues with my boyfriend. usually I see my boyfriend on the weekends. I had the opportunity recently to be with him for a full week, which was very nice but it also let me see more of him than I usually see.
      The main issue is his anger issue. He gets so overly angry and frustrated over the smallest things. It kind of puts me on edge/ nervous when he gets like that. He has said a couple things to me that has bothered me but he's always apologized for it. But in all honesty he has never hurt me, ever. He's been great as I have explained, But with his anger and frustration he can be cold.

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    • You're welcome. I hope I'm not coming off too harsh here, I want both of you to be successful.
      The sister approach is good as is the talking about the problem with him. One of the best ways to approach a man with any problem is to say "There's something bothering me, can we talk about it?" The worst way that is very common among women is the "We have to talk." saying the have to talk sounds bad to a guy and he immediately thinks he's in trouble. By all means do come up with a plan together that is win win for both of you.

    • For you some resources to study would be Renee wade's blog
      Also Susie and Otto Collins, Susie and Otto although older than we are have great insights into getting things right.
      My personal favorite is
      Mimi knows her stuff when it comes to relationships.

      The perfectionist thing is very common for introverts. We tend to over think everything. Also keep in mind that's because we want to control things too.

  • You have absolutely no reason to break up with him. You are coming up with solutions to supposed 'problems' in your questions anyway, but you STILL want to break up. Seriously, if I was that guy, I would be shattered because my SO would be breaking up for no valid reason, and no fault of mine. It would also make me skeptical about dating someone again.

    Whatever your concerns are, talk to him and try to resolve them. Breaking up is easy, but there is no going back.

    • stupid site doesn't let me finish explaining.
      so ill point in point form here. he has an anger/frustration issue, doesn't like kids (which maybe in the future i would like kids, 3 he doesn't make goals for himself. I'm feeling like im the only one motivating him. i feel like he should be learning how to in some way. The main issue is his anger issue. He gets so overly angry and frustrated over the smallest things. It kind of puts me on edge/ nervous when he gets like that. He has said a couple things to me that has bothered me but he's always apologized for it. But in all honesty he has never hurt me, ever. He's been great as I have explained, But with his anger and frustration he can be cold. Like for example his dad came up to ask him a simple q, and right away he replied quickly and was so cold and Stern toward him.

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    • But these things are reg flag sings to me because honestly I don't want to end up with him being so comfortable with me thinking that its okay to be cold, withdrawn and antisocial. I understand being introverted because I'm like that but he's to a different level with it. I'm so afraid he'll end up that way with me. And I don't want to end up living with someone that will be like that. If it wasn't for that I could feel 100% confident with long distance. But just knowing this stuff with him makes me wonder if it's really worth the risk and heartache for the year apart. I don't want to be selfish and hold onto him through the year just to expect this outcome after. But I really don't want to hurt him or regret my decision.

    • Now I get it. Anger issues can be an issue, and is a justifiable reason to break up.

What Girls Said 1

  • I kinda skimmed through most of this,

    • Oops, hit send earlier, but it sounds like you have a really good thing going and a really great guy. Your reasons for breaking up seem to be because you want to help make his life easier because you care about him, but you cannot make that decision for him. He has chosen to be with you and stay with you, so you should respect that and appreciate it and love him all the more for everything he's given you. If you have your own personal reasons why you want to break up, like wanting to date someone else, not wanting to do distance, etc etc, those are valid points. But you cannot break up with some on because you are trying to do the best for them, because you don't really know what's best for them, and it sounds like this guy thinks you are.

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