Ex girlfriend of 4 years left me due to alcohol verbal abuse, need help, since then, I've been sober for 2 months what should I do if she ignores me?

Hi, long story short I've dated my ex girlfriend for 4 years and for the first 3 years it was great but for the last year I don't know what happened to me that I started hanging out with the wrong guy friends and I ended up becoming an alcoholic. But to be clear, I never hurt her physically, cheated on her, or ever insulted her family because they were always there for me just like I was always there for her, to her friends and to my family we were the perfect couple we had so much together and I now I feel like dying because I let all that sweetness go because of alcohol and hanging out with the wrong crowd for the last year. Last year around this month we went clubbing and I got so wasted I hurt her, Last year in November I decided I need a break from her so I told her I needed a break although I wasn't drinking much I know I broke her heart when I told her that. During that one month of break time I did get wasted a few times on the weekends. On new years of this year I decided to celebrate with friends instead of her family and her and I got so wasted I texted her really mean stuff that I didn't wanna be with her anymore, etc.. She let it go and warned me that it's okay to drink one or two beers when we both go out to eat or her house but to never ever get like that because she can't stand getting hurt anymore. Well, 2 months ago I hung out with a few friends and I made a mistake, I got drunk and ended up texting her she was ugly, fat, low waged, and that her ethnic race was crap including her family, I told her I was dating a new girl (it's a lie) and that my fam hated her too (another lie). I broke her heart, I really did cross the line with those words. I said sorry the next day but she didn't answer. I just decided to talk to her again and she told me I waited 2 months to talk to her which was bad to her, she told me she's moved on and wants to be single and wants time to think thing. I begged her, I've cried and now she ignores my text. I really do love her


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The short of the long is that if she says no, respect that. Dob't push don't beg, and don't try to force anything.

    At the end of the day, what you've done, gotten back to the person you really are, is a great experience and something to celebrate (with Ginger Ale lol) but she may be done with you, or she may need more time.

    So give her time and work on yourself. Work on being okay with being alone. She may not feel great about filling a void in your life, it's more interesting to date somebody who is already happy.

    So get happy. I suggest meditation, The Landmark Forum, or I can See Clearly Now. Or my favorite, Ask and it is Given.

    And change your screen name to "happy1234" :-)

    Hope this helps.
    C

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    • When you say she may need more time what do you mean by that? I can't believe it had to take this for me to be sober 😢even kicked out my supposedly guy friends out of my life because they only called me when they needed to hang and drink. I regret it so much paying attention to drinks and friends instead of my sweet girlfriend that never hurt me, ever. Now she's all I think about and don't know what to do, I feel like crap because I know I messed up a few times and she never did. I have a really nice job, I have a nice house, but it don't have what makes me feel complete. I was thinking of dating but it's too soon for that, I know the affects alcohol can have on people so I do know I've learnt my lesson, and in reality there's no such thing as a good friend, now that I remember, only times I hung out with them is when I drank, well no more. I still text her every other day letting her know Im here for her and that she's always in my mind. I don't beg her now though but she doesn't reply back

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    • I like what you say: you learned something. Because of this situation, you gave up drinking and tut's such a big accomplishment that you may not even realize it. I know many people who would tell you it's a big achievement.

      About her: remember that when she tells you you waited too long etc it's not really true. She is telling you that your behavior made her impatient or the like and now you feel like you missed the train and if only you had acted sooner etc.

      This is an illusion. If both parties are aligned with a relationship, it will happen. This is still true. What I recommend for you is to work on your own mind, your strongest asset ever. If you become really really well and happy, your next relationship will come, maybe her, maybe someone better. By better I mean someone so amazing you can't even really imagine her.

      Feel free to start imagining her too, this will help.

      Makes sense?

      C

    • Yes makes sense. It's been about a month since I heard from her. But since my family have her on Facebook they keep telling me she has lost so much weight and seems like she's only hanging out with the girls. She has yet to remove all of our memories on Facebook, but it does get better with time. I have decided to move on and in 2 months I will send her good bday wish since she wished me one some weeks ago so I will be returning the favor and hopefully I won't hear from her again.

      And yes, I stopped the drinking and I stopped hanging out with the wrong people. Usually what I do now is go to gym, watch a movie at nights and repeat again during the week since I work typical 8-4pm type of job. On the weekends I try to take my family out. I'm still not ready to date, I miss her true, just need sometime for me and hopefully in 2 months I'll be dating again.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Send her a sincerely apology letter for forgiveness.
    Tell her you love her and will be happy for her regardless of her decision.
    then work on yourself. be happy first. you may need more than two months to reflect.

    i am actually curious, why you said those things aabout her family when you were drunk.

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    • I said those things about her family because her dad and her brother had put put me down and I always took it like a man even though it hurt but I was still there for them because of her. But it was okay, it didn't bother me anymore, they were a second family to me. I was so drunk I honestly don't remember anything that I said. I do remember waking up and remembering I had messed up, when I went to look for messages they were gone, I deleted them right away. Well she just told me she's moved on and is talking to a new guy for 2 weeks. She moved on so fast though, after that long of being with me? I stopped drinking so I'll see that in the bright side now and now know not to ever drink alcohol because it does ruin and hurt the ones we most love. She said I'm pressuring her too much now and to give her time to think, she just told me that. I guess I was begging too much. I'll stop now and will heal first and probably date again in 3-4 months when I'm less hurt.

    • And yeah, I need to move on as well. She says she moved on but I can see she's hurt still by the way she still brings up all the hurtful words I said to her, it's still fresh in her mind. I'll let it her be and will move on myself, sucks because I truly saw a lot of potential for her to be my wife.

What Guys Said 1

  • Sounds to me like you fucked it up and she has moved on. Why would she let you back after you fucked it up once you will probably fuck it up again in her eyes. Best bet is to just get over it and move on yourself and take away the mistakes you made in this relationship and apply the experience to make your next one better.

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    • I have changed, that's the only thing that came out of this. Anyway, I don't expect to ever see her again after what I said but you're right, this made me realize I had a drinking problem which I have been sober for quite a time now, that's a first, and I intend to keep it like that moving forward.

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