Friendship with the opposite sex is too difficult for me. If I sent this to my friend trying to explain, am I being a douche?

Anonymous
It's all inside my head.
And I will hold on to the days before now fondly and wishingly.
I need to live in reality going forward.
I missed you.
You have come back to the office after a week of travelling but I feel your distance still.
Felt closer when you sent me a daily picture of where you were. I knew you were thinking of me.
I think it is too late to be what we (you) wanted us to be.
For years I thought the struggle I was having was simple.
That the heart wants what it can't have, and you are all I could want.
I don't know why you do the things you do. Mixed signals. Chemistry.
I knew I'd love you if I got close.
I didn't think you'd let me in, and this is the closest I felt to anything.
Yet can't be myself completely when I am trying to be someone you will want back.
No matter how much I want to be your friend, my instinct wants you to be mine.
It tears at me when I know I can't happen.
I don't think do this anymore.
Updates:
+1 y
Thank you all for talking it over.
Friendship with the opposite sex is too difficult for me. If I sent this to my friend trying to explain, am I being a douche?
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