What's the real reason for the contact?

Quick recap of the situation:

-Very serious long term relationship that ended incredibly sudden and unexpectedly. I feel like I could write a book on the experience, and I may never know, but I feel she had a post college grad freak out. She had serious anxiety and depression problems, and I feel this stemmed from those. Some abandonment issues too ever since her father died when she was young. Even her friends were surprised. They said stuff like "you were the only guy she's ever talked about marriage with" and other things I didn't even know.

-Less than a week after the break up, she takes work in NYC and says despite being "hopeful we'd work things out" she's going. We say our goodbye's and long story short--I never see or talk to her again.

-Later I find out some guy out east was sending her flowers right after we split. Like the week of. She told her friend about it, and also told her that "although charming, she doesn't know what she's going to do about that because she still has feelings for me". I don't really want to get into it but just trust me when I say I don't suspect this guy had much of anything to do with it, and I honestly don't feel that she cheated. You'd have to really know the situation to understand.

-After she had moved I sent her first contact in what was about 5 months or so. I knew she was lined up to get some new internship in December and I wanted to take the opportunity to say hi and congratulations. It was a nice, but formal Facebook message exchange. After that we had a couple of surprisingly fun chat conversations of about 15 min each which was nice. Never in all of this did either one of us mention our break up or anything that had happened. Just friends talking.

So flash forward to present day: My birthday was a couple of weeks ago and I was surprised to see she FB chatted me to wish me a happy birthday, considering I never got in touch to do the same on her birthday. She asks me what I'm doing and says she wishes she could be there. I mention that I may be out in NYC in the next month or two, and that she can buy me a drink--you know, just casual talk. Then she surprises me again: she says she'd like that but "a drink wouldn't make up for the way [she] treated me last summer" (referring to her sudden split and no communication). I really didn't want to get into it so I made a little joke writing it off. We talk a bit more and she laughs and says something like "only you!" in reference to how I phrased something. I had to leave so I said my goodbye, and told her to write me about her new job. She said she would and that was that.

A few weeks have passed, and I haven't spoken to her; though I never expected her to write me about her job. It was all just talk, you know? But I have to be honest: what she said has really got me thinking. Do you think there's any regret there? I've had my share of relationships and have dated since, but she's constantly on my mind. Truly the best. I miss her terribly.

Updates:
Oh, couple more things: When all this happened she said to me friend that she wasn't "saying this was the definite end", just something she needed to do. She also tried to contact my roommate a couple of times when it happened, but he wrote her off and...
...didn't tell me about it. Her mother also said our relationship was at least "at an intermission" for now, when I spoke to her back when. Bottom line: there's a lot of ambiguous language that has made it hard to completely let go. I'd love a second try.
Sorry, one more: I don't know if she's seeing anyone. Her FB page had no relationship status as of January, and she had no problem listing that she was in one with me or her previous bf's. Take that for what it's worth.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Seriously, it sounds like that you both regret this break up, despite the circumstances. You both need to stop trying to read in between the lines, and just start communicating with one another. Something that you should have been doing from the very beginning.

    You know you want to try again. She obviously regrets her poor treatment of you.

    Just call her up and tell her what's going on. Tell her that despite all the things that happened between the two of you, that you would love a chance to try again, and if that's okay with her, you'll come and see her when you go to New York. Say that you just wanna know if she's on board with that. Just get it all on the table now, get the whole story from her and tell her honestly how you felt about what happened. Then, once you get to New York, the air should be clear between the two of you, and you can see if you still have the chemistry to make it work.

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