I've been dating the woman of my dreams for a year, and recently met the ex who I knew she hung out with on occasion alone but was doing everything I could to not be the jealous type.
They'd broken up 2 years before I met her, and only talked on a few occasions over the phone after there breakup until she had been dating me for 3 months. Usually it was a "don't call me drunk" style conversation
When we finally met, it was obvious that he was going through something realizing I was a real person and he wasn't getting her back. I'd known for the longest time he still wanted to be with her - the pet names I'd hear over the phone, the texts I'd see on accident. She continually says she'd never be with him again, and leaves his place if he even makes the slightest move. Right before I demanded to meet him he used the classic "He doesn't do X thing as good as I do" line.
My Girlfriend says this is someone important to her as a friend, and that she can "see the good parts in him" now that she's out and distant of the awful overly controlling relationship they had. I don't have a fear of losing her, I don't suspect her of cheating, but It defintely bothers me that she's hanging out with someone who would jump on the slightest chance to get her back for even one night. I've expressed this to her, and basically I'm left in a situation where I can't see through the wall's of his apartment when there alone for a couple of hours and have to just go on blind faith.
My real questions are - How should I treat this guy? I know he doesn't like me, and I sure don't like him. And, Am I being to lax with with my relationship? I feel evil demanding that she can't see a specific person, but in the other hand I feel like that friendship is an affront to my relationship.
I suppose she can see, and I can't for lack of presence, the steps that she claim's he's taking that show his honest interest in just a friendship. That he is letting go. Meeting me was probably a ton of nails in that coffin. Thoughts?
Most Helpful Girl
Honestly, I think you're being WAY too passive about this. A relationship is based on mutual respect. Unless there are children involved, there should be no initial contacts (with the exception of friendly e-mails and Facebbok) between these two. Your girlfriend is sending him mixed signals (hanging out, and home visits). Why wouldn't he think he had a shot at a reconciliation. HELLO! Put yourself in his position. Wouldn't you? Being on amicable terms with him just to pacify your girlfriend is just plain absurd. Why be pretentious. F$^K him! His intentions are not purely genuine, so why put up a facade? Tell her that you're not comfortable with their pseudo-friendship, friends with benefits or whatever they want to call themselves.It's OK to put your foot down, especially when you're highly perceptive to his bull&*t! Tell her to cut him off...NOW! Or you will be left standing ALONE with a broken heart feeling like an @ss!0