Confused after breakup... help! Don't know what just happened. Do you think he still loves me or not? Is he doing it to protect me or protect himself?

So, my boyfriend and I dated for 2 years. For half a semester, we lived with each other too. We loved each other and had our own fights. We both are very studious, and so there were times when I asked for a break, only to see his face sad and come back again to him next day. After the end of 2 years, he didn't take me seriously if I said let's take a break bc of school stress. He always said to me (from like 1 month into relationship) that he sees me as his future wife and wants to get married after school. We both were studying abroad and then we came back to our country and then he had his family to support while I was living alone in the same city. I moved there for school related reasons and for him. However, he didn't have time because his family didn't want him dating at the moment and so he had a lot of stress at home to not see me. So I abided by that, but we would argue plus he was stressed about school. Then, we moved to a different city for school reasons again. We lived together (kind of), but he started having auditory hallucinations (like his father) that would say that I'm taking him away from his family and etc. He also thought I caused him to do bad on his test. he was scared bc of his mental stress and hearing things. He wanted to stay with me and sleep next to me bc of that. But he was also too scared to touch me or be intimate. Once in a while, we got carried away and then he would push me away bc he's scared. We came back to his city again for school. And I had told his mom about his mental prob. After coming back, he slowly stopped contacting even though we saw eachother. he didn't even really tell me he wanted to break up, I started crying in front of him and he thought it was another reason. When I said I was crying bc of him, he said it's not a real break... he'll defin come back. After then, I called him and he wanted to build our friendship but then few days later he's no i don't want anything not even friendship.


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What Guys Said 2

  • I'm very sorry, it sounds like his family may have heavily influenced him to not continue dating you, but as well, there have been problems for a while so he ended it. That must hurt a lot.

    You are away from family? Can you afford to see a counselor, that may help... you need people to talk to.

    • What do you think were the problems? school... and studying, we deal with that everyday. So, the few breaks we had weren't really breaks. I don't know if he pushed me away bc he's really mentally sick or he just really doesn't love me like he said after break up. But when he was hearing things, he would hold on to me and beg me to not leave him because of this. I promised I wouldn't but he left me. He looks so happy and we go to same school so I see him everyday and I smile and talk to others but it hurts. I can't afford to see a counselor. I don't have time or money. I'm away from family. I don't have many friends here and the few I have are more like acquaintances and the good friends are far away. I want to be happy again and focus on school but my heart just hurts. It's already well over 5mo now. Plus, he treated me very rudely after the break up. cursing me, not want to be friends... hurting me in every way possible emotionally. I don't know what I did to deserve that treatment.

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    • I don't want to believe it's external pressure. It just gives me false hope. bc i feel that's not the reason to break up. I regret I met him. It was waste of time, energy, and emotions. He probably isn't even crying over me like I am. And it's 5 months already. Am I not a fool? I wish could just have selective amnesia and forget him completely.

    • 5 months ago you broke up? I understand your feelings, you were rejected after a lot of investment without much or a good explanation and not much of a support network.
      You didnt' go into the "fights" and such, there may have been underlying problems. The challenge is healing so that you don't drag this loss into your next relationship.
      You need a support network. Can you/do you go to church, find a divorce care group... they can discuss common issues, yours is similar. Find a womans group so you hvae women to talk to. Try to find a "lay counselor". It all takes time, but you have to do this sometime. Forgetting will only bury the issues until the next guy comes along... then the emotions ooze out again.

  • I understand it can be very unsettling dealing with not knowing what's going on with another person and how theyt are feeling and why they act the way that they do.

    However, there is only one job that you have which is to work on your own mind. Realize that frustration, feal, depression etc are just mental states that occur in your mind. They don't have anything to do with him per se.

    The proof is that you could easily imagine another person reacting differently than you, to his actions.

    So, simple but far from easy, start to look inside yourself and try to calm your mind. If you're both ready for this relationship to continue, it will. But take the long view.

    Learn to meditate and be calm and start to train your mind to think about other things.


    • do you think it's really easy to let go of someone you've been with for 2 years. someone whose shown you future together in his dreams not mine. It must me really easy for a guy to move on. It is a state of the mind problem but i see him everyday at school. I can't avoid it. Even then, if you shared so much with someone. It's difficult. Maybe I need to learn how to be practical and to move on. But I've never known how to do that in my whole life. AFter that incident, I've had problems with my landlord and had to move out and move in to different times multiple times. I had issues with my sister having a difficult marriage right after wedding. I had multiple parking tickets for no apparent reason. I get yelled at by my seniors and by the librarian (for getting caught eating in the library, I get a warning that I might be kicked out of school if she catches me again). I need my luck to come back. But on top of all that, if you hear your ex get mad and frustrated for slightest things

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    • I don't know if things ever turned out going in the bad direction for you but it doesn't just happen bc negative attracts negative there's no logic in that. So stop with bs... i know you're trying to help but... that makes no stupid reason.

    • If you will try this little experiment, you will see what I mean. Take a moment when you're feeling kind of good, sot down, and concentrate on thinking about something, or somebody nice and comfortable. Keep your focus on this person, pet, or whatever it is. It could be a memory, one thing after the other, just make sure it feels good to think about it. After a few minutes, see how you feel. Then do this every day for a few minutes and you will soon see the difference. Cheers :-)

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