Texting boyfriend as another girl to see if he is cheating. Am I really wrong for this.. or?

I've been on and off with my boyfriend for the past 4 years. He moved to another state after a year & a half of us dating. We broke up for over a year & got back together on December. I went to visit him on the last week of April but before that I downloaded an app for private texting & began to text him saying I was a girl he had met the past summer. The reason I did this was because I was unsure if he would talk to other girls behind my back. (Apparently he doesn't mind doing so but would get bothered if I did) So when I was with him I told him to let me see his phone & showed him the same messages I had sent him (as the other girl) & tried to have him explain why he was texting her... As the other girl, I would text him by being flirtatious & he would respond agreeing to meet up "whenever she came to town" which was "in a few weeks." At first he told me that she was just asking if they could continue texting (he was obviously lying). We kinda fixed that "problem" & he said he wouldn't text her anymore or any girl that was flirting with him in any way or any girl from the time we were not dating. A few weeks have passed & I notice him a little different so I decided to text him as the other girl again. Of course he keeps replying & asking for her snapchat, instagram, Facebook & a pic. She is supposed to be in town this weekend & they're going to "hang out" Saturday night. I know the with this girl nothing is going to happen because it's obviously not her texting him. But it makes me wonder if he talks to anyone else or what would actually happen if this girl were to actually be there one day. Would he really hang out with them behind my back? Even after he promised he would have no type of contact with any other "friend" (as he calls it) of his. I know I'm doing wrong with this but I wanted to see if he would actually keep his promise or not (hurts that he's lying). Specially because he is definitely not ok with me doing the same. Someone please HELP me!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, it's not a good way to test your boyfriend like this, because it shows that you distrust him in some or many ways and that is not a good sign at all. What you are doing is wrong.

    However coming back to your testing tactic, yes he does seem to show interest in the other girl ( which is you texting as other girl), so from your test, I would say he has failed your test or is failing your test constantly which is also not a good sign.

    The fact that you say he is lying is also not a good sign.

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    • This guy is right. You fucked with a young mans sexual urges and electronics, thinking he was hidden. However, I disagree with his opinion on your tactic.

      I think your tactic is, some call obsessive/entrapment... but, I say, weed the weak out as early as possible. If he had the courage to admit the first time you asked, that’s a different conversation. I SAY THIS BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN THIS PERSON. I HAVE NOT BEEN TRICKED LIKED THIS, BUT HAVE BEEN A MAN WITH EYES ELSEWHERE... and it put me two year later with my fiancé... but when I was caught talking to another girl, my ex and I still struggled for 2-2.5yrs.

      Where there is smoke there’s fire. Guy can be deleting regularly his conversations with girls he KNOWS.

      Don’t shame him, young men can actually be super weak when women show sexual interest, even the most faithful.

      If you can play him as a fool with a alias he doesn’t even know? That’s good intel and dip!

      Or, give 100% space between you two and wait to see how he reaponds

Most Helpful Girl

  • He's different because you violated his privacy, once you've done that there's no going back. He hasn't forgiven you and he's still carrying on messaging other girls behind your back. I've made this mistake when I was younger and I quickly learnt never to do it again. It ruins your relationships. If your gut feeling is that he's going to cheat he probably will. Our instincts are more accurate than we give them credit for.
    Now you have him lying to your face when you confront him, he still messages them behind your back. You have more than enough evidence to leave him. Do it before he actually does cheat on you which may only be a matter of time. All it's showing him is that you don't value yourself highly enough to not be disrespected in such a way.
    This is not going to get any better with you checking his phone or with lying to him to 'catch him'. Leave and don't look back.

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What Guys Said 5

  • while i agree with the buy below or above me i would at least fess up t him because at this point now that you know he is lying there is no need for you to do the same. let him know and see what he does.. he is either gonna get mad and not talk for a bit or he will be hurt and try to understand but in either case its best to be open now before it makes you look worse when you probably not like this normally.

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  • I'll say this, it's obvious you don't trust him so the relationship is doomed anyway. Might as well breakup now and save time

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  • You are being manipulative... manipulative is never right. This only ever ends bad. Even if he is the most faithful man that has ever walked the earth, he will resent you for not trusting him and lying to him! (Pretending to be someone your not is lying) and he will begin to not trust you because you have demonstrated your willingness to be dishonest with him.

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  • " Texting boyfriend as another girl to see if he is cheating. " this behaviour is very wrong. Even he is cheating still this behaviour very wrong , its not ethic. The only thing I can say you should stop doing this.

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  • This is just a train wreck, your insecurities and his lying... sounds like it has been long over.

    Why continue?

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What Girls Said 10

  • If you don't have trust, you don't have anything. Why are you even dating him if you feel the need to play stupid games like that and test him? Whether your mistrust is due to past actions of his or your own insecurities, it's not healthy.

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  • Sounds like he's definitely okay with lying to you. Not very honest, neither are you it's all sorts of fucked to be honest.

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  • Very wrong. I dislike this a lot. No wonder guys think we're all bitches who play games.

    He'd get so mad if he found out.

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  • Stop wasting brain power wondering and focus on your own life, without him. This relationship is doomed.

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  • clearly you don't trust him so why be in relationship. furthermore it's wrong to set him up like that

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  • If you are having doubts and second thoughts about him just leave him for good. Always trust your intuitions cause they nevet lie.

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  • You don't trust him so you don't need to be with him.

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  • You're both not suited to be in a relationship. ESPECIALLY with one another.

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  • So... Instead of being a sane person and either trusting your boyfriend or talking to him about your insecurities you decide to catfish him to try and get him to "cheat" behind your back. Real smart.

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  • Sounds a bit petty if you ask me.

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