I'm still in love with him, and he with me, but do I need to move on?

Alright, well, we were dating a year.
He was my second boyfriend, but my first kiss, and my first true love.
We had our whole future planned out, we were going to go to college together, get jobs in IT, get married, and move into an apartment somewhere close to home. I moved states because I love this guy and I wanted to be near him because we were really serious about starting our lives together.

Well a couple of weeks ago, he broke up with me. He said our paths are too different (although this entire time he had lead me to believe we were on the same path, going to the same place) and that we needed to break it off so he could grow emotionally and mentally and I could do the same.

He told me that he also wanted to pretty much "skip" the grieving stage and go straight to being best friends again like we were before we began dating, but I've been finding it increasingly hard to do so even though I'm trying. He says he still loves me and that if we're both single still by the time we're "ready" (I guess it's up to him to determine that) that he'd like to start again.

Thing is, even though I still love him, I don't know if I want to wait for him to come back from this "self exploring journey," but the side of me that adores this man keeps saying "of course you do!"

I'll be moving states again soon and pursuing a more self satisfying path, something I've actually been wanting to do (going to college for IT was his idea and he kinda yanked me into it with him) and he keeps saying how he'll miss me terribly but he'll support my decision and be there for me always.

But I kinda feel like I want to have a few more relationships, see if there's anyone else I might like more, see if this isn't just because he's my first true love.

Should I wait for the love of my life, no matter how long it takes, or see what other fish are in the sea?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't wait for this guy. He lead you on to believe you two were on the same path, then he pulled the rug out from under you. You don't need that kind of person in your life. He betrayed you, you moved for him and then he does that to you? Nuh, Uh!

    You want more relationships, go out and have those relationships. Don't wait for this guy to decide he is ready. He may never be ready for you. I don't know how old you are, but from the sounds of it you are still young. You have lots of time!

    I'm sure there is a guy out there who wants exactly the kind of life you want too. And isn't going to leave you and jump ship after you have moved for him.

    Something similar happened to me. I was seeing this guy, and he told me he wanted to move in with me. I moved closer to be with him, and then shortly after I found out he had been cheating on me the whole time, and of course lying.

    It's incredibly painful, and I was super hurt by it. But honestly, I'm glad he was exposed before I married him.

    I think you dodged a bullet. This guy is an idiot for passing you up. Sounds to me like he got cold feet, but also probably not sure if he is set on you.

    Don't make yourself and option for him. Go out and enjoy your life! After doing that to you, he doesn't deserve to be with you.

    Also, if it hurts you to still be friends with him, cut that off too. It's not up to you to coddle him. He made a decision to leave you, and HE put himself in the position to lose you forever in his life. So that is HIS problem to deal with, and not yours!

    He hurt you, he lied to you, and he pulled the rug out from under you. Now he is asking YOU to do a favour for HIM? That's a whole lotta nope!


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What Guys Said 2

  • I think you should explore others options. What he did to you was wrong and messed up and why wait for him if he might change his mind again. He probably wants to date other girls in college. I think you should date other guys and see what happens. Life is to short to wait on a confused person.

  • In Western culture children are led to believe that the point of being born is to grow up and to fall in love. Those who are not in love are thought to be incomplete as human beings. The dirty tramp with his wizened crone of a girlfriend is considered happier than the wealthy bachelor who enjoys the attentions of many women but favors none in particular. Clearly this is not right. I’ve been in love and I’ve been out of love. They’re both perfectly acceptable and bearable states for a person to experience.
    There are various things that are just as important, if not more so, than being in love. Here are just a few: saving money, learning, caring for your family. You want more? Eating properly, exercise, hygiene, creativity and invention. Friendship. Adventure. Teaching another person what you know. Love can be great but it does not trump all.


What Girls Said 2

  • He broke it off because he probably didn't want his whole life planned out (which scares off most guys) and he just wants to stay friends to keep the possibility of hooking up on the table (like most guys). Don't be friends with an ex, and don't wait around hoping he changes his mind. He wants to live his own life, and you should try to get on with yours.

  • Honestly this guy sounds like a dick. I think it would definitely be in your best interest to move on. He seems manipulative and self centred. *if were both still single" he says meaning he has no intentions of waiting for you. Skip the grieving? That's pretty inconsiderate to try and tell you how to feel. Move on girl. You deserve better.


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