How can he be in a new relationship already?

I was dating my boyfriend for 2+ years...on and off in the beginning but committed for the past year, moved in w/him in July...me and my daughter both...he has 2 kids w/2 moms...we were happy and a nice little family for a while, but moving in was a big mistake and I wasn't ready for it. I had a hard time adjusting, I think I resented that my living there made his life significantly easier (financially, me taking care of everyone etc) and mine got so much harder (taking on his burdens etc when used to just taking care of me and my daughter). We had amazing times, we got along so well, laughing and joking and amazing sex...but when we'd fight even over the littlest thing, it would always turn into a HUGE mess...my heart was there in it all, I loved him so much, and he loved me more than anything...but all the resentment made me say and do things to push him away. He finally had enough about 2 months ago and told me he was done, so I moved out. During our 2+ years together I always hated the second baby mama, he used her as his perpetual Plan B, always going to her at the end of any relationship, using her to keep from even getting into a relationship, which he did to me when we first met...i hate her. While we were dating they only spoke regarding their daugter and I even asked him during our breakup if he was going to turn to her yet again, he said she is the LAST person he'd turn to and many many conversations were had DURING our relationship about how he just didn't and couldn't love her like that and had tried so many times for the sake of it making his life easier but he could not...he strung her along for 5 years and every time she takes him back...less than a month after I moved out, they are in a relationship and she and her 2 daugthers (one not his) are moving in to the house I just left! This man was crazy in love with me and now that I have left he suddenly is back with the one person he knows it kills me for him to be with and so quickly. I am and have been in agonizing pain over the breakup and he has moved on so quickly...is he doing this to forget about me? She is the polar opposite of me...holy roller, lame, boring, uninteresting and just plain...plain. I am outgoing, funny, have tons of friends and am always the the kind of person people want to be around...how can he possibly be happy with her? Is he just doing this to forget about me?

Updates:
I think I'm mostly bothered that he doesn't seem to be suffering through the break up like I have, even from the beginning...it was like nothing to him, like he just shut down, turned it all off. A loss is a loss...you should grieve...I am...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all, the relationship is over. The more you think about it the longer it will take you to get over it. You don't have a say in his life anymore so stop worrying/caring what he is doing. Focus on your life and your daughter.

    Second, it seems pretty clear that he has a pattern of rebounding to this girl (probably because she takes him back so easily and quickly). Granted he said those things to you about her, but you have to consider his position when he said them (namely he was dating you and presumably happy to be with you). He sounds like the type of person that can't bear to be alone.

    But getting back to my first point, who cares? His life doesn't concern you anymore. Focus on your own life and your daughters.

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    • You are right, absolutely right...I was doing well, and was realizing how much better off I was and that they were each others problem and not mine any longer...for some reason last couple days just kind of backslided...it's the worst, knowing that I am better than all this, better than him and his stupid insecurities and neediness, just a better person without him but I'm the one sitting here crying and he is all happy and enjoying his new life...just sucks...

    • Show All
    • This advice is right on the money.

    • Agreed...and one of the problems my ex had was that he was jealous of my daughter! That set off all kinds of flags believe me...I have spent my time reconnecting with her through this and realize that SHE also went through something and we are better than ever...this is great advice and probably the kind of thing I need to hear when I have a backslide to remind me that I'm better off w/out this anchor in my life

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What Guys Said 4

  • I haven't read too many replies to this, but the very first thing that pops into my mind is that this guy is a leech. A blood sucking leech that bounces around women to find one that will:

    "I think I resented that my living there made his life significantly easier (financially, me taking care of everyone etc) and mine got so much harder (taking on his burdens etc when used to just taking care of me and my daughter)" - A lot is said about him right there.

    "but all the resentment made me say and do things to push him away. He finally had enough about 2 months ago and told me he was done, so I moved out." - He didn't have enough, you were making it known that you resented the fact that he was a blood sucking leech. Good for you.

    "about how he just didn't and couldn't love her like that and had tried so many times for the sake of it making his life easier but he could not...he strung her along for 5 years and every time she takes him back...less than a month after I moved out" - Yea, he just couldn't love her because he's a blood sucking leech and probably felt slightly guilty about USING a woman to MAKE HIS LIFE EASIER.

    I'm going to stop here, because isn't it just completely obvious that what I'm saying is right?

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  • He was suffering long before he broke up with you and its when he lost hope that he would feel happy with your relationship dynamics he began dreaming and looking for an alternative transitional relationship to be happy in that may or may not work out. This is a symptom of the fact you and he did not talk about the real issues and feelings you both had but about feelings you had about everything else besides both of you. He is not necessarily happier now but he is not experiencing a sense that he is at a dead end. If both of you did not care enough to talk about real feelings you both had about the relationship when you were in it why should you care now or he. He did not replace you. He got out of a relationship with you. What he does now is NONE of your business.

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  • There are more types of love than romantic.

    I don't know what his reason for leaving you was, but it seems specious.

    He seems to be going wherever he gets the most from the relationship.

    Don't be surprised if he comes crawling back to you when he believes he can get more from you.

    I'd advise you to forget about, steer clear of this guy.

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    • I think he knew that I checked out a while back, which I will admit...a few months back I realized that this was not what I wanted for the rest of my life...he's got so much baggage, 2 kids, 2 moms and a horrible work schedule that really messed w/my own time schedule...I wasn't happy but I still loved him and didn't have the heart to leave him...so he did the dirty work I guess

    • Please describe in your own words what, Specious is.

    • I'm not sure I understand how that definition applies to my situation...

  • He's rebounding. He probably still has feelings for you. I would be distant and wait for him to come back to you.

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    • I don't want him back...I miss him but things that have been said and done during this breakup have made it impossible for me to be with him again and have any self respect...I mostly just want to be over it...I am just curious how he can go be with someone so soon after...i can't even think about it...

What Girls Said 4

  • First off, about him leaving the relationship and moving on so quickly, he hasn't moved on quickly. He moved on while he was still in the relationship. This has been proven. People who leave relationships (like marriage for instance) have been wanting to leave for a long time. They don't just wake up one morning and decide to leave. He probably was thinking about leaving for months so when it came time to leave, he has done his grieving. He grieved for months in the relationship, till he got to a point where he felt comfortable leaving. Plus, when most people leave, 9 out of 10 times, it's because they do have someone else to move onto. So even though it hurts so bad, know that it is common for people to act this way. Most of the time when someone leaves they have been thinking about it, for whatever reason, for months and months, usually because someone else has come into the picture. And I don't mean he cheated. I just mean there was another option and he took it.

    About his ex being the exact opposite of you, well that's why he keeps her around. She may seem like a lame, plain, hollyroller, but in a guy's mind that also reads as "Faithful, dependable, "good wife/mother" material". I know that is hard to hear but I've seen other guys keep the good girl in their lives because they think "When I'm ready to settle down, she will be a good option." Plus, if she sticks around through thick and thin, that is always a huge ego boost.

    I know it's frustrating as hell to see him doing well while you suffer but I've seen enough to know how quick it always turns. He will have hard times in life too while you are doing fine. I know you want it to happen now, but pain in life is a certainty for everyone. Even him.

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  • he needs someone to be with him and it's natural they 'd go to someone they're comfortable. it's a loss. one of my ex bf's sort of grieved when I moved on quickly but then again that ex boyfriend is a different case.

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  • REBOUND!

    And once he has had his fun with this girl, and the fun and novelty wears off with this new girl, he will start to miss you and most likely come crawling back to you.

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  • He is probably being a d*ck and trying to make you jealous. The best thing you could do is move on to someone far better than he ever was.

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