I'm finding it hard to break up with my boyfriend of 4 years because he's kinda a pyscho. Help?

I'm 24 and he's 34 and has a daughter (from an ex-wife) who he supports financially. He threatens me he'll quit his job and stop sending support to his daughter if I break up with him and that he'll ruin his life and all. Though I'm not in love with him anymore, I still love him as a friend. He is a good man but I couldn't bear him doing this if we ever break up. And so now, I'm just pretending that I love him and that I was just messing when I told him I want a break up. Help. :(
Thank you so much fellow GaGers!


Most Helpful Guy

  • That's called manipulation. He's manipulating and controlling you through threats.
    "If you do XXX, I'll do YYY."
    So you do XXX just to prevent him from doing YYY.
    It's all manipulation.

    If you give in to that it just gives him more power over you. You have to look out for yourself. What are you becoming and do you like yourself for it?

    • I don't really want him to make his life a total wreck though but I'm not sure also if he justs says those to make me stay. And no, I don't like myself for it. I've been pretending for the last 5 months already and I gave it a try and maybe fall in love with him again but I just am out of love now. It's draining me everyday. I feel so unmotivated everyday 'cause I am unhappy.

    • But you see how he's manipulating you by threatening to wreck his life. You don't want him to wreck his life, so you stay with him even when you don't want to.
      1) You don't know if he really will wreck his life (probably not).
      2) You are not responsible for him.
      3) If he really does wreck his life then he really is a psycho and it makes it even more important to get away from him.

      You can't carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, even if you once loved him. You are becoming someone you don't like. You are sacrificing the most important thing you have, which is your time and your life. Sometimes you just have to look out for yourself. Please don't sacrifice your life for this. If you continue down this path he only gets more power over you, while you get weaker.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Why does the daughter has to suffer under your relationship? That's a weird threat. I think he was thinking of doing this a longer time because either he hates his job or supporting his ex, but because it sounds so drastic and is afraid to loose you he uses it as a threat because he's desperate.
    You should still breakup with him. He could be bluffing and if he loves his child he won't abandon it. It's also not really your business what happens with his child and ex, even though it feels like it.

    • Thank you so much for your opinion.

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What Guys Said 5

  • If you break up, he'll stop supporting his biological daughter? (who is not YOUR biological daughter). What kind of threat is that? How is he "a good man" based on what you just said. I have not heard of a "good man" who threatens to throw his daughter to the wolves because a girlfriend - with no genetic relation to his daughter - threatens to break up with him.

    I would just break up and find greener pastures. It looks like a garbage dump where you are. You are not liable for his daughter. He is.

    • Yeap I see your point. Thank you so much.

  • You are not responsible for his action. Dump him also the mother of that child will not let that happen. Look out for yourself honey

    • Yeah I just realized. Thank you.

  • 😶😶😶?
    So you're compromising bc of his daughter
    Umm you're a sweetheart
    But I think you should find a way to leave him !

    • And also 'cause he said he's gonna be a mad drunkard and will do all the bad stuff. He's a good man and I couldn't find a way to nicely end this. It's sickening. :(

    • See you should leave him
      Tell him that you don't love him anymore then it's upto him if he wanna ruin his life himself or not

  • Well at least he doesn't threaten you physically. His choices are his own decision. You should break up and let him handle his stuff like an adult that he is by numbers.

  • Take a stand and breakup with him. You are not obligated to do anything for him. And if your relationship with him is going to continue on blackmail, I doubt you're ever going to be happy. Best way would be to tell him its over and then stop any and all sorts of communication with him. It is initially hard but over time you will get over him and find someone that will appreciate you and love you. Someone that you will love because he loves your back without any conditions.
    You can't be responsible for his life. If he chooses to make his life a total wreak its on him. Why are you letting him make your life a total wreak?

    • Thank you so much. I see your point.

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