I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 18 - we have been together for 2 years and for the past 3 I've been sitting on the idea of breaking up. I don't think I fancy him anymore, I don't want him to touch me or hold my hand and I repulse at the thought of having sex. I love him but I don't lust him. I constantly think about being with other men and being intimate with anyone but him. He's just lovely, he puts me on a pedestal, such a nice temperament and I know I'm his absolute world! I doubt I will ever find anyone like him. But recently my sister got married and I was pondering the idea of it and i thought that he is not the person I want to be waiting for me at the end of the aisle! So I want to break up but what if i am making a terrible mistake? It's exam season at the moment so I'm terribly stressed, am I being rash? I fell as well that he doesn't feel the same and will cry and be really upset when I tell him so I don't know if I have the heart - but is it fair on him for me to carry it on? Help!
Is it time to break up?
What Guys Said 1
Alright, first off, I suggest you take responsibility for your own emotions only rather than taking responsibility for his as well. Don't compromise what you want to do because you are worried about how he'll feel about it. There's no point in suffering for this reason because you are worried he'll suffer if you don't. Eventually, that would just crash and burn the relationship as you become more annoyed, angry, repulsed, and what have you. I understand selflessness and wanting to put someone before you, but sometimes you need to do what YOU want to do.
What do you want to do though? Or rather, what should you do? Well, by the sound of things, you are emotionally attracted to him but physically repulsed. That makes the qualities of a good friend, but not as a good partner in a relationship.
I personally think the matter of breaking up all depends on whether or not you'll ever really find him physically attractive. Based on how you described it all, it sounds like you won't. If that is the case, I would break up. Because for that I see one of two situations happening...
1.) You stick with him and ignore your thoughts of finding him physically repulsive. Eventually, these thoughts may cause issues down the line when he wants to get intimate. He may want to breakup then too. However, it will be a messy breakup that had a lot of fighting before hand. In the meantime, you'll suffer more and more as the thoughts don't go away. Lots of wasted months or years extra.
2.) You break up with him now. He cries, feels horrible, and you feel guilty too. Despite feeling liberated a bit, he was all upset. Maybe a wasted month, depending on how long it takes for you to move on.
With option 2 however, it'd be a matter of how long you both can move on rather than how long you can keep a sinking ship afloat. I personally think number 2 is a better option because you won't be stringing him along and you'll be able to rejoin the search for someone new.
in my opinion, based on what you said, I'd break up with him. Worst case, it sounds like you are tempted to cheat. Even if he is hurt, you need to think what is best for you.1
What Girls Said 1
If you are positive you don't love him, you're hurting him indirectly by carrying it on. You both are very young, but you're wasting his time with you when he could be going after someone who loves him in return.
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