What can this mean?

I have this situation with my ex and I can't help obsessing about it. She broke up with me a month ago after 5 months. She said she feels she owes it to the father of her child to try to work it out. Throughout this month she has been giving me a ton of mixed signals, telling me to move on one moment, calling to tell me she loves me the as recently as Friday. While we were together I was writing poetry for her. So I bound all the poems in a book and left them on her desk this morning. I just wanted her to have them but it wouldn't bother me in the least if reading them started us on the road to reconciliation. She tells me today that she wants to talk to me about the book, but she wants to do it in person, but can't do it today and wants to wait until tomorrow. If she were really happy about the book she would have talked today right? Wanting to wait until tomorrow can't be good news, can it?


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What Girls Said 1

  • It doesn't sound like it. What you did was so sweet ( are you OK with "sweet"? I can't think of the word I want to use at the moment) but at the same time maybe in her mind, a little inappropriate. She also sounds so conflicted and maybe doesn't want that reminder? If you were in her ex's/partner's place, would you want her to have that gift? Or would you think it a little disrespectful, however you meant it, to give them to her in these circumstances.

    This situation you are must be wrecking your head too. The best thing you can do is your own thing, away from her for a while. Have a break from it. This isn't healthy.
    No matter what happens she and her ex are bonded for life, and they have to figure out the best way forward. For them, for their child, and for everybody else.
    You being there won't be helping any of you.

    • I don't mind sweet at all. And as far as her ex, to be honest I really don't care. While she and I were together he got extremely verbally and emotionally abusive to her. He went so far as to hack her emails, shut her phone off, and even threatened to stop making payments on her car. So I don't care about disrespecting him

      She told me she doesn't know how she feels about him, but has told me multiple times over the past few weeks that she loves me. I feel he is either holding something over her, threatening to us for custody or something. That's the only reason I can see why she referred to herself as my future wife one day, and 48 hours later said she felt she "owed"it to him to try

    • It might not be that he's holding something over her in the threatening sense, but more that respect for your child's other parent comes with the territory of co-parenting
      My son's dad and I haven't been together for almost a year, and I completely understand where your ex is coming from, both in terms of not knowing how she feels about him and constantly feeling answerable to him. Frustratingly for you, he will abuse the latter as much as she lets him.
      When you have a child, your whole life is about doing what is right for your child, and sometimes it can take a while to figure out what that is. You don't always get it right first time.
      If she had strong feelings for him when they broke up, chances are they are still there now & even though she knows she was happy without him, she isn't ready to let those feelings go yet. There is too much attached to them. From my point of view, she will eventually but it might be a very long wait for you. If she comes back at all.

What Guys Said 2

  • No it's not good news dude. Your pushing her into a corner that she can't back out from and your pushing her away. She is still in love with her ex and it's worth a shot to see if it works. Trust me I've been there and it's not pretty. Be patient and if she comes back she does if not that's you know it wasn't meant to be. Sorry I didn't have better advice for you

    • I hear u and seriously wasn't trying to pressure her. I just wanted her to have what she inspired

    • No I have completely been there before and now that I have kids. I know she is trying to see if it works because she did have a kid with him. I would love to have my babies mamma give me another shot

  • I love how much you're into her, your love is palpaple

    However, you're too negative and unsure in your thinking right now. Yes, she is however she is but YOU need to be centered. While you're spending so much time trying to figure out what she's thinking (and we have all been there) you're like a flag in the wind, ungrounded.

    Notice you wouldn't want to be with a person like that. Therefore you should abandon your efforts to read her mind, and instead focus on your own happiness.

    Do something that makes you happy and do your best not to think of her. It can be done.

    If talking to her makes you on balance more unhappy, stop doing that too. It's unhealthy, and your primary concern should be your own happiness and balance.

    Hope this helps and I know it takes something. There's just no way to convince somebody to come back.

    • Ur right I am a bit negative right now. I never felt a connection like this before. We even had a similar dream within 24 hours of each other. A dream of our children. She had me believing in soulmate do. That was her term and I did fall hard. But I have done what she wanted me to do. She asked me to stop talking to her so her feelings could go away and I did. A week later she told me that it was bothering her that I wasn't talking to her, and that she still loves me. I have kept our conversations platonic and work related since. I honestly think that babe feels trapped in her situation and even have asked her to see a therapist. Because if she is still in love with me, she can't honestly make it work with him and that will eat her up inside. That's the last thing I want for her. All that said, I don't think I'm strong enough to walk away, even if it's for her. Honestly, 95% of me gave her that book with pure intentions and it will kill me if she is upset by it

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