After a mutual break-up, what's the best way to go about being just friends?

I posted another question about my situation earlier this week. Basically, my boyfriend of almost a year is moving to California in 3 months, and he didn't see how a long-distance relationship would work since we're both just still in high school. So I guess technically we'll be "breaking up" when he leaves. But both of us still love each other, and that's what will be the hardest part.

He made it sound like we'll still be friends, so my question is, what's the best way to do that? We were friends before we went out, so I think we can still be friends after, even though it'll be different.

Should I tell him that we shouldn't talk to each other for a while so we can get used to the emotional separation, and then start talking again and restarting our friendship? Or should we keep talking and just gradually end our relationship and start a friendship? Because what's going to be the hardest part is not saying "I love you" to him anymore, or telling him how much I miss him and all that. Because even though sometimes now we don't see each other every day, we still text each other and talk to each other all day. So should that come to an abrupt stop, or gradual? I want to do whatever is best in order to be good friends with him, even though it'll be hard no matter what.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There is absolutely no best way to remain friends with an ex. Well, at least in my experience. You basically go from what you've explained about seeing, texting, I love you, I miss you... etc.. to nothing more than Hi how are you, what's up etc... It's completely different.

    Space and time is your best chance here to remain friends. As time goes by, you will both continue on with your lives. You will be with other people and experience other things. I guess you'll both have to decide how much of friends you want to remain. Are we talking about speaking terms, seeing each other etc? As you both get on with your lives separate, things will come into play. Like new relationships for example. It might not be good for a new relationship if you are still hung up on staying friends with your ex. So you have to just let it go and give it time.

    I have about 3 or 4 ex's on my Facebook and these are ex's from years ago. We chat once in awhile and catch up on each others lives etc. I'm thankful for that, but honestly, that's all I really want with my ex's. Relationships end for a reason. Some end well and some end terribly. If you can eventually keep in touch with this guy, it could be a good thing, but if it doesn't work, don't beat yourself up over it and move on. You have a while life ahead of you.

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What Guys Said 6

  • It's awesome that you're boyfriend told you upfront, rather than waiting until he was in california to break up with you. It shows that he respects you.

    *Sigh*... Girl, you're making this guy your world. Life will continue when he is in california, and he may even come back, where you can rebuild that spark of your relationship and continue what was postponed... It's not that it's a breakup (A breakup is where you DONT get back together)... It's just a mutual agreement of distancing, which feels like a breakup.

    It'll suck, infact it'll probably rip your heart out for a while. But 3 months is nothing, that's less than 1/433 of your life. You're giving too much value to the situation. He isn't dieing or getting married to someone else, he is moving. When you hit 18 years old, you have the option to do the same thing, and I strongly encourage you to do so.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

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    • Mutual agreement of distancing...that sounds much better. :P And yeah, I know. I've got a long life to live with a lot to accomplish. Eventually I know I'll get through it. That's why I'm using these 3 months to prepare, while also making the most of the time I have left with him. I can't predict the future, so maybe someday things will work out. I might be loosing him as a boyfriend, but I don't want to loose him as a best friend, either. :/

    • For sure... Well I don't know if you've thought about this one.. But what if you guys call if off now, and use the following 3 months to rekindle your friendship and distance your relationship? ... Sounds worth a shot for me! That would give you plenty of reassurance that things are "bad" when he leaves ;)

      Just a thought... And =P don't stick your tung at me, lol

  • I think the two of you should give each other a break. If you want to be friends, that is fine, but there is no reason to talk every single day. He is going to be living his life over there, and you are going to be living your life back at home. He is going to eventually meet other people and hang out with his new friends and maybe even a new girlfriend. If you talk every day, and then it becomes less and less because he's living his life over there, it's still going to hurt.

    So, let him go. Let him get settled in his life in California and you continue your life wherever you are. Call in a few weeks to say hi and see how things are going and just keep in touch. But anything more than that will just be you holding on to something that isn't there anymore.

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  • You need to totally cut off comunication. Its really hard but other wise the friendship will slowly just get worse and worse...till you finally do decide not to talk but then its over and to late.

    I had the exact same thing happen. For 4 months we tried to be just friends but its doesn't work...you still have the feelings and they just get confused. you get jelous when he talks of other friends he has made and vise versa... just end things now and if you meet again you will be able to be friends just don't try to hold on to something that doesn't exist anymore.

    I just know now it hurts less in the long run to actually end things. Your just lieing to yourself and hurting yourself more in the long run

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    • Yeppp your right :D

    • Show All
    • Its not just the other girls ...you can prob deal with that...When my ex found a new boyfriend I was happy for her...until she didn't talk to me anymore...your gonna feel like you have the original claim but once he starts liking someone else that doesn't matter to him anymore.

      2nd its not just about finding someone new...until you drop him you will always wonder "maybe one day?" why try and hold onto something that is just a dream. My girlfriend and I played a game called fantasy for 6 months.

    • In the end the only way to really keep your friendship is hurt yourself now instead of dragging something out. Its hard to explain but if you drag it out you wind up ending it all anyways. Lol after 6 months of trying she wrote me and said I can't try anymore we need to never talk again. wtf did we try for ?

  • You need to give each other space first. You can't go straight from relationship to an awesome friendship.

    After a couple of weeks/months depending on how long the relationship was you can reconnect and be friends.

    It may even take years if the feelings he has for you are deep.

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  • talk to each other every freaking day no matter how much it hurts

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    • Hey, don't mean to be rude here, but here I'm just being blunt and honest. Don't take this personally. If they are breaking up, then why should they keep talking? Just curious.

  • you can't be friends

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