Ex girlfriend starts to regret or accepts the situation?

Hi all !

I met a girl 8 years ago, we used to be really close friends for 5 years until we decided to be together (3 years). She is Chinese and I am German. I met her in Germany, she was there for her Master and PHD and I was finishing my Bachelor.

I went to China to get an exhange, she was realy sad about it because of the long distance but she was happy for what I was doing. She is from Beijing and I went there as well. I got a nice time and experience but when I went back to Germany, she broke it up because she couldn't continue living there (Can only speak English and Chinese). Also, she needed a working visa for that.

We saw each other 3 months after I went back to Germany, talked and decided to be together again. But at the sae time, she was going trough a lot of problems in her life and failed her exams (She then had to stay a longer time in Germany, to pass them again).

I went back to Beijing (For her) I also can get something nice there so, no problem

She broke it up again 4 months later, saying I was not her priority anymore. But she said she cares a lot about me and she wanted to remain friends. I obsiously refused. I never cheated or did anything disrespectful. I was super nice to this girl and the only thing I wanted was to make her happy.

She has been disrespectful while she had all her problems (I tried to help). And 6 months later, she wishes me a happy birthday on Facebook. Right after that, she posted "It is when you don't know what to say that you tend to lose the person". She always posted things about me and her (indirectly). But this one makes me curious. Because maybe she will have to come back here anyway. Regret or acceptance? Since she is the dumper.

The funny part of the story is that I met a guy when I had a trip in Shanghai. He has a super similar situation but never got any contact since his break up. But he moved on and he has been able to accept things how they are. I still cannot but I am working on it


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What Girls Said 2

  • She wanted to be friends when she broke up with you (for whatever reason) and you didn't want to. She's just hurt that she lost you someone she cared about a lot.

  • hi, i am a Chinese girl, i read your story twice, and here are my thoughts. From what you said, she broke up with you twice, all because of her life problems, visa or study problems. and she refused your help when you tried to help. from my point of view, she is immature, also maybe she is a very stressed person who can't look at things in a brighter way. If she truly loves you , she wouldn't give up your relationship so easily. when she broke up the second time, she still wanted to be friends, maybe she didn't want to lose you , just as a friend, but i think she still wanted you to be a rebound friend. in the whole time, you are the dumpee, you dont want to lose her, so now when you saw her messages on facebook , it sounds like she regrets losing you. do you think about why she regrets now? its been 6 months since your breakup, maybe she dated somone
    else, and found out you are better for her. or maybe she just regrets.
    finally, i just want to say, if she really wants to come back to you, she will act and tell you directly, not let you guess , wonder. its too difficult to date someone who is negative all the time, its very very difficult to be happy with them. so either she has changed now, or even you two are together , there will be problems too.
    what you can do now is to focus on yourself, improve yourself, be the sun, people always are attracted to the sunshine smiles:) whether she is back or not, you are happy with your life, thats the most important thing!!! i hope my advice helps you.

    • Thank you for your advice, I'm happy to know there is a Chinese who can maybe help me for this kind of situation.

      Are you abroad to study / work? Because maybe you can really feel what I mean.

      If you feel deeply in love with someone once, but the situation is not at your advantage. You have a LDR and you think you no more love this person. Also, during a LDR, many things change (environment, opportunities). You tend to think about what you want first (kind of selfish but I can understand it) since the other person is abroad, far away from your eyes and the communication is not always the best.

      I think the only way to know if you still love someone is simply to spend some time with each other. Also, we always tend to realize our mistakes when the relationship is broken. Always months after (I have been a dumper also, I know what I am talking about).

      it's easy to regret (really) when you start wondering "What if I didn't break up?"

      I have nothing to regret, but my love is sincere

    • hi,i am the chinese girl, you are welcome. i am happy i can help. i have never been abroad, but i had LDR twice. and i had a foreign boyfriend before, we broke up last year. it took me a long time to get over it. so i understand how you feel. its good that you dont have regrets. then you can move forward. live a happy life and find someone better. good luck:):)

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