I broke up with him — was it a mistake?

After taking over 2 years to get over my ex, I met someone. Someone I actually connected with, was attracted to, respected me, made me laugh, made me happy. I fell hard because I hadn't met anyone since my ex who made me feel the way he made me feel. I love him, even though were only made it to 4 months.

I broke up with him last night. I'm sad, heartbroken for sure. I think I did the right thing — for me. But maybe I'm wrong. Please, let me know what you think...

Yesterday, he told me he wanted a break. He said he wasn't sure he could give me what I needed: love. He said he loved me, but wasn't in love with me (at least he didn't think he was). He said he needed time/space to think about his feelings, that he was confused, & our relationship seemed to move too fast. Before me, he was single for a year and a half. He is a traveling nurse, and was going to be leaving in September, forcing us to break up then or pursue a long distance relationship.

We had a calm, collected, mature conversation about the break. I asked him to consider working on the relationship together and that I would still give him the time and space he needed. He still wanted the break. I didn't want it. I honestly don't see the point in taking a break. He is going away on vacation for a week this week, and I wouldn't have been seeing him anyway. I didn't want to wait around sad and hopeful in limbo just for him to come back and tell me it was officially over. I didn't get a choice in my last failed relationship, so this time I made the choice for both of us. I didn't want to breakup, but he pushed me toward the only decision that gave me a choice. I figure, I might as well have a jump start on healing instead of prolonging the pain.

We texted a little last night. He told me he thinks he made a mistake, he's hurting and torn, and that he wishes I agreed to the break. I didn't break up with him as a game to make him come back, but now I'm afraid I made the WRONG choice. Help?
  • You made the right choice — you chose to love yourself more than him
    Vote A
  • You made the wrong choice and should have waited it out, especially since you love him
    Vote B
  • This is difficult; I don't know
    Vote C
  • Wait it out and see if he contacts you. Maybe you can reconcile?
    Vote D
  • Tell him you made a mistake
    Vote E
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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • For the signs you showed in your text, he seems to be a bit overwhelmed about the feelings you share and about the pace things are happening.

    Consider that you're maybe wanting him to fill the gap your last love let empty, and it is not fair to the new guy: 4 months is not that much time for deep love, in general. You may be demonstrating to him that you have too high expectations in a short period of time.

    I think the break up was a mistake and you should talk together. When a man asks for a time and he is hurt about it (for real, ofc) generally it means he was being suphocated by something (jealousy, expectations, etc) OR he has other priorities (single life, career, etc).

    Try to figure out together who and how you are as a couple and focus on your life now and forward, let the past remain where it belongs (i. e., nobody is your former lover and nobody will be - it is natural to have strong emotions when you did not have the 'option' to breakup on that time, keep this in mind).

    Best of luck!

    • Thanks for your response. We are planning on talking in two weeks. I'm going in without expectations, but I anticipate the breakup holding up. It's hard for me not to be influenced by the past, but you're right, I can't let it influence the present.

What Girls Said 1

  • Of course you made the right decision. Wait for no one! If he was that serious, he wouldn't need a break. How ballsy of him to expect you to wait until he made the decision. Screw that! You go with your self respect! More power to you! 👍🏻

    • Thank you! This made me feel better. It was a really hard decision to make, but it was the right decision for me in the situation. We've spoken a little yesterday, and he knows that I didn't want any of this. I'm speaking to him again in two weeks.. until then, no contact.

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