Emergency advice required?

So a few months ago my ex dumped me after 2 and a half years together. Today I find out that she started dating a guy who she said was just a friend. A guy who I was extremely paranoid about and told her that I was fearful and she insisted that it was nothing.

I am experiencing an incredible amount of grief and sadness. I am so upset and I want to text her and yell at her and tell her how upset I am. My friends have advised me that doing this would be a poor idea. All logic for me is out the window at this point. I don't know what to do. Help.


Most Helpful Girl

  • A similar situation happened with me and my ex. He also said she was a skit and hooked up with all his guy friends. . . he winded up marrying her 3 months after we broke up. You just have to let it go. Trust me, I KNOW, it sucks!!! But don't let her feel that you care, it's only going to give her more satisfaction. I made that mistake, and 4 years later I wish I had never shared my anger or resentment towards him. Just let it be, no matter no hard it is. I'm pretty sure they are divorced now with a 3 year old. Didn't work out so well. Things ALWAYS happen for a reason, I'm just glad I wasn't apart of that. Even though now it seems to kill your heart Everytime you think about it, just know what you'll look back and this time and THANK GOD you weren't with her anymore.

    • Thanks so much for the advice. In your future relationships were you able to repair the trust for people that you lost? I don't want to be a cynical person moving forward, but I feel like putting my absolute trust in my ex when she was saying this guy was just a friend, is something that screwed me over big time and I just don't want to make the same mistake twice.

    • I'm all sorts of screwed up when it comes to trust. But you have to use your heart not your head. I just trust that God isn't going to put me in a situation I can't get through. Its super hard to trust people, but when you don't let yourself open up to people you wind up hurting yourself

Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly dude, that was my exact scenario when I was your age except I was the one who started dating a friend who my ex had been worried about when we were still together.
    In my case, we were never anything more than just friends until several months after I broke up with the girl I had been with for almost 3 years. I think my ex saw that me and this new girl had a lot in common and she even told me a few times before we broke up that she was worried that this new girl who was just a friend might be a better match. At the time, I didn't see it that way... she was just a friend.
    After becoming single though, just through the course of hanging out as just friends it evolved and we did eventually start going out.
    And it hurt my ex, which I did feel bad about, because they had become friends too. So not only was I now dating a girl I had just been friends with, but it was also my EX's friend that I was dating. Complicated situation.

    Anyway, don't spend too much time or energy worrying about it. It doesn't sound like there was any evidence that she was cheating on you with this guy when you were still together, right? No solid evidence?
    Give her the benefit of the doubt. The relationships been over for months anyway, so it's time for both of you to move on. Look at it as a learning experience.

    It's obvious that your relationship with her was serious since you were together for 2.5 years, but at the same time it didn't end up working out.
    She's obviously going to move on and date other guys, and you'll date other girls. If she's happy with this other guy and he treats her well, then you should feel happy for her. I'm sure you do want her to be happy and find the right guy, and if it's this dude then fine.

    But you need to be worried about you, not her. She's no longer your business. Focus on your own life, get yourself in shape and start meeting new women to date and be happy with.

    • I appreciate your insight given that you've seen this scenario yourself in the past. Did she physically cheat on me while we were in the relationship? No I am fairly certain of that. However I have reason to believe she was emotionally interested in this guy before our relationship ended.

      As a guy I think you would agree that in our relationships we can sense when another man is interested in our partner and this was the case for me. However I only voiced my concerns respectfully and never accused her of having feelings for this guy and trusted her completely to handle herself. She did things like talk to him about things she wouldn't talk about with me, drunk dialled him occasionally. And now I feel like the trust that I gave in hindsight was wasted on someone. Thank you for your advice about focusing on myself. I'm sure its going to be difficult but I'm going to aspire to do so. However I must disagree and say that I am in no way happy for her and that I dont endorse her happiness

    • Well, yeah, I know what you mean you can tell when a guy is in to your girlfriend.

      The fact of the matter is, your relationship with her ended. It ended because it wasn't working for one, or both of you. That's just the way it goes some times, especially in your late teens and early 20's when you're just beginning to figure out your place in the world and what things are important in a relationship.

      Don't resent her, or him. And if it's too fresh to be happy for her, I understand that too! Forget about them though and move forward with your own life. If it works out with them, maybe at some later date you'll be able to let go of all the negative feelings and be happy that she found the right guy. Of course, it's easier when you've found the right girl too.

      Treasure the memories of all the good times you had, remember all the lessons you learned along the way, and understand that we're all just human and we sometimes can't control our feelings and make mistakes.

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What Girls Said 5

  • 1. This isn't an emergency LOL but yes often these things happen, usually our gut feeling is right so when you didn't quite feel comfortable about it usually means you're right and turns out you are. You shouldn't text her how upset you are because she's not even thinking about you she's thinking about herself.

    • Hey. I labelled it an emergency because emotionally I'm extremely upset with this news and I wanted to seek out advice before I made the situation any worse. Thank you for the pointers, I am well aware now that I should have trusted my instincts. But now I don't know what to do or how to feel.

    • you start to work on yourself because no one can pick you back up like yourself, never rely on other people for your happiness, take this as a lesson and know that you deserve a lot better so next time she contacts you ignore it

  • I'm sorry :(
    I agree with your friends here, do not text her. Doing so will do no good for you. And will probably make you feel hurt even more if she doesn't respond or she reacts in a negative way.
    This is something you need to gently remind yourself that you have no control over. Yes it hurts and may hurt for a while, but with the right frame of mind and some time you will overcome this.
    When you feel frustrated or angry go and do something that will keep you busy. Turn to a friend that will listen to you and support you.
    I promise you won't feel this way forever xx

    • Thank you for the kind words. All I wanted to do yesterday when I found out was yell at her but I think I know it would not have done any good. How long do you think this will last?

    • I'm glad you chose not to text her. Nothing good would come of it. Other commenters are right in regards to her not thinking of you regarding this situation. While it does happen often, it still never feels good!! Instincts are usually correct, when we chose to ignore them we end up getting hurt.
      I don't know how long they'd last, that's not something I can answer for you, but in the mean time you should look inwards and explore all your good qualities and remind yourself why someone would be lucky to have you. Heartbreak is not an easy thing to go through, but reminding yourself that you don't need someone else to experience happiness, will take you on the right road to feeling better:)

  • Just don't do it. as much as it hurts, it'll only make you look bad.

  • I feel like you need to be true to your feelings tell get what you feel just don't yell... telling is always bad.

  • It's over. Nothing left to do. Mkve on.


What Guys Said 3

  • what happened is happened to make you see that you deserve to be with someone better than her.
    the good girl/guy doesn't need to knock on her/his heart to hear your love, but the scoundrel girl/guy won't respond even if you break the door. what happened won't diminish in your age... it will make you more open for life.
    if you really want to text her... let her see the light of your happiness without her... that's the best message ever to send
    sorry for what happened..

  • Don't text her. It will only put you in an even worse situation. Avoid her at all times and never speak to her again. Hate towards ex's is common, but ranting it all out on them is only bad for you; it feeds their pride. My recommendations are to spend your time, and, sadly, kinda meditate or think about stuff. Watch movies, read books, watch series, write a book, express yourself, go to the gym.

    • Thanks I never considered that I might be feeding pride but I think you may be right.

  • Hit the strip bar, hire a hooker, just get her off of your mind. No good can come from calling her.


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