She was the first person who I said "I love you" to. We dated for 4 years, but I didn't feel that she was treating me well - lying and covering it up, breaking her own relationship rules, guilt trips, etc.
I lost a ton of friends in the process, so I don't get invited out as much as before we started dating.
Any advice would be appreciated!
Most Helpful Girl
Remind yourself of the reality - she lied and deceived you, and assuming those a qualities you don't want in a partner, then she wasn't the person you thought she was, therefore you aren't in love with her, but who you hoped she would be. Once we recognize we have feelings for an idea and not the actual person, we can start to let go. identify what you love about the person you thought you were with, but then identify how that person is not the person you loved, yeah? It's hard because we don't want to embrace that reality because we feel like we wasted our time or we can make good decisions or whatever, but when you realize "Oh, okay, the reality is I wanted to believe so much good about that person, and ignore the bad things they did, so now I accept their behaviour instead of deny it, I can see I don't really love that person, because that person isn't a good character", or something along those lines. It's okay to love an idea of a person and place your feelings there, but you need to differentiate between the real person and the person you really wanted your ex to be.
- Show AllShow Less