How to not be the ex-girlfriend from hell?

The problem? I'm that "only if" girl... I've heard a million guys say "you'd be the perfect girl IF you didn't have 'issues.'" My dad was a drunk growing up and I never learned how to properly argue with men or trust them as a result. yet I constantly think men are the solution to and cause of all problems.

I get upset with the guy I'm dating usually because I think he's wronged me, and instead of letting it go- I make matters worse. He'll beg to get off the phone or threaten to hang up on me... and instead of walking away and being like, ok, let's talk tomorrow... I find the insatiable need to "fix" things right then and there and talk it out. This leads to me threatening to drive to his place and acting like that "crazy girl" that even I would make fun of.

I hate this part of me, it's ruined countless relationships and even being friends with exes afterwards. I don't know what to do~ I felt like I was fine until we slept together. But even when we were dating, I'm like literally the worse person to fight with because I won't want to leave a convo until we are on good terms again- which never happens.

What do I do? Am I destined to become a cat lady and live alone? I'm attractive, smart and witty- but my "issues" make me an insecure ex-gf from hell... ugh.

-ugh, annoyed with self

My ex and I were fine with minimum contact for 5 months after breakup... then we started having "ex-sex" and something emotional came up in me and now I call him all the time and having countless "the talks." I know I'm doing literally EVERYTHING they say you shouldn't do as an ex... but how do I stop? All my friends are in relationships and it exacerbates my loneliness


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Really, I can't give you anything to do to keep you from persisting. This is just something you're going to have to force yourself to do. While it is a very good idea to try and fix relationship problems, it is a bad idea to do it while you're in a p*ssy mood. If anything, you need to just learn to hang up and blow off steam before you try to fix anything. At that point, calmly discuss the situation with your boyfriend and explain to him why it upset you. Your boyfriend needs to do the same.

    Some reasons that you need to fix these things:

    -If you refuse to let something go, then your boyfriend will probably not want to try and talk things out with you in the future. Hence, no problems will get fixed, and your relationship is screwed.

    -Sex is more emotional for women than for men (most of the time). For your ex, sex is just sex, and he can keep from stirring up feelings from it. If you can't just have casual sex with him, then don't do it at all. Your relationship is done, and sex isn't going to repair it.

    -If you're p*ssy when you're trying to fix things, you will not come to a reasonable solution. You will be flinging blame and accusations back and forth, and hate each others' guts. You just have to learn to stop. This isn't even about arguing with guys, but with people in general.

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What Guys Said 1

  • You might consider geting professional help, if you really want to change your behaviour, most of your partners just give up on you because you behave in such a way that its not worth the effort. Either find a partner who is patient and understanding or deal with these issues with a Psychologist and work on some behaviour modification strategies. At least you are self aware, you recognise you have a problem, it drives partners away, you need to learn how to change, so your partners won't run away.

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What Girls Said 1

  • If all your issues make you insecure maybe you just need to stop dating for a bit. If you can't fix your problems while your in a relationship and you end up making things worse for yourself maybe you just need to take a break and focus on fixing you!

    Oh yeah and the ex your having feeling so for the best way to fix that is to just let him go. Having sex with him obviously isn't the answer and it looks to me like it is making things worse for you. So STOP having sex with him. Just let things be...what you had in the past was fun, the casual sex you've been having was fun...awesome now its time to move on and leave it in the past.

    As for your friends and your loneliness well maybe you need to take a break from them too. I'm not saying cut them off completely I'm just saying find other people to hangout with too. Take a class or something...any kind of hobby you always wanted to take up? Get into it, you'll be doing something for you, meeting new people, and keeping your mind off your guys.

    Take a good few minutes and sit down with yourself...maybe a sheet of paper if you have a bad memory. Think about all of the things in your life that you see as problems that are holding you back. Like your relationship issues. Try to make it as specific as possible. Then you go through your list and decide how to fix each one...its probably best to only take on one at a time. You don't want to over do it!

    If your not into any of those ideas we can always go with...maybe its not you its them! Your situation sounds just like the situation I was in months ago with my exboyfriend. I too am one of those people that want to fix it before I get off the phone. We had trust issues and he would tell me I'm crazy. That I would be perfect if I wasn't crazy. Well guess what guys...we don't just go to bed sane one night and wake up crazy the next morning! Taking time to fix myself now I can look back and see that he made me crazy. I had trust issues because he gave me reason too. He would constantly be chatting it up with other girls well hello GIRLFRIEND that's supposed to mean something. I take my fair share of the blame but I won't take all of it even though that's how he sees it. I let him go and focused on fixing myself...I'm still working on it but I'm much happier. Its a lot easier for me to let things go now...like those phone problems that always needed to be fixed before he could hang up...I'd like to think it would help with that.

    Anyways...I think it might help you to take some you time! Build up your confidence...know that you're awesome and you could have any guy you wanted so the guy you do pick is lucky to have you!

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