I'm definitely going through my first heartbreak and I don't know what to do with myself?

I just need someone to hear me out and maybe help me make sense of this. I don't know what to do with my life right now. I'd appreciate it if you read til the end.

I met a guy in the beginning of the school year, September. he told me he liked me in march (texting) and we started hanging out. I started to like him too after about a week because he was so cute and sweet to me. He would say I'm stunning, beautiful, the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. But this was my first time with a boy. I know this is pretty sad because I'm 17, but that's the truth. I did however like him and wanted to show him, so I let a few things happen which was all I was ready for. I let him hold my waist, my hands. We hugged a lot and that was my comfort zone. obviously I knew that if we stayed together id give him more like maybe a kiss, but I wasn't gonna give him my first kiss after a couple weeks. He'd already gotten so many of my firsts, I was content for now.

Anyways, here comes the heartbreak. I thought things were going great. We'd been hanging out for 2 months and I thought we'd start dating soon But turns out I was wrong. I was on his Instagram by accident yesterday and a girl from another highschool was in his bio and profile pic, like he is in hers. She has a picture of them with their fingers interlocked. They've known eachother a week. So I texted him and he said he's moved on. pretty much what he said was its cause not enough "happened" in our 2 months. I thought things were great but then he just goes and dates a girl he met a week ago. that just makes me wonder if he'll ditch me so fast, how could he have meant all those things he said to me? I feel like dirt. And I know I shouldn't be but I feel guilty that I didn't give him enough when I had the chance. He says he hates me and doesn't know why he ever liked me. I've been crying since this happened. It's 5 AM and I'm crying. I knew it wasn't gonna last forever but I didn't think it would end like this. I miss him.
And it was blatantly obvious that I liked him. All my friends were stunned by how much affection I was showing him, someone who's never even told a boy she liked them is now letting a guy wrap his arms around he from the back and put his neck on her shoulder. I would hug him around his neck and squeeze him tight. I feel like if he really liked me he would've waited for me. Not only that how can he be so vicious after all he's taken from me. His friends are pissed, they told him he was my first.


Most Helpful Guy

  • He loved you at a certain point, and even considered you as a potential girlfriend. Now his attention is with another girl who is exciting his imagination.

    Welcome to the era of high speed dating, which is relegating vanilla courtship to a thing of the past.

    A lesson you should take from this experience. Guys are like high speed stock traders, constantly moving their efforts every second to girls that offer the best profit.

    You are probably more cute than the girl he is paying attention to now. The fact is, guys look for sex to find love; girls look for love to find sex. While that might not be applicable to everyone, it seems that's what has happened in your situation.

    Hold yourself together. I know it's easy said than done. There are many great guys out there right now who are looking for a girl like you.

    In my last breakup, the following worked for me; it could work for you too.

    # Step 1
    The first thing I do is embracing I cannot switch off my feelings for her like a switch light. Recognising my inability to effect a desirable change is itself relieving.

    # Step 2
    I feel the hurtful feelings of breaking up rather than diverting attention from them. It doesn't matter if it takes a day, week or month. Diverting focus from the hurtful feelings only decelerate the recovery process.

    # Step 3
    I accept she is no longer with me, instead of nursing hope and fighting for her to come back. This is the biggest mistake I made in my first breakup. It only heightens the pain and prolongs the recovery process.

    # Step 4
    I focus on the good memories she brought to my life. This shifts my mind from hurtful to positive emotions. The mistake I made with my first breakup is I focused on her frailties to convince myself she wasn't beautiful enough. I was merely lying to myself because if she wasn't good enough I won't have been with her in the first place.

    # Step 5
    I remove items that I associate with her. I also block and delete all her phone number, email address and other forms of communication like whatsapp, etc., including the contacts of some of her friends.

    # Step 6
    While carrying out the above five steps I engage quite a lot in activities, such as meditation, running, gym and strolling in the woods and park. I set important activities to do daily, and focus on completing them.

    # Step 7
    I draw inspiration from my first breakup. It's like telling myself I have been through this before, and came out stronger 6 to 12 months after the breakup.


Most Helpful Girl

  • "He says he hates me and doesn't know why he ever liked me"

    He sounds like a fucking jerk to me. I'm not sure why you'd miss a trash guy like him. He belongs in the dirt. Not with a girl like you who actually has values. It sounds to me like he was after sexual things more than you might have realized. The fact that he comments that not enough happened tells me what his intentions were. You deserve so much more and better. There's no magic words that can erase the pain; but rest assured that time will help heal your wounds. Most of us have gotten through heartbreaks (in my case MANY times) and even though it never gets easy; it does empower you and make you stronger and wiser. When you look back in a few years you'll be so happy it didn't work out with him. Your right match is out there for you and is looking forward to meeting a girl just like you. Remember; a guy not liking you is not a reflection of YOU. It's a reflection of the connection that is not there between you two. There's nothing wrong with you. The universe just didn't intend for you two to be together because there's someone better, more attractive and more compatible for you. Your MR right is searching for you and this had to happen in order for you to meet he right guy someday.


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What Guys Said 6

  • Very sorry, heartbreak is... terrible. you put yourself out there... emotionally... and he bolted. I know how that hurts... Read the bible... can make a lot of sense out of this from the Genesis story...

    Realize guys are very immature at that age through about 40. Just kidding.. kinda, but somewhere in that range, they start to grow up... emotionally. He may have had strong feelings for you of course, but guys don't know what they are saying and their hormones are going nuts... driving them towards a girl... and they don't really know why. Nor do they know what love is... they know what sexual attraction is for sure! It is possible he felt rejection if he asked for stuff and didn't get it... but oh well... he has to go by your rules and that's that.

    Love is something else... its a choice to care for the best for that person. There is a mis-translation of that word between male and female until you both mature. He says it but it means "I want you"/desire. You think it means something deeper.

    Take a deep breath, it's ok, your gonna survive.

    "He hates you" - this is a way for him to push you away probably, I don't know for sure... but it makes it easier to be lame and do what he did... go to another girl without breaking up first. LAME! BOY CHILD... be glad you didnt' give him more... he was not worthy.

    So now you start thinking... I have to give more or I'm gonna get hurt like that again. Ugh... you only give what you are ready for according to your values and that's that. Talk to a counselor may help or read some books now about relationships, clean up those emotions... make note of what you learned about youself and dudes, and try again. More will come around. Your heart though... needs to be protected... your self esteem pumped to the max or guys will walk all over you.

  • Try to find some new hobbies that will keep you busy. Hangout with your friends as much as possible to keep your mind off of him. Maybe you can to talk to a friend about how you feel right now might help. Don't be afraid to scream or cry when needed either. I know how you feel right now I'm going through the same thing. Hope that helped or if I can help any other way don't hesitate.

  • Well you learned your first life lesson:

    "pretty much what he said was its cause not enough "happened" in our 2 months."

    What he was meaning is that he wanted things to move faster. I. e. after 2 months he wanted to have sex. When you get past 20 it is common to have sex after meeting up the 3rd or 4th time. Even at 17, holding hands and hugging just isn't going to cut it two months in for many guys.

    Part of the issue may be that you feel female and male "love" is identical. Sadly it isn't.

    I'm sorry to hear that this happened and I hope you learned something new.

  • listen,

    ALL GUYS, even if they are nerdy and geeky want more than just holding hands.

    it sounds like you are a lot LESS ready to move things to kissing and other stuff than this guy...

    if you aren't ready to move on so quickly in the physical department then you either need to

    A) allow yourself to grow and be ready for a real relationship where there is kissing, touching, petting and sex...

    b) look for a nicer guy, maybe someone geeky and nerdy who can be more patient with an opportunity by a cute girl like you must be..."cute" guys are on the prowl and theyre never going to wait for you

    also, you're 17... im at least 10 years older than you and i recommend you keep taking it at YOUR PACE. there will be plenty time to date guys... and in todays age... even if you met someone now, chances are you won't end up with them.

  • same here, i am also after a breakup, be strong, if you wanna chat hit me up

  • Relax you'll be ok


What Girls Said 2

  • This is just normal heartbreak. But he says he hates you now? And not enough happened quick enough? You're 17, there shouldn't be an express lane. If he wasn't willing to go at your pace then be thankful he moved on. That's usually means he was there for the wrong reasons. Someone who genuinely cares for you for move ar your speed, especially so young, and you will be thankful you waited. Don't feel guilty, you did nothing wrong. Him saying he hates you for nothing also shows his mentality.

  • It wasn't going to last, it might not seem that way. It seemed like you were going to be together forever. It feels like the pain will never end but it will, eventually. It will become better sooner than you'd expect. by the way why does it say you're 28 when you're 17?


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