How to mend the friendship again?

He likes me more than a friend.. I don't. He's too nice (in other words, he's not much of a challenge for me) I do appreciate everything he's done for me..

When my boyfriend broke up with me recently, I called my friend up at 2 a.m - He came over, we talked about it all and everything. Before I knew it, it turned into an argument about each others feelings.. I got so confuse and he got angry, said to me 'This is pointless, you're just gonna go back to him..' and left.. Since then we haven't talked - It's been a month... And I didn't even get back together with my ex. Do I just let this be?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • So you knew he had feelings for you and you still called him at 2 am hoping that he would make you feel better and wouldn't be crushed to know that he still has no chance with you? Just try to think how you would've felt if a guy you liked did that to you. It bothers me so much to see that some girls love the attention so much that they completely forget that we are not made out of stone.

    Honestly, do you really want to save your friendship or you are only doing this because now he is a challenge for you? because if you did, you would be trying to make sure to set things straight with him instead of waiting for him to contact you.

    I'm sure that you are not a cold hearted bitch cz you sound like you care about this guy but you have to understand that it might be too late. If you two ever start talking again tell him that you are sorry if you mislead him but you just don't like him that way and that if he can understand that maybe you guys can be friends again but nothing more (you don't want to set his hopes high up again).

    One more thing ... Life is not always about what you want but what you deserve and many people seem to forget it these days. I just hope that you can learn from it and avoid making the same mistakes again.

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    • No, I'm not doing this because we aren't talking.. I'm doing this because I don't wanna lose this friendship.. I do really care about him.. How could I mislead him when I told him from the jump that I have no feelings for him? We've been friends for 5 years and just last year he told me that he liked me.. He always seems to get close to me when I have a boyfriend..

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    • In that case the only thing you can do is tell him exactly what you just told me. He obviously cares a lot about you and if he is a true friend he will respect that. It might be hard for him because its not easy to just act like you can block those feelings, trust me I've been there but in the end he also has to use his brain. If he can't do that there is nothing else you can do and, well, you have to accept that you could lose him and be prepared to that.

      I'm sorry that I can't help you more.

    • Okay, thanks.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 7

  • This is exactly why when I'm interested in a girl, and she says LJBF (let's just be friends), I don't completely befriend her. It's self-inflicted torture imo. Unless I'm in a new area & I'm socially networking, she's dead to me, unless I'm ironically in the same place as her. Then...I talk to her if I feel like it. No need to invest time, energy & money on a girl that I know for sure doesn't "want" me, when my resources could be spent on another girl. Call me an asshole if you want; my personal resources are too valuable to waste.

    You called your friend, who you KNOW has feelings for you, @ 2 f***'n am, about your boyfriend issues? Wow...that is insanely f***'d up. Do you REALLY think he wants to hear that s***? Did you not think about his feelings? I'd have the same reaction he did (and he was right, wasn't he?) Put yourself in his shoes (unless you're too selfish to do that), & you'll realize how wrong & selfish that is.

    This is EXACTLY why guys turn into assholes to get girls. You jaded this guy into thinking girls are manipulative & dumb b****es that use nice & caring guys as emotional crutches, & give themselves to guys that are less deserving. Congrats; you fueled the cycle, removed a caring guy from the dating game & added another asshole to the dating game, by being selfish & heartless. You females self-inflict your dating troubles.

    This guy, by saying that statement you quoted, said everything. He's fed up of your emotional abuse, & took a stand. If you really cared about him, you wouldn't fuel to him about ur boyfriend issues late @ night, knowing HE wants to be your boyfriend (but you threw him aside for whatever reason.) I seriously feel y'all relationship is f***'d, because his discontent is that strong. Seriously..you don't emotionally use & abuse your friends for your selfish needs. Main lesson learned: guys, believe or not, DO have feelings. Girls seem to think, like "133mike" said, that we're "made of stone".

    P.S. You seemed comfy talking to him about personal stuff, which is important for a relationship. This forum has a right to know...why did you not even try to date this guy? Specifically...what turned you off of him?

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    • I don't see him as a guy I could date. There are no sparks, no fire, no sexual chemistry. After all, isn't that what separates being friends from being more than friends?

    • That's understandable. All I have to say, in conclusion is...I hope you learned not to talk to a guy friend (who is interested in you) about your boyfriend issues, & how that's just using the person.

      P.S. If my response sounded really strong...it's because I've seen this scenario happen to many guys, and it makes me mad how girls tend to "use" these guys to boost their self-esteem, to get with another guy.

  • Dont feel bad for him not talking to you. If he really is ur friend he will come back.

    Hes just like any other Nice Guy out there. He doesn't know any better.

    He's gotta learn by himself that women don't like Nice Guys, they like Good Guys. There's a difference.

    Cheers,

    Neves

    Advanced Dating Coach and Instructor

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  • You probably should. It's another real-life example of girls ignoring the nice guy and choosing an unsuccessful relationship for fear of boredom. But, hey, you like challenges... I'm sure you'll find plenty in your life.

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  • He's jealous. And immature.

    You're in a good spot with him.

    But you want/need a relationship with someone, it seems.

    There's a Joan Baez song, "Let It Be"...

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  • Yes. Stop using him as an emotional crutch.

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  • If you really care about him like you say you do, just let it go. Obviously he understands how it is; he knows what it's like to be the guy you SHOULD be with and yet gets crapped on, as evidenced by what he said. Good for him. He'll find a great girl for himself. That's probably what he's doing and you shouldn't interfere with that.

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  • Yeah, I'm sure "challenging" boyfriend material will help you in the long run. Look where it got you now.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Wow, that's incredibly selfish. You KNEW he likes you more than just a friendship but you rub your emotional relationship problems in his face? What an ass! He was more than nice by coming over to console you and you haven't said ANYTHING to him in a month? I would leave him alone. He needs better than you and clearly deserves it too.

    You don't want him because he's a strong independent man who you cannot manipulate? That's what I gathered from what you have said.

    Since your question was 'How to mend...' I provide you with this: A real friend knows when to walk away, knows when to bombard someone with the truth even if it hurts, and stands beside someone 100%. They help them see multiple views to a problem or issue they may have and they tell someone when something, or someone, is not worth the time involved.

    You not getting back with your ex wasn't the problem he had. You being a selfish bitch and rubbing things in his face was. He got fed up with it and walked away from you. If he hasn't contacted you then take it as a sign that he doesn't want you in his life anymore. If you want to continue a friendship the best thing to do is to call/text him and apologize as well as state that you value him as a close friend so dearly that you're afraid if a relationship ever became that your friendship would dissipate with the relationship, if the relationship ended.

    Best of luck in your future endeavors... or challenges

    best wishes

    ~bnwsmile

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    • Truth.

      Calling him at 2 am, crying, even when she knew that he liked her more than just a friend.

    • Well, then.. That's too bad.. Thanks though..

  • Not at all. If he is a valued friend to you then you need to let him know that. He cares about you and is probably being stubborn because he probably feels like an ass, and that's why he hasn't initiated conversation with you over the last month.

    If you means anything to you at all you wouldn't let him just walk out of your life like that. Call him, apologize for the confrontation.

    But make it clear to him exactly how you feel, and that you would just like to remain friends and that you don't want to lose him because he is an important person to you.

    Don't leave things unsettled.

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