How do I tell him that we need to let it go?

I know this is long, but you're help is GREATLY appreciated...

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years. It's been a roller coaster.

The beginning was amazing, as most relationships are. And then things just got complicated. I love him with every fiber of my being. And I know that he truly loves me too. But I know we are on different pages at this point.

It has been so exhausting. I feel like I have given so much of myself to this relationship, and sacrificed a great amount. Granted, I do recognize he has as well to some extent. But it's just not enough. I have brought this to his attention before, but to no avail.

That may sound selfish, but we all have wants/needs and we deserve to have them satisfied, we shouldn't have to "make do" or settle.

There has been times where he has said things like "why are we still trying to make this work" or "I'm sure there is someone out there for us that will make us happy" and when he gets mad he'll say "this isn't working" and "if you don't answer [my text/call] I'm done"...

I would NEVER say things like that to him. EVER. At times I have called his bluff, and he would do a 180 with "no babe, we can make this work, we love each other yadda yadda"...

So basically, at this point, so much damage has been done to my moral, self esteem and happiness that I know I need to walk away.

It's soooo sooo hard. But I know it's what we need. And I think that if we are meant to be, then we will when the time is right.

My heart is completely torn in two different directions. But I feel like I have been putting forth all the effort to keep us together, and I am OUT of energy/ideas/ways to make this work.

Part of me hopes that by doing this, he will realize some things, and grow up a bit [as will I I'm sure] and he will come back ready to put forth just as much effort.

So my question is...Is THAT reasonable to expect?

and HOW do I tell him these things without sounding like a drama queen or pushing him so far away that there is no hope for a future?

Thanks for the answers so far :] I don't know how this will go. When I've tried to do this before, he talks me into holding on. And I'm so completely torn. It feels necessary yet so completely wrong.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly, I don't think its reasonable to expect that.

    I DO however think that you are right in choosing to end it.

    The thing is, people are continually growing and changing into who they are going to be. This growth slows down once you hit adulthood, but never really stops. However, teens and early 20s experience a lot of growth, which can make relationships very frustrating.

    You are in love with the person that he was when you fell in love. It seems that now both of you have been growing in different directions, and both of you are different people now. That's not a bad thing, that's normal.

    What sucks is that it is so hard to realize this. Because he still looks, talks, and feels like that person you knew. And therein lies the frustration.

    Similar thing happened to me in high school, we just grew in two different directions. And that breakup caused me so much grief and took way to long to pin point what happened.

    So don't be like that you know?

    Also, its never a good idea to expect people to change for you. They never truly do. They might mirror change, but once things are back to normal, they will slowly change back. That is just how it works.


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What Guys Said 1

  • I've been on all ends of this exact situation. It's never easy and it always hurts. But, one thing I've learned is holding on to something that you should let go only makes it worse. I've experienced this first hand a few times.

    In the end once I've finally let go and the natural pain wears off, I always realize that it's a part of life. Things come and things go and mostly nothing stays the same. You have to take what you've learned from the relationship and use it in the future. You love him and he loves you. That doesn't mean you are right for each other. Your mind will be clouded for while and eventually it will clear. When it does and you have started a new life / relationship with someone else, you will be better prepared for situations and it gets easier to deal with things the more you've experienced them.

    Be honest, stay true to yourself. Move forward and don't look back. As much as I've said, "This is the end of the world..." I always realize eventually that is the silliest thing that's ever opped into my mind..."

    Good luck.


What Girls Said 2

  • This is a tormenting situation to be in. After the break-up, he may very well grow up and be inspired to do better. But, you need to approach this with the mindset that it will NOT happen. Otherwise, you'll set yourself up for possible disappointment.

    As far as your question about being a drama queen, just remember to remain calm and understanding when you tell him the news. Avoid using "I" and "You" a lot (like "I'm not happy," or "I don't know what else to do.") Instead, use "We" statements ("We're not happy. We need to go our separate ways. We've both known this for awhile").

    If he tries to get you back and work things out, make it clear that you both don't want the same old relationship. You want to start fresh with what you've both learned.

  • im in a realationship and girl let me tell you no ealtionship is going to be great. but there is a line of how much someone can takeand I think you should kick him to the end if the road and let him go. you need so one to put you first and show you what your worth. I want you to look up this song and it will show you what you worth and what kind of guy you need. (j biebar-one less lonely girl) ok good look and remeber there is always some one else out thier to date that well teat you right and love you more and just cae for you. take care love yaaa <3 xoxo


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