I know this is long, but you're help is GREATLY appreciated...
My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years. It's been a roller coaster.
The beginning was amazing, as most relationships are. And then things just got complicated. I love him with every fiber of my being. And I know that he truly loves me too. But I know we are on different pages at this point.
It has been so exhausting. I feel like I have given so much of myself to this relationship, and sacrificed a great amount. Granted, I do recognize he has as well to some extent. But it's just not enough. I have brought this to his attention before, but to no avail.
That may sound selfish, but we all have wants/needs and we deserve to have them satisfied, we shouldn't have to "make do" or settle.
There has been times where he has said things like "why are we still trying to make this work" or "I'm sure there is someone out there for us that will make us happy" and when he gets mad he'll say "this isn't working" and "if you don't answer [my text/call] I'm done"...
I would NEVER say things like that to him. EVER. At times I have called his bluff, and he would do a 180 with "no babe, we can make this work, we love each other yadda yadda"...
So basically, at this point, so much damage has been done to my moral, self esteem and happiness that I know I need to walk away.
It's soooo sooo hard. But I know it's what we need. And I think that if we are meant to be, then we will when the time is right.
My heart is completely torn in two different directions. But I feel like I have been putting forth all the effort to keep us together, and I am OUT of energy/ideas/ways to make this work.
Part of me hopes that by doing this, he will realize some things, and grow up a bit [as will I I'm sure] and he will come back ready to put forth just as much effort.
So my question is...Is THAT reasonable to expect?
and HOW do I tell him these things without sounding like a drama queen or pushing him so far away that there is no hope for a future?
Most Helpful Guy
Honestly, I don't think its reasonable to expect that.
I DO however think that you are right in choosing to end it.
The thing is, people are continually growing and changing into who they are going to be. This growth slows down once you hit adulthood, but never really stops. However, teens and early 20s experience a lot of growth, which can make relationships very frustrating.
You are in love with the person that he was when you fell in love. It seems that now both of you have been growing in different directions, and both of you are different people now. That's not a bad thing, that's normal.
What sucks is that it is so hard to realize this. Because he still looks, talks, and feels like that person you knew. And therein lies the frustration.
Similar thing happened to me in high school, we just grew in two different directions. And that breakup caused me so much grief and took way to long to pin point what happened.
So don't be like that you know?
Also, its never a good idea to expect people to change for you. They never truly do. They might mirror change, but once things are back to normal, they will slowly change back. That is just how it works.0