Do you ever just get so lonely and grim that nothing can help you. How do you deal with it?

I can't deal with this loneliness, I'm really missing my ex lover, but we parted on bad terms, so I can't contact him. I don't know how to deal with these emotions, I'm having problems in other aspects of life too, but the loneliness is overwhelmingly making it worse.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Try to fall in love with something. You're incapable of falling in love with someone at the moment, but *something* is possible. It could be a hobby, some type of fun class you always wanted to take, it could be falling in love with the company of friends and making some new ones. It can be anything you want, but it can't be him. You have to fill that hole in the heart with something else.

    • everything is boring, all I do is listen to sad music all day and feel paralysed to do anything. I used to have ambitions, enthusiasm. I used to have drive to do things. Now it's all gone.. Maybe I should take antidepressants.

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    • I've been there. This is kind of rock bottom when it comes to emotions. It happened for me when a girl broke up for me when I was kind of at the apex of love -- I didn't have any kind of chance to fall out of love for her before.

      It can take a long time to recover but I found it finally started to happen over the passing seasons. But you have to kind of immerse yourself in that world you find so bizarre, with all kinds of meaningless people besides that one person you loved. It helps to try to engage there, and you kind of have to force yourself, because time won't heal a thing. It's what you do with that time that may start to help.

    • you're so right when you say it's not the time, it's what you do with that time that heals you. I know people who have broken up with their so years ago and they still haven't found a way to move on.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Everyone has been there, or will be there with a bad or very much upsetting breakup that you feel it is the end of the world, and that teaches you a ton of things about yourself, and the relationship type you want. But it is not. You will miss someone so much that you think you're going to die of heartache, but you will not die. And one day the sun will shine and you know you belong with that sunshine; not the constant gloomy weather out there. I know this is cliche, but the only thing is time. Really it heals everything, every wound. Even if it does not totally heal the heartache, it will just mend enough that you will love someone again. Remember, you loved this person whom you had a bad breakup with, who didn't deserve you in some ways, it means you can love the right person more than you loved this one, your heart is big and capable of loving, so dont let yourself down.
    To ease the pain, and let the time pass so quickly that you are fully healed, for example, start working out regularly and set a goal of new weight or better toned body or less fat percentage of your body, or get a hobby, maybe a musical instrument try to set a goal of being able to play your favorite song, maybe simply sudoku, or maybe just some craftsmanship course or dance course. Just to relax, or maybe even mingle with people. Try not to be alone at home looking at social media, or constantly thinking about you and him and why you broke up. Limit your time online and go out to be with people. Try to take long walks or just go shopping whenever you start thinking about what you would have done differently to be with him together, and stop writing scenarios of "what if" this or that happened. Trust me one day you will wake up and you will say oh no he or idea of him does not even hurt me any more. In short, make yourself busy and stay away from social media.
    You're currently not in the mood or condition to be with another boyfriend. Do not try to have rebound relationship or sex. You need to deal with this by yourself. You should be independent. And it is not right for the other person to be used as rebound, eventually you would not want a toy for a guy who wants to forget another woman, right? Be just and fair, do not do it to another guy until you're really ready.
    You may ask how I tell these things, I have been there, and cried my eyes out to sleep every night because I did not wanna look so weak to public and I know how you feel. Just hang in there. If you need more to talk, pm me

    • wow, thanks for your response. you really seem to know what you're talking about. You're right about not getting involved with anyone else. And I would never do that kind of thing to anybody, because that's exactly what my ex did to me. He was trying to move on from his ex and he used me to do that (as well as several other girls as I found out later on) Anyway, he was a piece of shit person and he knew I had never been with anyone before him and he still did that to me. Maybe I'm just being self centred here. But no one has the right to use you in that way. Especially that we were friends for years before anything happened and especially when they know it's your first relationship. Yesterday was a real low point, reading your response really made me feel better, thank you!

    • Nobody is irreplaceable or indispensable. As I said, it is really not the end of the world. Just do not do stupid things like contacting him, or checking his social media like crazy, or asking common friends about him etc. Do not be weak, just keep yourself busy. One day you will really heal. You won't forget. Because there is not point in forgetting someone with all the good things you had experienced together. I know the person hurt you, but you also had happy days. Do not have hatred inside towards him either. This makes it harder to heal. Try to remember good parts whenever you have hateful feelings, or simply just dont think, do some brainless relaxation like going to concert or cloth shopping, or even grocery shopping. Or just go to somewhere like Barnes&Noble and sit read magazines. Yesterday was a low point you say, and yet you got yourself stuck inside and post here. Dont do it, really just stay away from being online. Try to be with your friends, family

    • (continued)... Call your mom and ask for an unnecessary dish recipe if you live away from her. I also suggest you starting a journal. Whenever you feel down just write whatever is on your mind. it will make it easier to flush all your feelings. you can even start a blog if you think writing your emotions like stories is easier for you. you can make a small stories out of them. dont let yourself down. just try to get to know yourself more.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I for us on bettering myself. My spiritual stability, feeding my mind positive stuff. Not social media, keeping my body healthy, keeping a job just to go live and pay for trading school or what ever. A hive goals and ambitions. Now when your horny... Your fucked. Sorry.

    • yeah, horniness is adding to the effect for sure.

    • Well when that happens three things I do. Take cold showers, keep myself busy by reading stuff that partaine to my career, or flirt around. If you think masturbation is an option for you, hey that's between you. But there's genuine guys that'll talk to you when your bored or alone. Shoot I'm alone too. But hey you have some options lady!

    • haha, cold showers. Exercising helps too sometimes. I don't know, self pleasure makes you feel even more empty, especially when it's not really an orgasm that you're craving.. Thanks for your answer.

  • Usually I go shopping.
    I'm a fervent thrift store treasure hunter, and it always dulls the lonlies when I get them. My situation isn't really like yours at all, but thats what I do. It gets me out of the house, and out of my head. Plus cheap band t-shirts.

  • I get on the road and look for my fellow friends on two wheels.
    *proceed to bullshit about bikes for 3 hours*
    Never a lonely day on two wheels.

  • I eat some Cheerios.


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