I miss my ex and I'm in denial... Help?

kuuuuhk
I'm 15 going into 10th grade and I am a shy girl who doesn't open up to many people at all. My ex is 17 going into 12th grade and he has dated A LOT of girls and had sex with 4 different girls. I really loved him because he was handsome, funny, and he actually wanted to be around me, or I should say made it seem that way. He told me he loved me and that I was the first girl he said that to and meant it. But 3 days later he broke up with me. We didn't talk for a week after that and then when that week passed he came up to me in the hallway and said that him and I should talk again. We ended up dating for the 2nd time and he said he loved me and it was a horrible mistake and he shouldn't have done what he did (broke up with me). But I was in love and blind but everything reminds me of him. I really still love him and it's already been 1 month since we last talked. He only held my hand when he wanted money and drugs. But I really cannot accept that fact even though I know it's true. I want to text him again to see if him and I can ever work. I really just wish he could message me this all was a shitty mistake and just a long paragraph telling me he wants me forever. I know I'm only 15 and "there are plenty of fish in the sea" but I don't think I'll find anyone like him. I opened up to him so quick. We hung out almost everyday. I just miss him so much...
I miss my ex and I'm in denial... Help?
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