If you dated your ex for 3.5 years and were engaged and he says he just wants to be alone and he says not to wait for him. I should stop contact?

He kept giving me I don't know answers for a while. Should I just give up on the fact that we ever maybe together in the future? An I in denial? Or are we never getting back together? Do guys rarely want their girlfriends back after they date them for 3.5 years and then dump them just to tell them they want to be alone?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Sometimes a guy needs more time to think about what he wants compared to a girl. Girls are always thinking in terms of a relationships. A guy does not!

    So when it gets to the point of being serious about what's going to happen in the future we may need more time to think about things we generally don't. Girls ask themselves difficult questions about how they feel about a guy and where they see themselves in 3, 5, 10 years or more. They think about if they can deal with changes in someone's personality and whether or not they want to wake up next to a certain person for the rest of their lives.

    I don't know if this is what your fiancée is doing, but that would be my guess. Will he get back with you? Only he can answer that, and that's if you even want him back too!

    Personally, I would think over the past 3+ years, he'd have taken some time to think about this stuff, especially if he's already proposed! For now, if he says he wants to be left alone, do that. I'd give him about 2 weeks and if nothing from him, as hurtful as it is, move on. I'm sorry he's done this to you.

    • We broke up June 11, and we were living together for 8 months... He ignored me a month prior and also said we need to think if we can still be together for the next 40 years. About a month ago. Everyone says he wouldn't have done what he did if he wasn't serious. I'm 28 and I hate the dating world. It scares me. I thought I found a great guy and had wished I'd met him sooner... My family thinks he's not coming back. Everyone liked him. I'm guessing you think I should prob move on just like my family said too? I just wish this would work like the movies where they come back? How do I get myself to get over him and be happy? We used to be really happy and I think he started taking our relationship for granted

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    • Your mother is right, but I don't think she was saying that for you to make him jealous. She was saying that for you to move on with your life. When he sees you with someone else, he's the one who may be kicking himself for losing what may have been the best girl he could ever meet. She wasn't saying g you should go back with him, once you are happy with a different guy.

      I have a lot of German heritage in me too. I totally understand stubborn! All too well! Hehehe... with that in you too, I definitely know you're going to come out of this well. It's not fun at this point, but life will get better.

    • Thanks, that was very helpful. I'm grateful for your responses. It means a lot... I gotta get over and move on...

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What Girls Said 3

  • I would say so, you two no longer want the same thing, its pointless to haves someone like that in your life. Who knows in the future you may cross paths but for now I would say worry about you and get yourself busy. Sometimes people just need to work on themselves.

  • What is the reason for the breakup?

    When my ex of 3 years broke up with me it was because he didn't know what he wanted to do career wise and didn't feel ready for a serious relationship. He also told me to not wait for him. But we were broken up about 4 months. During that time, I didn't wait for him. I was seeing other guys. But my ex never broke contact. We were still in touch and still talking and hanging out. Eventually he was the one that told me he wanted to be together. And we are now.

    So in conclusion, don't give up, depending on his reason. You guys had a really serious past and that's not something that's so easy to get over.

    • We were engaged but he has initiated contact and doesn't want to hang out. We were together for 3.5 years and we were supposed to be married in September. Your situation is different. It's only been 3 weeks. He says he wants to be alone. If you were me would you give up? I be been so depressed about the whole thing... I can't even find any other guys attractive bc of it.

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    • Thanks... I mean he still answers my calls but when I asked him if he thought I had any chances of getting back together with him he said he didn't think there was any chance...

    • He has made no effort to call me and rejects my requests to get dinner or do anything. He also ignored me a month prior to breaking up and became extremely busy with remodeling his house before we broke up. Kept telling me he wanted to be alone and be by himself

  • I hate to say this but when I realized I wasn't in love with my ex husband, I decided to get a divorce. My reasoning? "I just want to be alone". I did end up telling him also that I loved him but wasn't IN love (which is true) but my major "reasoning" to him was I wanted to be alone. That's not exactly true though. I just want something different.

    • I think maybe we used to be in love and maybe he just realized we weren't anymore. Do you think once you find out you are not "in love" anymore, you won't ever be able to find it or get back together? I guess it's a rarity if it happens...

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    • I'm 28. He once made the comment that he knew I'd never cheat on him bc in too shy and don't talk to people... So I guess he's not worried I'm going to move on too fast. Or he doesn't care either way... Bc he broke up with me. I'm 28 and pretty successful and I don't think I'm ugly... I just wish I was more outgoing

    • I wish I knew the answer to that because I'm dealing with my own heartbreak now regarding someone else (hope that's not Karma). I really don't think I was EVER IN love with him. I was in my 30s and kinda lonely. The guy I dated before him was an ass and I think he was just there, available & a nice guy. I don't regret marrying him and having our daughter but all the same-7 years into it I realized I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him so we separated for a couple years and then I initiated the divorce. He was really bummed but imagine if I had stayed and was that unhappy... it would've been disastrous.

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