Can someone please help me? Read my story and advice me. In desperate need?

I am a 23 years old girl and the trends in my past 4-5 relationships remain same.

The trend in each relationship is:

A guy will take interest in me, ask me out etc. We communicate and he seems head over heels in love. Saying ‘I love you’ within 3 to 4 days of contact, followed by ‘I just want to have you’ n ‘my future wife’ etc. I always feel the things are going too fast and the guy comes on TOO STRONG. They would text and call me constantly. They would stay awake for whole night and send me poems (even when I am sleeping).

Their intensity is too much, they start treating me like their princess and etc.

HOWEVER, when I start to get attached. I feel a change in behavior. The guy would stop initiating contact or sending first messages, be busier for me. They still act sweet and interested but their actions seem different. It’s not like that they completely change, but I notice pulling back on their part.

This is when I have usually already got emotional for them. The sudden lack of first messages and calls hurt me so much, that I start fighting. And usually within 3 days, I decide to break things off and block them completely from every possible PLATFORM. Even though they try to act interested and say that they are still committed and don’t want to lose me etc. The drop in frequency of text and calls is enough for me to block them. And I don’t tolerate for more than 3-5 days.

So my typical relationship is

First3 days = A guy shows interest.

First 2 to 3 weeks = The guy is head over heels, madly in love. Commits too soon, takes things too fast etc

After 3 weeks = Sudden drop in frequency of texts and calls, too busy

After that, 1 week = Fights and my tears. I get hurt and finally leave forever.

To Note: I am very pretty and make strong first impressions

This has been a trend in my past few relationships. What am I doing wrong? Those guys were insecure and unstable. Can someone analyze the problem and ways to improve my relationships? I feel so alone


Most Helpful Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Girl, it is not you!! This happens a lot. My theory is that guys are interested a lot off the bat and then their brains catch up and they freak themselves out or get to know a girl better and realized that maybe they don't have a huge connection with them after all. Girls tend to be more timid at first and once a guy has "wooed" them enough and they feel like they can let their guard down and go for it and this is exactly when the guy realizes he isn't that into it. Also, I think guys can sense when they "got" the girl and the chase is over. Either we become more clingy and text them more, or we are paying more attention to every little thing they do but once guys realize this then they really start thinking, "Uh oh, is this really what I want now that I got it?" I have started playing it as cool as I can for as long as I can. Even when you think you "got" them you still have to play it really cool because they still need a chase and to be kept on their toes. Maybe when they "back" off it isn't for lack of interest, it is just that no one can go on like that forever! They have to work and live life too and maybe they just get more comfortable and trying to move past that stage. Basically I am not sure why it happens, these are my guesses but I do know that it happens ALL the time and it is not just you!


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What Guys Said 4

  • It is typical for a guy (anyone actually) to drop the level of intensity in a new relationship after the first little while. This drop continues until things get on an even keel. To expect that level of intensity to continue is unreasonable, and creates an internal conflict that leads to the end of the relationship. People have lives outside of the life the two of you have, there is work, family, and other responsibilities.

  • it's happening with every one nowadays... majority of people comes in to relationship and starts enjoying spending quality time with each other... this is all about attraction... dnt come too fast in to relationship... become friend n then try to understand about his behaviour...

  • So they come on strong, dont feel you're responding as such then tone it down and you mistake this as losing interest. It seems you're just not on the same timeline as the guys you're dating.

    • But I do reply them normally. Not too strong, but I show interest and make commitments.

    • Show All
    • What do you mean 'measured affection' like different from these guys who seem crazy?

    • Indeed, like they match your interest level or hover slightly below it, these guys assume nothing and only respond to your actions.

      - if you give them 5, they will give you a 4 or 5
      - if you up it to a 7, they will match your 7

  • It sounds like you just need to slow things down. This will filter out all the guys that just want quick sex.
    Go on some real face to face dates with a guy but not more than 2 in a week. Dont get too involved with texting. People say all sorts of bullshit through texting. A phone call or 2 in a week is also fine but anymore than that is weird. Basically you should only communicate enough that he doesn't think youve cut him off between face to face dates.
    When you find a guy that really wants you, he will wait for things to develop and he will have the balls to announce his love for you while face to face.


What Girls Said 2

  • Sex seems to be a culprit. Guys say sweet things when they are in lust then when they get use to you being around he loses intrest. While you have given a part of yourself to him and are falling harder epically since he says he loves you

  • I don't have great advice, but this happened to me. I was so hurt and confused. And I'm talking to another guy who is coming on really strong, and I'm freaked out that it will happen again. Maybe don't go out with guys that come on so strong at first? Or tell them to cool it?


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