I feel awful. Just broke no contact and got no reply?

Boyfriend of 5 years has completely cut me off and won't speak to me. I haven't done anything wrong he just says he lost his feelings and went weird on me. I was giving him space so trying to stick to 30 days no contact. On about day 18 and still got nothing. I just text him saying i hope you are OK and told him a shop has opened near us as it would help his dad basically. Got no reply. Now I feel worse! I gave in as everyone Said I should try and now i just feel worse. Arghhh. Well at least now I know it's definitely over.


Most Helpful Guy

  • 5 years is a long time. You shouldn't feel ashamed of yourself for needing time to adjust. People deal with these things in different ways. You can forgive yourself for your 'moment of weakness'. I'm sure your ex has been ruminating this in his mind for quite some time before breaking it off, so has had time to get used to the idea. If the 30 days thing was your idea that length of time seems arbitrary. Maybe it was your way of processing the thing, so you wouldn't have to accept that it is over? Is there anything else to discuss with him, really? Maybe it is time to accept it. But don't feel bad about feeling awful and going through huge emotional swings. It's a huge deal. 5 years has been a vast period of your life.

    • Yeah. Well tbh it was more of an out the blue thing. We was looking at buying a house and he was all confused about his feelings following a job issue and it was just strange as he just went into his man cave and didn't come out again. So I thought i would let the dust settle and that he would cheer up following the redundancy news not being him. Very long story.
      Thanks tho. Just feel crap now xx

Most Helpful Girl

  • Sometimes a person's lack of response tells you everything you need to know. Their silence let's you know exactly where you stand. It's as good as an answer as their words

    Although it's painful, at least now the waiting is over, and you can start to work at moving on from him

    • I guess so. The whole process is a shock to me really.
      I can't do anymore I have tried everything and it's time for me to get used to it I guess.

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    • Yeah that's what I mean. Ignoring you by not responding is worse than if he did say harsh words to you. At the moment you don't know what he's thinking or what he's feeling. I hope you find closure

    • Thanks. It's all very strange. I never thought I'd be in this situation to be honest, God knows what is going through his head and maybe he just isn't saying. Xx

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What Guys Said 3

  • He's cut you off suddenly after five years, for no reason? That's bizarre, but if he's going through a tough time emotionally for some reason, hopefully he'll get through it in time.

    Have you any idea what's wrong? Last year, I had a nasty nerve injury, and the medication to control the resulting pain had some very weird effects on feelings - if it's anything like that, I can understand what he's going through, and the effect on you too.

    • Yeah. Said he lost his feelings when he was up for redundancy at work. We was looking at buying a house and even put an offer down. I was fine to pull out the house though as it clearly wasn't the right time. Just said he lost his feelings and couldn't explain why. We broke up and he ignored me for two weeks. I went round there to try and talk he wouldn't look at me without watering eyes and stuff. Was awful. He said he was happy but he looked a mess. He didn't get made redundant someone else did but he will be away for work even more. I said if I wanna be with him then it's up to me to get used to. He said it's not tho and it didn't mean anything as he literally felt nothing.
      I said I'd leave him alone and let me know if he wants to chat so I tried to go no contact. Lasted nearly 20 days but gave in as people said he might be worried to reach out now. So thought I would and not mention It u know? Got nothing though 😔 xx

  • You haven't lost much. Any guy who says he "lost his feelings" after 5 years never had any to begin with.

    • Maybe. 😔 xx

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    • I think you have to be realistic about the number of people in "traveling" jobs who are unfaithful. It's*very* high, probably over 90%. In some way, he may be acting to protect you.

    • He isn't that type of guy at all. If anything the job is making him gain more weight as he is constantly eating out and his confidence is going downwards, now obviously he is pushing me away too. Or should I say pushed.
      Sex and stuff is important but I would say since his travel has increased this year all the passion has gone, he always seems to be tired and feels rubbish about weight and asthma and stuff, I have felt him being generally distant this year for sure, but he hasn't really been here and when he is just seems to be feeling down about himself. I do believe the job has changed him a lot and now he will be away more he will get more lonely and it will just get worse. X

  • 5 years is a long time to someone just cut you off so suddenly. You probably had many fights or whatever and he got tired... just a guess.

    • We didn't really fight and he even said that last time I saw him lol

    • Well there has to be something.
      Sex life? Or something that bothers him

    • More details on other comments. He is away for work a lot and will be away a lot more as his job is slightly changing due to a redundancy,. Same job just increased travel. He has been away a lot this year and so we aren't spending as much time together as we used to... Literally less than half the time we used to see eachother. The business at work recently and now the confirmation he will be away a lot more going forward I think he just thinks it's for the best as he just kept saying it means he doesn't have to worry about anyone and can just watch DVDs and stuff, it's a shame as I can't see why he can't have both. I have my own career and friends etc so I don't consider myself needy, I think it's just a case of thinking it won't work in the long run. I did say to him it is my choice to put up with if I want to be with him but he said it impacts us both. It might be he struggles to go away for work more than he admits to.

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