If you cheat on your partner should you always confess?

I'm in a 10 year relationship with a guy and its never been better. Having said that we've had our ups and downs. I've cheated on him in the past and never told.

I did it safely and got checked at the ST clinic just to be doubly sure that I hadn't laid him open to any nasties. At the time I felt awful knowing that I had cheated now its almost like it happened to someone else.

But is honesty the best policy - I can't see any point in rocking the boat over something that happened 3 years ago and meant absolutely nothing anyway.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • honestly you should have told him right off the bat. but it is too late now. its wrong what you did. but if you feel that this is going to bother you then you probably should say something. I've always hated cheaters. once a cheater always a cheater. but everyone is different. what you should do depends how the well being of the relationship and if it will mentally f*** with you in the future. make sure your guilty conscience won't kick in about it. then it will just become a lot worse for both you. good luck. and think about what you are doing. you might get away with it, but it could come back and bite you in the ass. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just very straight forward.

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What Guys Said 4

  • (scenario 1) Lets just say he found out some how not from you. First off he's thinking how long and often this happens, so he probably won't trust you. If he confronts you its not going to be nice cause in his eyes your untrustworthy so anything you say probably can't change his mind about you. So theirs no trust because you weren't faithful to him so most likely he will leave. Maybe if he found out from you and felt you were sorry and sincere he will be able to deal with his emotions better and stay.

    (scenario 2) Lets say he cheats on you and you find out. Would you still trust him? How much would you care since you cheated too? Would you give him a pass since you cheated or would you feel like him in scenario 1? Lets say you forgive him wouldn't you worry he would do it again.

    Most people won't stay in relationship in scenario 1 especially if the were faithful. What makes it bad is you guys were in such a long term relationship, so the person going to question everything from the begin. Scenario 2 if you stay it will because of guilt. When you cheat on someone and they find out they will have a trust and insecurity issues. When they find out from you on the other hand it softens the ego blows and they can deal with the issues better if they choose to stay.

    As far as should you tell at this stage in the games depends on a lot. If your 1001% sure he will never find out then live with the guilt and take it too your grave. But if this is something that can come back and bite you in the ass and you love him and you think this is Mr. Right, you should probably tell him and pray for the best. Cause if HE finds out he probably won't stick around.

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  • If you cheat on your partner you should end your relationship and take some time to figure out why you are so selfish to those that love you before being in a relationship again.

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  • Doesnt need to know, he will most likely end the relationship over it, or it willl give him free card to cheat. If you are happy with the relationship no need to wreck it over something that is over, if you find out he has cheated would that make a difference to your relatinship, you are still together that's all that matters...

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  • If there is a chance he could find out from someone else or any other way, tell him. It will be better if he hears it from you then someone else.

    If there is no chance he will ever find out and you can live with yourself then don't tell him. I know I'll get flamed for saying that but honestly once you tell him he will never trust you again and it may end your relationship right then and there.

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What Girls Said 1

  • You should've told him right away. Do you think you should get a pat on the back because you cheated on him but did it with a condom and then got checked for an STD?! You're just as disrespectful and trashy as someone who cheats on their boyfriend/husband for years with multiple men. You made a conscious decision to cheat, no on made you do it. You knew it was wrong and you did it anyway and feel bad about it and get checked after doesn't make you a better person for it. You should've broken up with him then or told him right away so he could decide if he wanted to be with someone who wasn't going to be faithful to him. Just because you were at a bad point in your relationship doesn't mean it's OK for you to run out and have sex with someone else, that's not what you do to people you love, you work through it.

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