I don't know what to do... will he realise eventually?

My boyfriend and I of 5 years broke up unexpectedly you could say due to a mix of work pressures/commitment issues I think so he started doubting his feelings and got all confused. He said he felt nothing and was hoping to snap out of it (sign of depression?), wouldn't look at me without crying. Just wanted to be alone and with his Play Station. I have tried speaking to him on and off, been just over a month now and no success. He is away a lot for work and says it will only increase now as someone got made redundant.

Part of me is getting used it now but I would like to rekindle and fix it if possible as we had a bright future ahead. I was so upset when all this kicked off -I still am. I want to show him support in case it is depression/stress/anxiety, but at the same time if it is not then I need to get "the hint".

I saw some pictures of him from a few weeks ago on his company's FB page. He hasn't been shaving and looked pretty miserable - body language shows a lot - hunched over, my mum didn't think he looked the same and like he has seriously let himself go. Them photos were a few weeks ago now. I did try to reach out at the weekend just gone for the first time in 3 weeks and got no reply.

I know it is time to move on but after seeing them pictures and the claim work makes him happy etc and it's all he wants I feel like he is pushing me away due to general pressure/commitment issues (we were viewing houses before he found out he might get made redundant). The work issues around him being away constantly feels like an excuse. I have this gut feeling something isn't right and isn't a case of him just not wanting to be with me anymore. I am not in denial... he just kept saying he didn't know.

Does anyone think he might realise or not? Our 5 year anniversary is supposed to be tomorrow which is heart breaking, I am not sure if he will realise or not.

He always thinks people will walk away from him, lots of insecurities.


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What Guys Said 3

  • 1. If he is broken (depressed,) you can't fix him.

    2. I suffer from depression but even in my worst moments, I always remember that my partner is the most important part of my life and I never forget to treat her like a priority. A depressive episode may have created the opportunity for hi to abandon you, but depression was not the cause of the abandonment.

    3. Don't you want a partner who does not make you pause and wonder how important you are i their life?

    4. Understand that having a problem in your relationship is not like having a problem with the automobile. You can't just put your relationship in the shop for a day and have everything fixed. Problems in the relationship don't automatically mean that there is something wrong with him or something wrong with you. You may have simply come to the point in your journey where it becomes obvious that you two are not meant for each other.

    5. You are missing him horribly, I know, so you are focusing on all the good times and all the promise that you had, but you should avoid romanticizing the relationship. You had some problems that you never dealt with, annoyances and aggravations. Kt will be painful, but be realistic with yourself about the relationship.

    Good luck!

    • 1. Not sure if he is or not, that's the problem. I have never known him to suffer with it. However, I have never known him to have any pressure either.
      2. He might not be able to deal with his emotions.
      3. Obviously I do. We've had a rocky year, normally we get on a lot better than this year. He hasn't been around much due to business travel so it's something we've been getting used to. We did both hope (he said it) that it was just a spell of being away a lot rather than perm, but then due to the redundancy he will be away a lot now and suddenly its the best thing since sliced bread. By business travel, its only around the UK.
      4. I understand relationships take work. It's not me walking away... we haven't broken up before and prior to the redundancy news we were happy. It's like he has lost sight of that.

    • 5. Yeah I know. It was very sudden though, you just have to trust me on how sudden it actually was.

  • Depends how you feel for him now. It seems that both of you still care about each other on some level, even if it's not like it was.
    You could always just be friends for now. You could support him where you can but mostly let him recover by himself, and maybe one day it'll go back to how it was.
    And if not, you could still just remain friends

    • Yeah. Well he won't speak to me at the mo so nothing I can do!

  • Please leave him alone...

    • I am lol

    • Never contact him again. Just GTFO of his life

    • I haven't done anything wrong?

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