How do you let go of the past?

Alright, it's been a little over a year since my ex-fiance and I broke up.

He was flirting with other girls behind my back and as far as I know he wanted to break up with me,
sleep with other women and then get back together with me.

I'm told that he got furious when I didn't go back to him. (we were together for 9 years)

And now I don't talk to him, he is manipulative and knows how to throw me around emotionally.

He was emotionally abusive and I didn't realize that until 6 months after we broke up, and I'm still realizing that actually.

I am over him, I don't want him back, I don't want him in my life in any way.

But... now I don't trust men, I don't want to be in a relationship because this might happen again.
But I also get lonely and I wish I had someone who would love me for who I am etc..

And yet, just the thought of it terrifies me, because this might happen again.

how do I get over this? How do I forgive the past? How do I let go?

Any tips would be great :/


Most Helpful Guy

  • Here's one of many videos on being happy and letting go:
    If you want more just click his channel and you'll find A LOT on the topic. Basically, to let go of the feelings you're experiencing, just fully surrender to that feeling and observe it without judging it. Let that feeling be and focus on it fully. And just let it run it's course, it may disappear in a few seconds, it may take a few minutes but the fear you're experiencing will be gone eventually
    Also, don't be too hard on yourself, everyone makes mistakes. Learn from them.

    • Thank you! I used to think that maybe I did something wrong. . That because of my illness it lead him and me to this place. . (I have fibromylagia, a type of arthritis)
      But I think it's all his fault now, he could've ended the relationship instead of pursuing other women.
      I think I'll watch more of those videos, thank you again!

Most Helpful Girl

  • only time heals it ı ws also cheated on n even ı thought that it will hurt my heart forever now ı dont even think about it... so just time.. it may take a bit long though

    • But how do you learn to trust again?

    • I also had trust issues before dating because of what ı see around me. Now ı think that yes it can happen again but there is nothing to do. I will just break up if this kind of things happen and if the person ı am dating knows that, he won't cheat ( supposing he loves me ) because he will know that ı won't forgive him

    • I needed to read that! Thank you!

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Trick is to be manipulative back. But just fulfill your dreams. Go university meet and date many different people , trust me no rush just have fun :) ! Check mine

  • as you learned to have that person in your life, you must now learn to not have them in your life. its a process and for some it takes longer than others. You just take it day by day. also introspection helps out a lot.

  • I was also in a relationship for several years which ended due to similar reasons, also over her and moved on. However I do have trust issues and believe I might have had them even from before. Point is, you have to give yourself a chance.

    Currently there is a very special woman in my life who knows this, I have been fully open with her and found she is someone I can trust. She has been patient, honest and open with me. Just be honest with others, if they can't be with you then its their loss, not yours.

    • I need to open up I think, when the time comes. You are right. Perhaps I'm just no there yet.

  • just stop the grudges you're holding


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