Is this a guy's way of breaking up without actually saying it?

I have been dating a guy for about 5 months. He is in his 40's, I'm in my 30s. We had a couple rocky weeks in that time frame where he just shut me right out of his life. Would not talk to me at all. He finally said he was very busy with work, etc that it was his fault and to please back off him a little. He said he didn't really know what he wanted right now;. He loves to constantly say...I will call you at this time but doesn't. Today I called him like normal just to see what was going on...and he talked for a couple minutes and says I am doing laundry, I will call you as soon as I get upstairs. Once again...no call. This isn't the first time. These past 2 weeks have been absolutely terrible with him. He doesn't want to talk at all. He says he needs time to get his life in order. He is going on a 2 week business trip and says that when he gets back things will be back to normal where he calls me quite frequently, etc.

Things got rocky between us because before he told me that if he did not call within 2 days of when he says he would, then I would know that it is over. So he didn't call for 4 days and when he did call, I reminded him of that. He cannot say for sure that he wants it over, but told me to leave it at that.

Is he saying that it is over and he just can't come right out and say it? For some reason he is holding on.


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What Girls Said 2

  • Time for a gut-check.

    What does your gut tell you?

    I think you already know that it's over. If flakes out on you constantly, chances are that he really doesn't know what he wants or he's already found someone else. Either way, he just doesn't know how to tell you and is just hoping that if he stops calling you, you'll just get the message.

    What kind of a man tells you that if "he did not call within 2 days of when he says he would, then I would know that it is over"?

    A coward. That's who.

    The fact that he doesn't have to balls to tell you to your face that it's over indicates a serious lack of respect for you. Not only that, he clearly doesn't respect your time in that he thinks it's okay to leave you wondering about the status of your relationship for days on end.

    Plus, you have no idea of knowing what he is really doing when he's not with you. He clearly isn't telling you the truth right now, so why would he fess up and admit that he's cheating on you with someone else.

    Do yourself a favor and lose this guy's number. You deserve a man that will respect you enough to be completely up front with you. A man who will put you first and who will never leave you hanging.

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  • I somewhat agree with the first female answerer...you'd think it gets easier as we get older, or there is at least less of this bullsh*t.

    The best thing for you to do for yourself is to just go by his "non-action". He may be confused, have mixed emotions but probing him for answers isn't always going to make things more clear.

    If he asks you to back off, then that's what you gotta do. Do whatever you have to do (healthy choices) to re-focus on yourself. While he "needs his time", do something for you. Treat yourself to a massage, facial, whatever...exercise more, rent funny movies, go out with your friends, read a new book...seriously, focusing on yourself is the best thing you could do...for you.

    Let's say he does "come back"...it's up to you to have a conversation with him re: his need to shut you out. He can either "man up" or take the less honorable way out. In the end, ask yourself if you even want to be with a guy who can't have open conversations within a relationship.

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