Could you forgive someone after they have been in treatment?

This is more of a hypothetical question, and IM not looking for direct advice, but rather what you would do personally.

I have an ex boyfriend who is an alcoholic and in his past used many many drugs. He could be very nice, but be very harsh and mean. He could be standoffish, say rude things, only comes around or talks to you when its convenient, and ultimately is a selfish person. I haven't talked to him in months.

Now say that he comes back, and admits that he has been dong the 12-steps and going to AA and/or NA and has gotten sober. And part of his recovery is to apologize to those he has hurt. In addition, he knows I am a supportive person and a caring person and wants to rekindle a friendship and wants my support.

None of this has happened and probably ever will happen. However, I find it an interesting and tricky subject, one which many of us may face.

What would you do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hmmmmmm...I think everyone desrves a second chance. If he's messed up a few times with you, but his behavior was mainly the result of his alochol abuse and he is trying to sober up...I would lend support by being a friend. Tell him you forgive him, but it will take time for you to trust him. Trust takes tim eto build and form. Often in aa groups they do tell you to apologize to the ones you've hurt, but that doesn't mean the person has to forgive you. I am a clinical psychologist and have been exposed to a few indivduals who have had to try to fix relationships, some that can and some that can't. I WOULD strongly suggest you to give him a shot, but if he messes up (which will most likely happen) because recovery is full of relapse with Alocholics and subtsnce abuse indivdauls. I would still give him a chance and if it fails well at least you did what felt right to you at that time and you tried.

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    • At least in my situation with him, his lack of trust and messups weren't because of alcohol and substance abuse necessarily. However, I do think that he is still in the addict mentality and alcoholic mentality where he doesn't know how any of his actions affect people, he's selfish, and knows how to manipulate. Instead of asking for what he wants, he manipulates you to get it and refuses to admit it or talk about it once he's been found out.

      Likelyhood of recovery is slim, just a scenario really.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • I would say yes but keep my distance and if there was a sign of Re-laps I would leave them

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  • If he is trying to get things back in order be helpful and hope he does its hard to do it alone...

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What Girls Said 2

  • there, I see no reason to accept friendship, but then, I am a person who takes people until they show they are not trustable. I think, if he seems sincere, I would at least let him try to make amends.

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  • we might be able to be distant acquaintances so I would forgive him, but things would never be the same as it was before.

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