Advice needed! How to end a friend's with benefits agreement?

I've been friend's with benefits with my male friend for years. I have dated other men. He hasn't actively dated anyone. He expressed earlier this year not wanting a relationship but remaining faithful to me (my sex?). I was cool with that then.

All of our school mutuals are dating, marrying, having children. I can't get older just being his f-buddy. Just recently he started to introduce me to his other friends/coworkers and do non sexual activities. I was surprised to see his friends already knew about me and welcomed me warmly.

Although I enjoy his company both in and out of bed I am under the impression that once men make a decision not to date you that's final. How do I let him know we are done and I need to mature into a serious relationship with someone... else?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ok... so you said **earlier this year** he was hating on the idea of a relationship... but **just recently** he "started to introduce [you] to his other friends/coworkers and do non sexual activities."

    Which one came first?

    I'm under the impression that "earlier this year" came before "just recently". In other words... he's softening his own stance on being in an actual relationship -- and perhaps even WANTS one, with YOU -- but doesn't feel comfortable actually expressing that idea.
    I mean... if this was just sex, then it's unlikely he'd want to suddenly start going out and doing other stuff with you. And he DEFINITELY wouldn't have filled his friends and (especially) coworkers (!) in on it, if it were just sex.

    In any case -- just tell him what you're thinking. The whole point of having fuck-buddies is that there are supposedly no emotions involved -- so, therefore, no one should be hurt when it ENDS, either.
    Just explain exactly what you told us here. If it really *is* just sex to him -- which, again, I doubt -- then he won't really react. And if it's started to turn into something more, then, it will be good to get that all out in the open.

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    • Back in March I tried to call it quits and he got pissy and basically said without me asking him that he liked my personality, our intimacy, and respected me but didn't want a relationship.. that he wanted to continue drama free because from his experience girls get complicated. YET he asks me to continue what we had because he doesn't want anyone else. To give him what I thought he wanted after sex I would immediately leave even though sometimes he wanted me to stay. Come July.. August... he's inviting me to go places every weekend or day off. He's introducing me to his friends and coworkers who already know a lot of personal things about me. We are sharing information with each other.. his mother's death etc. I would want to date him. Totally! But he's a commitment phobe!

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    • And in an absolute worst case scenario -- you'll have to just stand yr ground, that you either want a relationship or nothing, at this point.
      BUT... DON'T do it in a way that's needlessly confrontational, and DON'T do it in a way that's overly dramatic. Just do it in a way that's *sexy*.

      Get dolled up, look yr absolute best and absolute most seductive, get him to the point of starting something, and then look him dead in the eyes and say "I need to know... are you in, or are you out?" [put yr hand behind his neck and draw his face in close to yours] "Because I need ALL of you."

      And then, if he still can't say yes... just walk away. And look DAMN good walking away. And absolutely don't even turn around and look back. Make him FEEL what he just threw away.

    • Tx for the MH luv <3

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • "Hi, Fuckboy, I'm sorry but I can't keep going with our current arrangement. I need something more in my life and this isn't fulfilling my needs. Sorry"

    Why does everything have to be complicated? Christ on Friday.

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  • Would you want to date him?

    Let me put it this way a guy isn't going to tell all his friends about you and then say he is loyal to you in a friends with benefits relationship if he doesn't some sort of romantic feelings for you. I think this guy does. If he doesn't end it.

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    • I would want to date him. I just don't know if he is on the same page.

  • Simply state it as it is. No need to dance around the bush.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Just honestly say the same thing. But I bet he'll have a change of heart.

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  • Ghost him

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  • Just tell him upright

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