Still struggling with memories of a long time ex?

Anonymous
There are plenty of SAP sob stories on GAG about break ups. I hate to add to the pile but I got my own.

It's been over 2 years since I broke up with my last serious ex. Long story short is that I lost physical interest in her while we were dating, but I loved her as a person. I couldn't bring myself to dump her, so I drove her in to dumping me. In a twisted altruistic sense I wanted to make it easier for her to break up with me. I've only spoken to her once since we split. It was a phone call about 6 months ago. It was like talking to a robot, she didn't say much nor ask me any questions (I asked her if I could call prior via text message and she said "sure"). I have sent her sporadic texts (one every 2-3 months) and she rarely returned them.

Fast forward two years. I have started a new career, doubled my salary, slept with around 10 more girls (not proud of that.. but it was "healing" of some sort), about to become a homeowner and am now casually dating a very young pretty girl. On the surface my life is kicking ass however deep down I still yearn deeply for the friendship, laughs and emotional intimacy I had with my ex. I completely accepted her decision but I miss her tremendously as a friend. I am guilty of STILL stalking her Facebook/twitter accounts (not friends with her... but I do look at her public pics). I know damn well it will only bring pain, but it's like trying to kick a heroin habit.

Some of my closest friends knew about my earlier struggles. However I was careful to keep the problems to myself. At this point I'm too embarrassed with myself to admit I'm still thinking of her and checking up on her social media.

Why am I struggling with this so much? I know I sound like a creep. I feel like I will never get past this. Oddly I felt like talking to her helped me realize she is just another person. Ironically makes it easier for me to want to move on. However when she doesn't talk to me I get this "phantom" stuck in my head.

Still struggling with memories of a long time ex?
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