Should I divorce him?

My husband called me an ugly fuck today. All because his dad put on a bbq but I had to put my son down for his nap just at around serving time. He thinks I did this on purpose or that I should be at the bbq and keep my son awake, knowing full well he will cry and cling to me because he's tired. Surely it should be me who's upset about missing the meal? He's ignored me all day, because this morning he wanted to go to his dad's house with our son even though last week we agreed we wouldn't take him there until the baby gate arrived - the house is half built and lots of open stairwells etc. Because I reminded him of this he kicked off and now I'm sat in whilst my son is sleeping feeling incredibly bullied and unsupported. It's been like this since I fell pregnant. And at times I've wished nothing more but to leave him. But I worry about my son. And what I would do to be honest, being a single mum. I've tried talking to him but it's useless. He's sorry one day then abusive the next. We used to have a lot of chemistry but now we can't stand each other. Today's the first time he said anything about what I look like, normally it's about who I am.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Life is too short to be so stressed by abuse with it making you feel like you are a cat on a hot tin roof.

    You need to decide what you really feel for him

    If you still love him and want to be with him, you need to sit down with him and be open and honest, laying it all on the table. In the process of suggesting this to his reaction if he agrees to it use his reaction as a way to see where you really sit. If he is resistant or shows no willingness to listen then you know there is no future and it is time to go. Not just for you but for your babies as well.

    if he is welcoming and shows a willingness to listen and change then make plans to get through together. Make a promise to yourself to real fight to save the marriage and tough it through. Also, look to go to counselling to have a third party mediate between you two and find some resolution

    Good luck to you

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Most Helpful Girl

  • UGH! You're husband seriously doesn't get it does he?

    When kids are on a schedule, they are on a schedule! And most likely it's going to be YOU that has to deal with the crying baby who is grumpy for missing his nap. I don't think he is thinking this through.

    Young children NEED their sleep. If they don't get it, then they are going to be miserable. You are not rude for putting him into bed at the serving time. He is being rude for being mad at you for taking care of your son.

    Maybe his dad should have had the BBQ earlier or later so that you would be able to eat with everyone else.

    I honestly don't get people like your husband. Why can he not be caring and supportive towards his family? I'm sorry but kids do not follow his plan for how things should be. Kids basically do what they do. But I agree with you, your child needed their nap!

    This is definitely an abusive situation. He's making it all your fault, when in fact it's just how things are. If he wanted kids, he has to realize that kids need naps. Kids are not going to be well-behaved all the time. Sure sometimes kids won't go down for their nap, but you are just trying to do what is best for your child.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I strongly recommend couples counseling. That usually helps partners understand the feelings an motivations of he other. And he definitely needs to learn and to adjust. If he won't go, or if it does not work with him, then it is time to consider giving him the boot.

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  • Don't get a divorce please. He is only stressed about other things maybe money for the house of his father or something.
    Don't feel sad instead support him and give him a warm hug and he will be happy to be with you

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What Girls Said 6

  • Your child is your top priority and he should understand that. I would try to work it out for the sake of your son. Maybe try couples counseling. But if that doesn't work it is not work staying around and feeling like shit because your husband overreacts to minor things

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  • Make sure he know you don't like statements like that your son learns form him how to treat women and from you how women want to be treated. If he still calls you names around your children then the question is this what I want my children to learn.

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  • "He's sorry one day then abusive the next."

    Yes, that's how abusers operate. Most people are not going to be with someone who is shitty ALL the time but when they're only shitty part of the time it makes you think they aren't really abusive and that maybe it will get better or that it's normal to have such shitty parts occasionally.

    You should leave. At the very least do it for your son. How do think he'll be if he grows up seeing such abuse regularly? Will he think it's normal and act the same? Do you want him to become like that?

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  • I would never tolerate a man talking to me like that

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  • If it's going on since your pregnancy I think you should leave him, I know being a single parent will be hard financially and all that but do you not think it would do more damage if you stayed with him? He's being emotionally abusive, that's not right for a child to grow up and see. For him to say those things because your kid was needing a nap is not on and you're right to disagree to not let the kid go where there is no safety gates. If he's having mood swings and saying those things, is he really sorry?

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  • Get him some therapy

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