How do I move on?

So, I've made the decision to try and get over this guy. He's been a total douche to me, but because he's my best friend and because I love him, I've put up with it, making excuses, crossing boundaries, blah blah blah.
My biggest excuse so far has been "He never officially put a title on it, so it's not like I can break up with him, and it wouldn't be fair to him to stop being a good friend because of my complicated feelings."
Well, it's been about a week. I haven't talked to him and he hasn't been interested in starting a conversation with me so I'm assuming that even our "friendship" isn't worth a rats ass to him. But I still can't stop thinking about him. I miss him like crazy and the only solution I can think of is a distraction.
But I don't know if that would be fair. To the other guy/girl. Because I'm pretty damn positive that if he ever got his head out of his ass, I wouldn't be able to say no (to whatever he was asking for, sex, a relationship, yada yada), and even if he didn't, I would waste half of my brainwaves wishing he would, and/or comparing and looking for him in those other people.
Soooo... What do I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree with @chlodawg For her age of 15 and new G@G membership she has spoken a lot of wisdom.
    You are now like the moth attracted to the flame. . . the very thing that's unhealthy for you. Life is to short to wait for him to undo his cephalorectal impaction (head up his ass). So move on and live your life, girl.

    • As a nurse and English professors daughter, I can appreciate your rhetorical jargon. And thanks. I'll try.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You find a new hobby or interest or spend more time with your friends. You move on until your through the grieving period of relationships (this applies to friendship too) until you are numb on the topic. He won't be able to make you upset again. Then you just stay away.

    If he truly was a good friend and your best friend he wouldn't of treated you a certain way in the first place. Suggesting you were just an object to fill things for him until he found something to entertain himself. If his entertainment with someone else ends he'll likely be back at your door making you feel bad for not dealing with him. When he's the one that should feel bad for his behavior and treatment of you.

    If he comes back he'll just do the same old crap again and again. Unless you loose him as your choice for self preservation because he's driving you nuts or until you're numb enough you can hold him at a distance and deal with his childish behavior better. Once your numb he can't make you fall in love with him and once you've moved on to other people he can't mess with your relationships without being clear to everyone that he's manipulative and maybe not mentally well. He may even try that he's going to counselling. But I've seen people make a joke of that. They go for looks but were never really serious they just knew how to try to fake you out and play your emotions. After a short bit of time they'll go back to their usual behavior. Only time they may stop is when they realize you won't be their doormat anymore.

    I had someone behave like what you describe. I thought they valued me but one time they even went so far as to say "Yea I miss you now that the other person is gone." Not while they were with them did they miss our friendship. Real friends feel friendship all the time not just when it's convenient. That guy got me pregnant because he was afraid of losing me he said. But he was screwing with my birth control and did it on purpose. What he really wanted was to sleep with my boyfriend while mocking me with the other woman he was sleeping with and spending all h is time with. That "Friend" is now out of my life, I'm numb to him and remembering the crap he did only reminds me of how he was never really my friend. Friends don't do those things to you and I don't want him back in my life. If he tries to use our son to force it. It won't change a thing. I don't want him or his crazy behavior back and faking being serious about getting counselling didn't help.

    • He wasn't so much at fault for trying to manipulate me. I think his behavior towards me was just a cowardice way of trying to push me away, because he didn't have the balls to just come out and say that he didn't want to be my friend. That I freaked him out with my total devotion to him, and that he felt guilty because he didn't feel the same but was still enjoying the benefits (i. e. Financial, sexual, etc.).
      To blame him for me coming back over and over would be irresponsible of me. I am the one who continued to throw myself after him, begging him to forgive me and accept me back into his life when he blocked me. Showering him with gifts because I was trying to buy his tolerance. Not love. I knew I couldn't buy that. But I prolonged it longer than I should. If there was mental illness involved it was mine- separation anxiety, codependency, obsession.
      I'm not a healthy person. I'm trying to get better, but I'm only starting to realize that this is part of the process.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Live your life and try to distract yourself this is the only proper way to move on.

  • If he's a douche why is he even just your friend. You shouldn't just stop at not wanting to be with him but also not be his friend. You are the company you keep. So remember that when you think that the company you keep is a douche.


What Girls Said 1

  • Honestly you need time isolating yourself from him. it will take a while and it will hurt but a distraction is only going to be temporary. you need to block him on every social media you have, you can not text him at all. after a while of not seeing or hearing anything from him you will begin to wonder why you ever liked him. I promise.

    • The thing is, I have. It's been months at times, but every time he finds a way to talk (i. e. New phone, texting apps, whatever) I always come running back.

    • Show All
    • Still makes me feel like shit. Like I said, we at least USED to be best friends. He used to tell me everything. Now we barely talk at all and I feel like that's my fault somehow. He's changed so much since his mom went to jail, since his dad married his stepmom, since his sister graduated high school. It's a big fucked up situation and I get why he's changed. I feel like I'm abandoning him sometimes even though he's making it clear that right now I'm not what he wants- platonically, not even romantically. I don't want to leave him alone when/if he ever wakes up out of this. Or maybe I guess I'm just scared that he's gonna stay like this forever. 😔

    • I completely relate to how you're feeling. there was this guy I liked a lot and at one point he did like me but for whatever reason he stopped talking to me. I kept thinking it was something I did, and that it was my fault but do NOT think it is your fault. it sucks, but people change. and sometimes they never go back to the way they were. I had to completely remove him from my life to ever get over him. In your case, since he has gone through a lot, I would text him or dm him and honestly ask him how he feels about you. his answer will determine everything. I did this and you know what he said to me? he said "I've just been busy with homework" when clearly he was avoiding me. that's when I knew he was a total douche and not worth it at all. I promise you will get through this.

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