Is it reasonable for your boyfriend to ask you to stop talking to all guys (that are not family) and focus on getting to know him?

I chat with males and females (via text or facebook messenger) about hobbies- video games, anime, tv shows, etc- in non-flirtatious manner. He wants me to cut out all the guys I chat with, or he is going to leave me. Is it worth it? I feel like as long as I'm not flirting, meeting up with, or having any sexual contact whatsoever- I'm not doing anything wrong. I talk to my boyfriend more frequently than anyone that I chat with, and definitely hit him up first about all the major/minor happenings in my life. He says the only reason for me to continue talking to these guys is for sex, if not now, maybe later down the road if we have a falling out in the relationships. So there just sex partners in waiting? Instead of agreeing to his terms, I tried to negotiate: no flirting, meeting up with guys, and no sexual contact with anyone. That was not enough for him. I care for my boyfriend. We been together for a little over a year. I would never cheat. I do not want him to leave me, but I do not like this ultimatum. I lose either way. My boyfriend or half my platonic friendships- which should go and why?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • He sounds like a really insecure fool!! You need to find a guy that TRUSTS and RESPECTS YOU!! Dump this insecure idiot!!
    If it was reversed, and my girlfriend was saying the same to me, it wouldn't be a second thought!! SHE'S GONE!!
    Who is HE to TELL you who you can and cannot talk to? That's just wrong!!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • He sounds like he is insecure and bit controlling. That could become a serious problem later on down the road, what's next? Him telling you when and when you can't go out? What you can an can not wear? I would talk with him again and let him no you love him but if that type of behavior continues then you give him an ultimatum. You either chill out or leave... take your pick.

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    • Thank you eveeyone. upon reading all responses on here, I gather his request isn't reasonable. It felt really unfair, and I did not know what to make of it at first. I told him I was going to think on it. Im going to talk to him one last time about it, and if the ultimatum still stands ill let him walk away.

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What Guys Said 11

  • Yea for the age group this guy sounds like trouble and not the fun kind.

    Hell I didn't start getting self conscious and jealous until I was about 36 and there were reasons for that change.

    You really don't want to invest much time in someone that is going to start out with trust issues and that wants to control you. Makes for a very shitty life.

    Just my.02

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  • It's fine to establish boundaries in a relationship, nothing wrong with that and he is not wrong to establish boundaries in the relationship but to expect you to stop talking to all guys is unreasonable. I am not sure if he has been hurt before but even then it looks like he has very little to no trust in you and that is not a good sign at all.

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  • This is called controlling behavior. I would think, he either accepts you as you are or not at all.

    "He wants me to cut out all the guys I chat with, or he is going to leave me. Is it worth it?" Worth it to have him leave you? YES! You have multiple friends that YOU chose. Who is to tell you who you can talk to and when?

    I think mutual agreement about setting limits on who you see while you're dating is OK, but him making an ultimatum to you? Fine. If a girl told me that, she's gone! Agreeing to be open about seeing and reading texts, OK. What he's doing is over the top, and excessive.

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  • i think you can speak to whomever you want about whatever you want. you should make him give something up he loves too so you can both make eachother happy.

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  • Ffff nooo too controlling ejeft eject eject! Why close off your social circle because he's insecure?

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  • You say you've been dating him for a year and this just started. What changed?

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    • I don't think he trusted me from beginning. I thought it would change over time since he says his last girlfriend cheated. We had a fight because apparently I check out other guys in public, and I told him I was unaware of this and im going to look at people and pay attention to my surroundings. Then we dropped issue. I don't know my social media suddenly became a big focus for him.

    • I think you should break it off.
      You have incompatible lifestyles.

      I wish you both the best of luck.

  • He needs to chill

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  • No! No one should have that power over someone else. Id be careful of that possessive behavior. It will only get worse.

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  • if you expect him to wife you up one day.

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  • I'll tell ya, the guys you do talk to, probably want to do everything u said u won't do. Your boyfriend knows that and that's why he doesn't want u doing it. Do you let him talk to other girls, especially pretty ones?

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    • He has friends, married and unmarried, that he goes couponing with. I met some of them. He has 2000+ Facebook friends, many of them are woman he says he never met. I would never ask anyone to give up friends for me, unless I thought it was inappropriate. By inappropriate, I mean flirting, calling in middle of night during non emergency, etc.

    • So I mean to say yes I let him talk to whoever he wants.

    • I find that hard to believe

  • He should trust you , with out trust there is no relationship

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What Girls Said 11

  • My boyfriend is sitting right next to me and I went ahead and read this to him. This was his response, "Well, for me it is, if you really care about your boyfriend, you could agree with his terms. But would you really want to change yourself for this guy? Because if he's asking you to stop talking to guys, maybe he's hiding something. So, think your options through, if you really wanna stop talking to these guys to make your boyfriend happy, then do it. Do you really wanna sever all of your friendships over this one guy? I mean, this one guy could change or be cheating on you as we speak. Maybe he's preparing for the worst in the relationship which could be why he's making you sever all these friendships. Overall, the best things for you to do is get all of the information; whether to sever all of these friendships or to leave the guy that could potentially leave you alone and by yourself after losing all of those friendships." Now my side; "You can't change everything about you for one guy, so if he starts asking you to change other stuff, it might be time to cut the ties. He could be hiding something. Maybe he's telling you to stop talking to those guys because he's feeling guilty about talking to other girls and doing other things with them. But I could be wrong. This is your choice. Make the decision that is right for you. Don't listen to everything everyone else says. Choose for yourself. No one else can tell you about yourself. Only you know what is best for you.

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  • Girl, you have the freedom to speak to whoever you damn want. And you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, and you are respectful.

    Like everyone has said, he sounds extremely insecure and controlling which is a form of emotional abuse. This will only increase and manifest in many other ways as the relationship progresses. Trust me, I've been there. I know it's hard because you care for him deeply, but if he doesn't trust you, then you need to reassess your options.

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  • That isn't the kind of man I could be in a relationship with. He obviously can't have platonic friends and assumes you can't either, but that's his problem and will continue to be a problem in his other relationships.

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  • It makes me really uneasy that he wants you to stop talking to all guys. Considering y'all have been dating for a little over a year, there should be a lot of established trust. Depending on how he acts about other things, he could be extremely insecure, or it could a red flag to a really controlling relationship.

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  • That's just a big red flag right there.
    He sounds controlling and insecure as f***.

    A guy should not come and tell me who I am allowed to talk with or not.

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  • He sounds controlling if you give in now next he will demand you stop talking to his family. Get out this relationship and find someone else. There are many good guys out there. You don't need him.

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  • Yeah he needs to not be insecure.

    Do not do this, this guy is a tool.

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  • Not for me, no. If my partner told me that, I'd tell him to fuck right off.

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  • Nope. Insecure and controlling. Run like the wind away from people like this.

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  • It's not worth it esp if you knew those guy friends before him... why now after a year he wants you to do this?

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  • That is way too controlling and not acceptable.

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