At what point do you decide that staying in a marriage is worse than an ugly divorce.
-you already know the husband will be nasty by past events
-you have exhausted all efforts in reaching him
-you both are not making any progress, it's becoming more of you just giving up
-kids are the most important, what is best for them as they will all remember this event in their lives.
-if you stay you have the opportunity to stay home with your kids which they seem to really need at this point in their lives.
-if you go, you will be raising them alone more than likely, while working full time, and attending school full time.
Most Helpful Guy
I've been there, done that, got the tshirt. I've always hated divorce - I mean absolutely hated it. When it happened to me, I couldn't believe my wife would do that to us. But... she did. And I still hate divorce.
That being said, I also realize in every relationship, it takes two to row the boat. There will always be times when only one of you can row. Someone's sick so the other has to do extra work. One is going to school, and the other needs to make up for the slack and deal with less attention. That stuff happens.
But when it's a case where the other person is not doing anything to foster the marriage, even after repeated attempts to get them to participate, eventually you've got to wonder, what's the point?
One other thing I do know... I never got married to be miserable OR to make someone else miserable! I've since remarried. This one has had far more ups and downs than 1.0, but we're still hanging in there. It seems were both still trying, and this one's lasted longer than the first. It's always difficult when kids are involved. As long as they know they're not being abandoned, they can handle the rough parts too. Always be there for them. Let them know they can ask any questions. Be honest. You don't necessarily have to go into details, but don't leave them in the dark either.
You have a hard decision to make. The fact you're considering it, means things are pretty bad anyway. If he's uninvolved, even after months of trying, there may be no other path to choose. In a way, he's choosing it for you.1
Most Helpful Girl
If you don't mind, I'll use my friend as an example. My friend was in a similar situation minus the kids bit. She was a die hard believer to her core in marriage for life. She even had this week long session with her husband prior to marriage where she made sure they talked about everything good, bad, and ugly and put everything on the table so there would be no secrets, and still things lasted for about 5 years before they started to crumble.
She fought tooth and nail for them to stay together and I constantly encouraged her as her friend to not give up on him or their issues and to keep fighting because marriage isn't easy and it isn't always rosy, but it was another 2 years and nothing had changed between the two of them and she told me she dreaded coming home each night and that every day, even her good ones were mired in stress and anxiety over what would be the next fight, and the next.
I asked her quite simply if she had anything else left to give? Is there anything you haven't tried, a counselor, a trusted friend, a retreat, a separation... anything... and her answer was no. I don't even think she realized it, that she really had given it everything she could and then some.
So I'd ask you the same. Have you, and by virtue, your husband given each other every possibility and chance and done everything you could really and truly to stay together. Is there nothing really left to come home to in regards to your relationship. Could you care less if they left for a while and didn't come back? Are you only staying together for the sake of the kids with no plans to help or love each other. You have to decide that...1
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