Why can't we control our own feelings towards someone who can never be ours?

Inspired by another question: Why do girls keep guys that they are romantically in love with as really close friends?
question link: https://www.girlsaskguys.com/break-up-divorce/q2089703-why-do-girls-keep-guys-that-they-are-romantically-in-love-with-as#new

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  • because we feelings are stupid

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What Girls Said 16

  • I can only speak for myself. For instance, I'm lactose intolerant but I still eat cheese when I really want to. Now why would I do that when it gives me crippling stomach cramps the next day? Well I'm like that with men too, I eat and that which is bad for me and just live with the pain, so why would people be any different.

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    • why would people be any different? they are no different.

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    • It's not necessarily wanting to die, it's just being ok with it if I was to happen.

  • We can in fact control our emotions. Feelings will be feelings. And what you feel may not always be what you think or believe it is. It's all about having self control and being disciplined in those areas of your life. You can't force people to be attracted to you of they don't want to. Sure, they may see the outer and inner appearance of a person. But that doesn't mean that they have to react to them, or even go to you just because they're attracted to you. There were plenty of guys I can say we're attractive to me. That doesn't mean I have to go talk to them unless I want to. But If I talk them, it's to be polite and friendly. Nothing more and nothing less. That is just the simple reality.

    In general, yes. You CAN control your own feelings towards someone whom you can never be with. But people just don't really want to because we as society has been taught to rely on feelings and not so much use your head. However by doing so, your just adding more pain and making your own self suffer because of wants and not needs. Just because you want to be with somebody it doesn't mean they are right for you.

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  • I think it because of our mentality telling us that w3 can't do it. So our action is affected by that.

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  • Because we haven't learn that the most beautiful person is ourselves.

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  • I mean finding someone attractive I can admit can't be controlled however when it comes to having feelings for someone that doesn't feel the same way or is taken controlling your feelings can and has been dome many many times... Some better than others.

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  • Sometimes things seem better if you cannot have it.

    And seeing someone from afar might make them look more attractive than they might end up being in reality.

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  • i think that we can't control our feeling towards someone who never can be ours because we stilll have hope that one day we will have them. Sometimes is bc we are too blind to see that we can't have them. We somehow need that person in our life to make things better, we relied on them. If you don't talk to them is feels like a odd day or weeks but it's all because they make us feel good about us. In the onther way he or she will aalways be our guy bestfriend or girl bestfriend

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  • Because its impossible to control feelings. Maybe not for everyone but I know that I might be able to hide them or ignore them but I will never be able to control them. That would be too easy if they were controllable

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  • It's because of hormones/chemistry/pheromones, one or all of the above. You see, it all starts with primal attraction- whether it's the guy from the grocery store or the girl from the beach- you like what you see. Actually, your brain is basically almost always searching for a compatible mate- unless you already have one (but even when you do have an SO, your brain never stops searching for a potential mate, because more potential mates= strong, diverse offspring). It basically takes your genes in count and looks at them like a puzzle piece, to see which other gene pool would be compatible with yours.
    Your brain doesn't care whether that person can or can't be yours, it just tells you that you NEED to mate with this person and that's why you can't shake them off. Basically, your brain is simply programmed to tell you to have sex because sex leads to offspring and offspring leads to your biological goal= passing on your genes.
    And that's pretty much it.

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  • I guess on a subconscious level the thing that we know is not and will never be ours becomes more attractive to us.. same is the case with people.

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  • What you talking about boooy?๐Ÿ˜•๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜Ž I can I have done it a few times

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  • IIdk. It's annoying isn't it? I wish I could control my feelings but I don;t have that power.

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  • Insecurities

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  • We do. We control our emotions.

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  • I have no idea.
    I've done the same thing sometimes

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  • well my dear, it's very hard, but we can have self control, I truly love this boy (not in a lust/sexual way) and I'm afraid we are never going to see each other again after high school, I get the feeling he likes me too but the timing is all wrong, and I don't think I will ever feel this way about about another guy ever

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What Guys Said 2

  • yes you can, you can just accept that they are never going to be yours and move on.

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  • because we want the things we can not have... so simple !!!

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