Girl just wants to be friends after about a month of dating?

Hi all,

I met this girl who lives next door. She is finishing law school and has a doctorate in physics ( total nerd and awkward)... and I am a University Prof. I am 37 and she will be 28. Went on probably 5-6 dates in a span of 5 weeks (e. g. restaurants, walks in parks, touring the city, movies, etc.). Always kissed, always hugged, she did not come up for intimate nights though.

many random signs suggested to us there was a reason we met (e. g. living next door, our grad degrees, ambitions, our love for food, traveling, the way we dress, her mom and I have same birthday, and most recently 3 days ago, she told me we shared the same parking number but in different buildings. We observed all of these together)

3 days ago we went to dinner + movie.
During dinner I teased her about her girlfriends and how I would like to meet them. ( I hope she did not interpret it is me being a jiggalo). I then brought up a conversation about hopefully jobs are not lost if a university prof and student date and get intimate ( and I was teasing here and that I am sure this does not apply to us)
--Went to the movie, made out, drove her home. She leaves for vacation with her mom the next day and would be back in 2 weeks.

Got an email when she landed at her vacation telling me she arrived. Then she drops the bomb in the middle of the email saying that

"... I thought about our conversation at dinner. You are a wonderful person and I've really enjoyed our conversations, as well as going out with you this past month, but I think that going forward we should be just friends. I know that an eligible bachelor such as yourself will easily find the right match!
Anyways, I hope you have a good week next week, and please feel free to stay in touch. :-) "

I am totally shocked.


Most Helpful Guy

  • First of dating a student as long as it is not your student should cause no problems. Second; Either there is no sexual attraction or she is stepping back in order to look out for you. Even hinting to someone that YOU might be better off without them or that their presence in your life may become a problem is a highly volatile action.

    Check the rules. Tell her what they are. If you still want to see her let her know that you do. If she still says no... Well.. Being persistent is charming to a point. But only to a point.


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What Guys Said 3

  • As hard it may seem to you, don't respond to her email. There's very little you can do to turn the tide in your favour but to maintain military silence towards her henceforth.

    She expects you to reply and to keep in touch because she knows you would due to the feelings you have for her. By not responding you're not only "unfriendzoning" her offer, but acting disinterested but recovering from any hurtful feelings.

  • That's the whole point of dating, isn't it? You spend some time with someone and the relationship continues by mutual consent. She's a thoughtful young woman and has concluded that you aren't it for her.

  • She's not worthy of you. I'd say, "Oh very. Have a nice life. Sorry I bothered you",
    Then turn around and walk away and never, ever speak to her again Friendzone my left asshole !


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