I think I'm going crazy with pain over my divorce?

mistyartof
My husband and I have our divorce scheduled for next week. Until now, I have been the one crying, begging him to stay, promising to change. I have rejected dating other guys, and I cry everyday because I will pretty much lose the person I love most in this life. Although he is still living with me, soon he will go back to his home country (we're from different nationalities) and I'm sure I will be dead to him. To make things worse, I always suffered with low self esteem, and one of my biggest fears is being replaced. I came to know that he went to a music festival by himself for a week and now speaks to SEVERAL girls about our problems. More: they do not even KNOW we are married. They think I'm his girlfriend.. and why the fuck are they asking him how is our relationship? If they are not in a romantic relationship as my husband guarantees, why do they care? I confronted him with this and he yelled at me saying the reason we were going to divorce is because I am unstable, pushing him away, that I don't know how to "enjoy life" and that like many others, I can't stand seeing other people happier than me.

I gave everything to this man. My love, my bed, my body, my future. Everything is dead. And yes, it annoys me that he is happy, because how can someone be happy over a divorce with someone they were supposed to love for 4 years? It is sick! He is already planning more trips abroad with these girls, planning where he will live next and speaking about it with his mother like he's choosing a new pair of socks. It hurts me how quickly he got rid of me and how 90% of my dreams just shattered, and I will once again be replaced by someone more spontaneous, more beautiful, or more adventurous. For instance, I loved traveling but now I hate anything related to it because he met all these girls in couchsurfing websites as "travel buddies" and is now texting them that he misses them. Please HELP I cannot think I can live another day or breathe properly... I feel like I will go insane!
I think I'm going crazy with pain over my divorce?
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