I really can't get over my ex and somehow his excuses still lingers the back of my mind?

I was dating this guy last year until March of this year, it all began how I met him at his job since he was a gun instructor. During our times together, my mom had offered to let him move in until she changes her mind cause supposedly she and her husband felt conviction due to their faith but I was allowed to sleepover his place when it's his days off according to his roommates who were married and have children. Long story short, I had an argument about him to my mom who gave me nervous breakdown where his sister had picked me up at home and I stood in her place while he was at work, ended up in a hotel that his pastors paid for and I ended up with anxiety where I said a few suicide things through text to him and the cops came, checked up on me but no marks whatsoever but took me to a mental house for 48 hours. After I was discharged, I was no longer allowed to sleepover his place or have any house keys from home. He was dealing with bankruptcy, having to be homeless because his roommates were planning to move out and during our birthday month in February after the end of that month, We last saw each other and I never heard from him since March where it was over. He calls me drunk and says he's hurt, he wants me but says he is not the person that I deserve which was in April and May my grandfather was on his death bed where my ex curses me out on the phone while I'm trying to fix my relationship but at the same time trying to have him be there for me. In June, his sis says he left me cause of my mom but he tells me it's not me, but it's really him... Last month... July, he threatens to scare me if I ever was to contact him that he was gonna put a restraint against me and I don't know why. I miss him, sadly but at the same time scared to contact him although I had contacted his sis recently but she never answered. I don't know what to do, he had used one of my photos that I took of him as his Facebook default which he never did until last month, honestly, I'm hurt
I really can't get over my ex and somehow his excuses still lingers the back of my mind?
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