i dunno to me... it seems he is confused. because we did talk about marriage. kids. buying a home together. unless it was all talk? or he just said it to explore his options n will realize there is no better than me. but it sucks that we r not friends.
One thing you learn in life men are simple beings- trust him when he says you aren't wife material.. it is harsh but you will thank him later.. you can do better than be spoken to like that.. he shut you out his life all you have to do is keep the door shut..
true. but how can one just shut the door after being with someone so much
it's not easy.. it is a long road... are u still lookin at ur phone to see if he has messaged you ect? If so I suggest you change ur number it helps to get out that loop and that down feeling when he doesn't text.. because he can't text you anymore if he don't have ur new number and never give him it. so you'll feel slightly better... join up to a dating app.. not for going on dates but to give urself an ego boost... ull have guys fawning over you telling you you're beautiful and gorgeous etc that helps a dented ego.. take up dance class.. dancin makes you feel good about yourself and gets you nice and fit and last but not least buy a big pad of paper and write downeverything you would like to say to him but never will.. it will start off sad then by middle of pad it will contain anger then by end of pad acceptance it's over and ur ready to meet new people.. it's hard but u can and will do it
wow great advice. thanks. but i will do all that. i just m thinking of meeting him. face to face talk it out as adults n not act like kids oh im not talking to u bc ur mean. i think we act like that because of fear
Never Want a man who rejected you.. it's to soon to meet up with him... u need time to heel and be brave to look him in the eye with no tears in them and say straight to him look you hurt me and I've moved on.. I don't think uoull ever do that though.. ur to nice and u will do better and find a better match for u.. it's the good thing about being dumped.. Right now ur to vulnerable and if he was to meet u he'd only take advantage of u and go back to ignoring u... he broke ur heart and u will always feel that pang.. but it does fade in time and does get easier.. improve urself and keep all options open don't jump into a relationship at the moment though.. just heal for how long it takes.. but try the writing therapy a million letters never to be sent it helped me a lot for weeks I scribbled down until I just stopped one day
well thats brutual to make a girl a right now by giving her the perks n making her think they will last n it does not. it is falsehood. why do that. not clingy. i was keeping a count of our relationship.. when its a happy moment why not keep good memories.
true. but how could he all of a sudden say that. i mean we talked about marriage. he said he likes me. we r great team. and then total reverse?
I know this is tough to hear but most break ups are like that. Majority of people get dumped without thinking it will happen. It's all built up emotions from the dumper and usually they were conflicted with it for quite some time.This does not reflect on YOU as a person. It reflects on him not being your match.
It is for the better to not be friends. For you and him.
why is that?
Because it's illogical to ever hope to move on if you stay friends with a ex. It also prevents them from feeling like they lost you and doesn't give them any chance of missing you and seeing you are independent and don't need them.
ok so ur saying lets say go 30 days without seeing him. or talking n then initiate contact.. someone just said mayb my ex said all that to get into my pants. i dunno i was thinking of going to the place he teaches to talk to him since he won't respond to my call or text.
Go NC till he reaches out to you!He left you... now you want to contact him but he has no interest in contacting you. That is not how it should be.
what is nc? but i was hoping face to face would give me closure n just b friends.
I just said why it's almost 98% fail to try to be friends with ex's. There is valid reasons behind it. Obviously most people want to be friends with ex's but those people more than often can't and end up more hurt. Any break up or healing guide will tell you to move by not staying friends with a ex. It's a lose lose situation.NC is no contact.
oh thank u for explaning. i agree. i got to heal. i just want to b friends. not necessary hang out. just b friends. when im. ovet him. then mayb coffee
he is confused. from what i know he changes his mind a lot on a lot of things. no it was not that. he said he would not marry. how do guys know who is marriage material and who is not? he did tell me he was scared of marriage but said he wants to one day.. i dunno if its me. but we did talk about marriage.. kids.. home n all of a sudden im not marriage. when i asked him about that he said he should not have and was thinking it through..
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i thought he left BC he was scared of marriage. He did tell me he was a bit nervous about it though one day he wants too. He does change his mind a lot. i just want friendship and hope that when i meet him and talk things out as mature adults.
If that's the case then he could have hope out due to be scared of marriage.. that's an even more serious form of commitment. Has he made any contact with you lately
im thinking that. but he did tell me im not going to marry u nor include me in your future plans. its weird bc we did talk about marriage.. he did say will u b my babies mama when we r married.. talked about buying a house... i think he is like a girl who goes shopping buys all the clothes she likes n then does not know what to wear.
Yeah he's done.. when a man says he's not going to marry you or include you in his future plans.. believe him. Don't wait for him to change his mind or try to change it for him for him... don't waist your time on a man who doesn't want you when you can find a man who does. he realized he don't want to get married right now and he doesn't want it to be with you. Sometimes guys will say things out of pressure or just to agree, go with the flow of things even though they don't feel that. I know it hurtful that I'm saying this but it's best to move on. When God closes a door in your life don't try to pry it open again.. go to the next door.. if it's meant to be then it will be, if not then you gotta move on.
true. but i thought he was the one. i can't sleep. i can't focus. im always thinking y he left.. i know i hv to move on for my better self. im hoping he does come back though. i never pressured him to say it. i just asked n he would tell me yes lets get married then n there.
It hurts.. cry, eat ice cream, watch some dumb cheesy romantic movies about women getting broken but slowly put their lives together, go out with friends and just have fun with the girls. Then afterwards.. heal.
well i did go out with people. been on few dates. still not the same. still hurting. i dunno im hung on him. loosing sleep. barely eating... its crazy. i thought guys love when a girl is into them so much...
Guys do.. when they are into the girl as well. I don't recommend dating while still hung up on your ex, you just need time to yourself. You can't give your heart to someone when it's still be held by your ex. I was a mess when a ex of mine broke up with me in high school, I cried a lot and didn't eat much either. I didn't even care about my appearance and I always use to fix my hair and makeup. But I assure you it gets better to deal with over time.
If you need to just cry.. cry until you can't cry any more.. it will release all the hurt your holding in.. makes you feel some what better.
i dunno. we did talk about marriage. he told me how many kids he wanted. we were ready to buy a house together. i dunno mayb he felt i was too into. the relationship and he was not. or i complained about how he stood me up etc...
Sometimes it's best to let people go to give them space to think. Maybe in time he'll realise he made a mistake and come back. If he's confused then put distance between you both. It's painful not knowing where you stand with someone.
true. but i want to meet n just b friends. if need be. i was thinking of going to the place he teaches n talk to him. sort things out. just b friends. since he won't respond to my calls or text. sigh. im confused.
Then do what you need to do. Try to talk to him. Even if he doesn't want a friendship, knowing where you stand may give you closure.
but people r saying since he is not replying to ur calls or text means he does not want u now...
Personally , I wouldn't contact him, but you have to do what you feel you need to do. I need to know where I stand with someone , and their lack of response is as good an answer as their words. It lets you know exactly where you stand. . So I'd just let it be. Confronting him could cause you more pain. It may not bring you closure
ok true. he did extend friendship but i was angry n i apologized for my behaviour in my voicemail. friendship is good
Then try to settle for a friendship with him. Reach out to him if you feel you need to then if he shuns you , just move on from him
ur right. after face to face. there is no hope if he shuts me out. at least i was mature and adult.. just b friends. not necessary to hang out yet so i can heal n have a peace of mind.
Exactly. Good luck
You're welcome 🌹
:) all smile.
seems like it. as he blocked me.
Yeah. Sorry, but it's really over. Stay strong :)
ok. would u consider that i should talk to him face to face to at least b friends. so he will see how cool im. he won't reply to my text or call. any tips or suggestions. hanging out with friends now is not the same.
You can't really force someone to see how cool you are - that sort of automatically makes you uncool (and panicked),You'll have to let him be - then, if there was a thing that still binds you, pick it up from there, gently - otherwise you can wait for him to see you in a different light, but that takes time (and there's nothing to say it's definitively worth it...)
ok good points. i agree but i think he is not seeing the big pic bc he won't respond to my texts or calls.. its been a month now. i angrily denied his friendship i realized i did it out heart broken but with time i realized i was wrong n left him a message. i miss the things we did just want friendship...
You sound a bit controlling and wanting to have things your way - get your anger in check, and then if you approach him nicely he probably won't mind it (if you can actually keep that anger in check)
yes in time i realized i was wrong but he is acting weird. i did apologize. the least common courtesy is he could have responded to the text if not call. im not controlling. yes i was angry just as anyone would b when they get dumped bc they invested so much in their partner..
Ithink you and a lot more women need to understand a man will say ANYTHING to get inside your pants. They will tell you they love you - talk about marriage - talk about making babies with you - ANYTHING to get inside your pants.
i guess thats a possibility.. but not all men r that way..
Find me a straight man thats not that way!
its not always about sex though
I must be on a different planet from you other women on here cause every straight man I know wants to talk his way into my pants.
are u serious. but it should n9t always be sex. i kmow my guy friends are settled and happy.
Lesson Number 2 - Single men after ploughing their g/f's "field" for a while get tired of having to plough the same field over and over and and start to look around for a new patch of fertile field into which the can plough their seeds of love and devotion. So if you b/f has left you its not he dont like you he just tired ploughing you and has gone looking for pastures new.
Lesson 3- When women look at guys they see future boy friends - lovers - husbands. When men look at women they see walking sex toys.
well he d8d say i knew what he liked n appreciated it.. so why lv...
he said he just didn't feel im. his wife material. mayb because i said he stood me up n it seemed he was taking things lightly. i did initiate contact but blocked me and won't answer my calls?
He's being an asswipe. Just ignore him. He doesn't sound like someone who respects you unless you did something to piss him off, and now he just wants nothing to do with you. Don't go chasing any man. Leave him be, and find someone better.
but after two months he realized im not his type?
i dunno.. mayb it was the fact that i felt i put my heart into it n he didn't bc he would cancel etc.. and i called him on it. 7 times i was stood up. he does have good qualities. but barely texted me.
Honestly? I think he was going with the flow. I dont think he was ever that into you at all.
he told me he was seeing where this was going... giving it a shot
Yeah. He wasn't really that into you. He probably felt like he was doing you a favor or something. This is terrible for a relationship. You're better off without him
why dont guys just b honest and not play games. why won't he be my friend?
Men are not honest because women do not want a man. They want a confident, charming, funny and prefferably rich guy. They want what they like about men, not anything else. Any sign of weakness? They may pretend they didn't see it. Signs of weakness for a while (maybe a month or so)? The guy usually gets cheated on from my experience.Men won't be friends with you because that's not what we want. Do we like our female friends? Yeah. But the only men who have extensive female friends are the ones who were put in the "friend" category, precisely what we hate. Besides, you're his ex. An ex that becomes your friend is like a dragon having you on a leash. You're gonna burn sooner or later, but its happening.
ok so he does not like me? didn't mean lead to 20 months? im just trying to understand why not be upfront... but all. my friends say im awesome n i would make a great partner.. why talk to me about marriage n ask me to b mother of his kids.. show me the home we would buy...
im so lost... do i go to his place where he normally is n ask whats the deal? he won't respond to my calls or text? does he need space :(
Sometimes men stay in a relationship just for that purpose. A relationship. Not because of feelings or anything. A lot of women are doing that too. Its horrible, but its the truth. People are slowly losing any expectation of getting actual love and they're living and building lies around them to comfort them.
Im sorry, but its clear to me he doesn't want you around at all. You may nurture feelings for him, but its over. You gotta find a way to accept that.
i dont get it though.. how can someone end something after being with someone for 20 months. he said he felt he could b him. no need to try hard. he said he felt meeting me was great.. to the day.. he said he wanted to. meet me 80 percent. i dunmo i get the feeling he made a mistake n walked away from a good person.
Hey, I ain't saying you were the problem, only that he was never that into you. He may have been, but it seems clear he doesn't want to spend any more time with you. I know its hurting, but you gotta read this and take it into heart. Whatever are his reasons, he ain't coming back. You should focus on feeling good, not on why he left you
i know u mean well. im just trying to understand. people say he will never find a girl. like me and he too said the same thing the talk much? i am just thinking maybe he bored of me but they say time makes things clearer... so he will realize in time or absence makes the heart grow fonder...
its hard to let it go. esp when u have been through so much with a person.
i dunno. he said he was scared of marriage when he ended it but we did talk about marriage. kids. buying home. i dunno if it was me asking where he is.. just out of concern. plus he felt he did not want to share these things. i want to b friends with him
he might of have just lost interest. Either way pursuing him isn't going to make him come back. I can relate to what you are going through. My last serious girlfriend dumped me (although I wanted her too) because she thought I wasn't into her enough. It's true I kept space between us. I also lost physical interest with her and she always did the initiating. She was a very good person so I couldn't bring myself to dumping her. I actually drove her into losing interest in me as a mercy.Sadly she completely cut off communication with me and wanted no friendship, nothing. It's been over two years now and I still miss her occasionally (as a friend). I'm also in a relationship with someone else. Bottom line is you can't control how other people are going to think and act. It's best to go on your own way.
wow i was in the same boat as your x. i too loved my ex n always thought this was it. the fact he ended bc he said he had nothing for me n didn't see me in his future. weird. bc we did talk about our future at times.
He dumped you and you still want to talk to him then he is in position of power right now. Remember that the person who is less interested is going to have more bargaining power. It's human nature, it sucks but it's how it is. I can tell that you want to talk him badly again (I can relate). It's going to be tough but you need to withdrawal and let him come back. Guys handle break ups differently than women do. Initially we are relieved (I was), we then start to turn to distractions (other women, booze, entertainment, work) etc and then reality hits us hard about 3 to 6 weeks later. This delayed reaction is due to the point that we don't get leeway to act emotional about breaks lest we labeled effeminent. Give him some time. Don't text/call. Defriend him from FB. I know thats easier said then done but it's what you need to do to increase your chances of him talking to you again.
I don't think it matters what people say. You will keep coming back to the "he's confused" thing, and any other excuse. He's a grown man. He knows his own mind.You're going to be waiting around for a long time for something that might never happen, and you won't get that wasted time back However you guys feel, do not put your life on hold.
Roflmao well he shouldn't lead you on and give false hope... smh thats the # thing you gotta have in a relationship and if he filled your head with all that jazz then just dropped you like nothing and said he you wernt wife material thats a slap in the face complete lack of decency you can't trust me... maybe its better he showed his true colors now then later... maybe as much as it hurts its a set up in faiths plan to find you a killer amazing man everything you could ever hope for want... but point being you can shit in one hand and shit in the other both sides will fill up equally fast but one side of this situation will stink more... id choose the lesser of 2 evils and make a break for it girl.. I PROMISE YOU the right one is out there no use wasting effort time and love on someone not worth it when there's a man out there looking for EXACTLY YOU
i get what u r saying n i agree but today when hanging with friends or doing anything.. i dunno just missed him... or miss the fun we would have by talking. it seemed weird. he does not want to b friend bc well i angrily said screw the friendship. i was angry but called n apologized.. shouldn't have been mean. i texted but now no response.. thinking when ge teaches next at his work i may go see him. n have a proper face to face conversation.
Sounds more to me like you need closure more then anything... but hide the crazy because the crazy always gets ya in trouble lmao... but id smear dog food all over his car and write WIFEY on it lol
im saying how does one know that the person they are with.. is marriage material or not...
No you were saying will he realize how much he lost by ditching you. The shit is unfair, sometimes they're everything you need but they're just getting nothing from you
well yeah i. mean he said he likes being with me. we had so. much fun. talking was easy. we didn't have to try hard. yesterday hanging with my friends seemed a bit dark. it was like i miss him a lot. he won't reply to my text n calls. so im going to go this coming week to talk to him n make him see face to face if not getting closure at least friendship
Sounds good. Hang in there and all that
thanks. do u think he woll come back? should i ask him for us to b together? i wonder.
Thats up to him. I mean what if you beg for him to come back and then it'll always be the relationship where he might like you less but you just nagged him into staying? Eugh. Just leave it up to him and brace your tits for the inevitable impact if he still doesn't want to get back together. You'll be fine either way, it just sucks right now.
yeah it does suck right now. no sleep. not eating much. going out friends is not the same. going on dates is not the same. he n i we had a connection n i want that. i dunno mayb in more time he needs to build it for me. though 20 months been together
He might not feel the same about you, ever, and you need to be ok with that
how can one think that after 20 months. been through so much. said he appreciated me out of all the other people he met.
He still left you, so that's kind of beside the point. He either lied or stopped feeling that way