I'm hopelessly lost in break up depression?

umm.. hi. so. I'm Shane. I'm from Ireland. good to met ya'. I met a girl in march on g+. Amy. from the Netherlands. beautiful sweet and kind etc... we dated for months. she cheated. I forgave her. as it turns out this wasn't the "pressured to send a tit pic" she said at first but the guy got a collection of nudes. then three months later she cheated. I forgave her. he was 21 and she was 12. she told me she didn't love me and we became friends with benefits. this didn't work out because she kept baiting me with love etc... then she got angry at her home life, blamed me and blocked me. I tried EVERYTHING to get her back. I even threatened to send people her nudes. she came back, realised I couldnt after a few days then left forever. this was the start of July. I fell into a deep depression that I'm still in. I don't want to live in this world. I got another girlfriend, this one in America. I like her but I'd still go back to Amy, and disgustingly still message her, to at least talk to me. im suicidal and convinced I'm worthless. Amy has a screwed up life at home. I wanted to help make her happy. and I'm the villain? I'm unable to talk to girls in real life. I have aspergers. I'm a nerd and not very attractive, and there's nobody to meet here anyway.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Love, you are 15. Please, please, please do not end your life. If she is 12 and sending photos without her clothes on to adults, I think she is the one with issues. You shouldn't have threatened her to make her stay, but her issues are not your fault. You have so much time ahead of you. There are billions of other girls. Do not terminate your life because of just one. I understand that you feel alone and worthless. I have also felt that way at certain points in my life. If it gets really bad, please go see a therapist. I have seen a few, and they have made me feel so much better about myself. But what you need to do are things that make you happy, to contribute to the world, that give you a feeling of worth and purpose. Pick up a hobby or join a club. Something where you can interact with real people. But I guess I am a bit of a hypocrite. I spend my time outside of university working on cars, reading, and playing video games. These are all things that are done without other people, as I have very few real friends. That used to make me sad, but I realized that I just need to be open, kind, and honest, and people will see me as someone who they can be friends with. This will work for you too love. Just remember, this is not the end of the world. It may feel like it, but I promise that there is more to life than this pain. This too shall pass. Good luck. :-)

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    • you're right. thank you.

    • No problem love. :-)

    • the fact that your right dosnt mean I'm going to take it onboard... I get great advice but I never follow it... I don't see much of a point in this life really. I'v spent the last decade being forced through tedious repetive tasks, and will do so until I finish college. then... I don't know.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Our level of happiness doesn't come from what happens to us, it comes from how we react to what happens to us.

    Because you're depressed you're not going to hear any advice we have to give, so save this advice for when you're already feeling better. Because you're like a drunk who's trying to drive... you shouldn't.

    You're depressed, you shouldn't be making life decisions or even thinking about things that matter. How you FEEL will blind you from the truth of your situation.

    But I'll give my advice anyways...

    Feelings aren't facts.

    How you feel isn't reality. Feelings come from the emotional lizard brain we have... it's emotional and instinctual. It's not logical or even appropriate most of the time. It's just reactionary. Someone rejects us, or we think we've been rejected, we feel terrible. It's perfectly healthy and normal!

    Since I'm not in your scenario it's super easy for me to say this... her cheating on you is the best thing she could have done. Why? Because it exposes who she is at her core... selfish and insecure and an asshole.

    The real problem is that you seem to think so poorly about yourself that you think you deserve to be with someone who's an asshole to you.

    So she's being honest.. she's saying "I'm a cheater" and you're saying "I forgive you , it's okay" which is also you saying "I deserve to be with an asshole because I'm a loser" ... and so why would she want to be with a guy who's willing to date an asshole? She's not.

    So the core issue is you, and how you see yourself.

    Because we would never let someone treat us worst than we already are willing to treat ourselves.

    If you want a new wonderful girlfriend you must first seek help with the depression (doctor, therapy, conversation with friends, loving self talk) and THEN you can start to rebuild how you TALK to yourself.

    Your relationship with YOU is what determines what women you'll attract into your life. That's the foundations of self esteem and confidence... not what others think of you... but what YOU think of you.

    You know you're a sweet guy with a huge heart.. you just need to remind yourself of that. Focus on your strengths, your inner pride, and your life skills. Build yourself. Focus on yourself. And stop chasing girls as a way of having self esteem.

    It's called becoming a man because of how you domestic yourself... not because of what women are in your life.

    I hope this helps,
    ~ Robby

    (Blog: https://www.fullofhateandreadytodate.com/ )

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    • I see where your coming from... I don't know how to get help though. I talked to my parents but I couldn't admit it was because of a girl 900km away and I couldn't admit I feel suicidal... so they just chalked it up to sadness and we all just kinda ignored it. I don't have anybody to talk to about it but my online friends... my life hasn't had any meaning before her. and I finally found a meaning and it HATES me. I have nothing to offer a girl but weirdness and a limited emotional range. I'm willing to forgive her because it makes me feel like the better person. but I hate being the better person for some reason. I want to pretend she's still the girl I loved. but she's not.

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    • When people have low vitamin D levels their hormones can call apart and depression is one side effect. Does that mean those people shouldn't take supplements because they don't want to have a life filled with chemicals?

      Don't be silly.

      When you're depressed enough to talk about suicide you can either decide death is a better alternative to taking a pill, or you can grow up a little and ask for help.

      If your brain is imbalanced then you're currently choosing to live a life feeling like shit. It makes no sense to avoid getting help.

      Plus you're probably just fine, outside of feeling shitty.

      Your first move should be to get educated on how our brains work... specifically how our thoughts bring us happiness and sadness. Read the book I recommended asap. If that doesn't help, then ask your local doctor for advice.

      Also, mention to your parents that you're suicidal. They don't need to know WHY, that's not important.

      Man HUG from Canada.
      :D

    • man hug back from Ireland. your right. better the supplements then the noose

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What Girls Said 3

  • Hi Shane,
    I hope this will speak to you more, coming from someone your age. I have a very dear friend I've known since kindergarten who has Aspergers and it breaks my heart to hear you use it as one of the reasons you are upset with your life.

    Life does not rely on people of the opposite gender. What are the things you love to do? Who are the people you see every day and have impacted your life?

    I know it feels like no one will ever understand you; that people who say they know what it feels like have no idea what YOU feel because you feel like no one else in the world feels and understands the pain YOU feel. You know that others feel pain every day but for some reason, you deem yourself different and come to the conclusion that your pain is a lonely one that no one else understands but yourself.

    This is partly true, only you can completely understand your feelings. That's why you are the most powerful one to help yourself out. As hard and impossible as it may seem, throw away all those sad feelings and set goals for the person you want to be. Do you want to be hard working? Dedicated? Ambitious? Committed? Push your limit every day to be the best person you can possibly be. Nothing feels better than doing the best you can and becoming someone you are proud to be.

    From the details you've provided, it seems that you have situtional depression which can be cured without medication.

    I suggest talking to someone who is close with you and who you trust. And don't forget to keep setting goals every day, and make a promise to yourself you won't stop until you meet that goal every day

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  • Tl;dr. The pain will go away. Just cut off all connection to that person and go about your life. Almost a year ago I got cheated on and dumped and thought I could never be happen and that I could never get over the guy. But now I'm perfectly fine and really content with where I am. Time heals all wounds for sure.

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    • it's impossible to cut all connection. All my friends are also hers. not all that great friends considering they won't just leave her...

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    • Easy fix: block and unfriend.

    • long done but the name still pops up

  • As a Dutch girl myself you are better off without us. We are hot and sweet but have tons of issues. We like older taller bigger men that make us feel small. And we like the taste of lips that are going to leave us behind we get over things too easily and family is everything even if said family is destroying us. Let her go. Take the advice or leave it. It only matters to you.

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    • there's nothing I can do is there? no secret dutch wooing method?

    • Nah not really. You managed to get her once. Thats more than most people can say.

    • I talked to her current boyfriend. all of. a sudden i don't care about her anymore. she was a filthy whore

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