Going crazy with pain, thinking of my ex's future?

Next Monday my husband will divorce me. The reason is that he thinks I am too attached to him and "smothering" him, while I think he doesn't really behave like a husband. In fact, latelly he was living like he was single, texting other girls that he missed them and wanted to travel with them, disappearing some nights and meeting new people literally everyday. He would later compare me - although not explicitly - with these people, and accuse me of not being able to enjoy life, of being depressive and of keeping him from being happy. Rationally, I am aware that in a few months I may realise that this divorce was for the best, but for now I just cry every day and feel like I will die soon. What brings me more pain, though, is not that he leaves me, but that he will leave me to meet SOMEONE ELSE to take my role as his partner, wife or not.
This brings me incredible pain. Looking at couples traveling together punches my chest, because it was what I dreamt of doing with him. Seeing happy families with babies also makes me depressed, because I wish I could have these experiences with him. When I think of him leaving home and finding his new corner somewhere in the city I think who will live with him next, share chores with him, see him when they wake up, see him naked, kiss him before going to work, even sharing money with him and caring for finances together, like we enjoyed doing... it literally kills me, I feel like I cannot breathe. I look at random girls in the street and think if she is the type he would choose next. What could any girl give him that I didn't give? We had great sex, good plans together, we enjoyed similar activities, I pretty much supported him in every goal and dream, from quitting smoking to producing music or even quitting a job he didn't like. Did you feel like this when you broke up, or do you think I have serious abandonment issues and am doing well to seek counseling? I am so lost and hate feeling this way, I am truly suffering and unhappy...


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What Guys Said 2

  • Before I begin I want to say that it is good you posted this here. In times like these, the first step is to write down what you are feeling and sharing it. That alone can give some relief.

    From how you wrote this, I can tell you are very much in touch with your own feelings. I don't think I have to tell you that the divorce is not, in any way, your fault. This does not make it hurt less, but it is important to remember this regardless. Nothing you did or didn't do caused this; you did good. Yes, he said you were too attached, but that is on him. If he loved you as much as you love him, there would be no problem. His recent action show he had made up his mind some time ago. I personally find it frankly repulsive he would act like this while he's still with you.

    Yet, all this doesn't change the fact that this hurts.
    The pain is inevitable, but temporary. I promise you, it will get better soon. The pain you feel is a testament to how fully you gave yourself in your marriage. In a twisted way, it is something to be proud of; it really is. When you eventually look back on this day and this marriage, you will find solace in the fact that you gave it your absolute all. There will be no wondering "what if I really went for it" or "what if I put more effort into it?". You gave your all; and that is as much as anyone can ever ask of you.

    What you are feeling is not unusual. For exactly that reason, it is a good reason to seek counseling. You do not have to be crazy to seek help and there is no doubt in my mind that it will help you cope with the pain you are feeling now. For the time being, I will share with you what helps me in times like these. I listen to music which fits whatever situation I am in. This confronts me directly with what I am feeling, but it also helps me deal with it head-on. It is amazing how close music can get to what I am feeling.
    I have search through my music and found a song which fits your situation. You have to decide for yourself whether you like or hate this. The song is called Love by Daughter, you can find it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5MpD6b-bkE

    If you have anything else you want to get off your chest or if there is anything I can do to help, do not hesitate to ask me.
    You can and will get through this. All you need to do is be strong and allow yourself the room to cope. I wish the very best of luck.

  • Hun you should be happy. He doesn't appreciate any of what you do for him. You'll find a guy that will. Think of the bright future ahead and you'll be happier. This is for the best


What Girls Said 1

  • It's not unusual at all to have those feelings especially since you both were married. I know it's extremely hard and I can't say you'll feel amazing soon but the pain will lessen. No, you don't have abandonment issues because you feel the way you do. Everything you're thinking and going through is perfectly legitimate. I think the best you can do is give it some time. Think about doing healthy things that will distract you and make you happy. In any case, it's not a bad idea to seek counseling. Going to a counselor doesn't mean you're abnormal. A counselor can definitely help you and relieve some of the stress you feel!


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