Going crazy with pain? Imagining my ex's future?

Next Monday my husband will divorce me. The reason is that he thinks I am too attached to him and "smothering" him, while I think he doesn't really behave like a husband. In fact, latelly he was living like he was single, texting other girls that he missed them and wanted to travel with them, disappearing some nights and meeting new people literally everyday. He would later compare me - although not explicitly - to these people, and accuse me of not being able to enjoy life, of keeping him from being happy. Rationally, I am aware that in a few months I may realise that this divorce was for the best, but for now I just cry every day and feel like I will die soon. What brings me more pain, though, is not that he leaves me, but that he will leave me to meet SOMEONE ELSE to take my role as his partner, wife or not.
This brings me incredible pain. Looking at couples traveling together punches my chest, because how his next girl will look like next to him, what countries they will visit together. Seeing happy families with babies also makes me depressed, because I think how his babies with someone else will look like. When I think of him leaving home and finding his new corner somewhere in the city I think who will live with him next, share chores with him, see him when they wake up, see him naked, kiss him before going to work, or care for finances together, like we enjoyed doing... it literally kills me, I feel like I cannot breathe. I look at random girls in the street and think if she is the type he would choose next. What could any girl give him that I didn't? We had great sex, good plans together, we enjoyed similar activities, I pretty much supported him in every goal and dream, from quitting smoking to producing music or even quitting a job he didn't like. Did you feel like this when you broke up, or do you think I have serious abandonment issues and am doing well to seek counseling? I am so lost and hate feeling this way, I am truly suffering and unhappy...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Why did you marry this grade a asshole again?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's normal to feel heartbroken, better to experience it now though then 10 years down the road when you would have more to lose... Doesn't sound like he was ready for marriage... The pain will gradually get better, it will take time and you will likely go through different stages of grief... My boyfriend and I broke up 9 months ago and it still hurts, but I don't cry and feel anxiety like I did... I'll cry every now and then hearing a song or watching a movie that makes me sad, your young you will meet a great guy who wants to love you and will be ready for a relationship... good luck !

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • I am so sorry. I can't possibly imagine what you are going through but it will get better:)

    You sound like a very committed and loving girl and sooo many men would look for a girl who could love and support him like that.

    Stop comparing yourself to other girls, it won't make you feel any better nor is it going to change the situation. You are so focused on the small scale issue that you are blinding yourself to the larger picture that's ahead of you! It's okay to be sad and I think it is incredibly important to acknowledge the fact that you are sad, but do it in a way that you aren't dumping all the weight on yourself by attacking yourself in your mind by comparing other girls. Talk it out with your girlfriends or family. If you don't have any girlfriends or family members that you trust or feel comfortable with, write things out.

    Go out more often even when you don't feel like it. Set a goal for something you are going to do that day and write it somewhere you will see. Also what I like to do is I have a go-to activity that I turn to as soon as I am feeling sad, hurt, angry or any other pessimistic mood. Whenever you feel like burst of pain, immediately go to that activity and don't excuse yourself from it. Make it a routine. Choose something that calms you down. For me, I always go to the gym when I'm the slightest bit upset because the emotional pain converts to a good physical pain from running or working muscles hard.

    Lastly, just accept what is happening. As long as you do your best with whatever you can even if it doesn't change anything, you know there is nothing you can do but you did your absolute best and you should be so proud of that. Best of luck and I know you will be okay:)

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  • Heartbreak is normal. Best thing to do is block anything that reminds you of him and move on

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