Is he over his ex?

My boyfriend was telling me about his ex (after I asked how many serious relationships he has actually been in. Even though it wasn't really serious. It was a fling) My boyfriend said his ex had everything he could ever want in a woman but she did some pretty awful things to him. That hurt me but I ignored it. I brought it up about a week later (cause she called him and I was acting nervous) and he told me 'I THOUGHT she had everything I wanted but I was wrong. You've had her beat from day one." He says she was a bitch to him but they are still good friends. Every guy I've known that is still friends with an ex (especially one that he obviously has some animosity towards) isn't totally over her. He told me last night that he stopped talking to her for me. I NEVER asked him to do that. But he said he felt like he had to because I admitted I was jealous (which was being honest. You have to be honest about how you feel). Then he said 'she's probably p*ssed off and wondering what's wrong' and he started to cry. I said 'wow you do still love her don't you?' and he got up and told me to 'get the f*** out' and walked away. I told him to stop and if he didn't really love her to come back to me that instant. He stared at me for a second, looked away and then walked over to me and hugged me and said 'I don't love her anymore'. But is that the truth... I don't know. I've been cheated on and/or left for an ex a few times before and I don't want it to happen again. I know she has a boyfriend but WHAT IF? What if they break up and she wants my boyfriend back? We've only been together for a few weeks but we've connection so strongly in this short time. I feel like I can be completely honest with him, which is why I told him his ex makes me nervous and I don't want to lose him. Most guys I would just ignore it.

Updates:
*connected not connection.
He told me he hasn't talked to her in almost 2 weeks and is ignoring her calls and texts. Of course there is no way to know IF that is true unless I were to maybe go through his phone but I don't want to do that.
He also has some problems (pretty big ones) and says even though his ex was a bitch to him and hurt him she is still a 'wonderful vibrant person' and he needs all the friends he can get right cause he doesn't have many. That is true. He does need friends.
- But is he friends with his ex for support or because he's still in love with her? He also said once 'No I didn't love her. I thought I did but she doesn't deserve it'. But to cry because he's worried she's mad at him for ignoring her? I don't know...
Oh and he was kind of drunk and SUPER tired during this conversation... If that makes a difference...
Well I've thought about it and decided I'm going to write him a letter. I don't want to give him an ultimatum. I know that is unfair and can lead to resentment. But he has to be honest with not only me but HIMSELF about what he wants.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Hello,

    In a nutshell NO he's not over his ex, she still has her grips on him and its clear part of him still wants the emotional connection to her becouse he hasn't cut her off yet. its good that your intuition is telling you that there's a problem and your not just ignoring it, so many people try to rationalise there intuition and this only leads to more pain down the road.

    you need to be carefull with this guy becouse that little emotional outburst..you know the whole crying and "get the F**K out" is a sign he has little self control and its not fair that he directed it at you, what this tells me and should tell you is that he will take his exes consideration over yours.

    what this man needs to do is grow up and cut his ex off. whilst she is in his life your going to be dating an emotional train wreck that could spark of in your direction at any moment.

    Now how much pain you can take through this is up to you, but unless he makes a concious effort to do what I said he needs to do in the next 2 weeks I would sugest looking else ware for a partner.

    Good Luck

    -Chris

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    • Well what do I do? Tell him to pick me or their friendship? I don't want to be controling. He says he's been ignoring her 'for me' (almost feels like he's blaming me, which he 'says' he isn't. He 'says' he did it because he loves me and practically begs me not to leave him) They've been broken up for a year. I REALLY feel for this guy.

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    • I stated to him VERY CLEARLY from the beginning (like first or second date) that I would NOT date anybody who wasn't completely over their ex. He could have left it at that and moved on from me. But no he decided to keep calling me every day and wanting to see me. And now he's said he's fallen in love with me. And I can feel myself getting there (just very scared) and it's the first time I've felt this way in years. So wtf do I do... I'm always running away. It's what I'm good at.

    • Running away is the natural reaponse for most women who have been hurt in the past and there current date is going to fast..himm telling you that he loves you for example, most people think that expressing yourself romanticaly thorugh workds is the way forward but its not. people are very good at lieing about how they feel but there very bad at acting like they love you when they dont. work based on his actions and not what he says.

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