I know there's probably so many questions about this, but how do you all get over a heartache?

My ex and I officially cut strings last night. We both still love each other and care for one another except my love for him is a romantic kind of love his isn't. He told me that he tried so hard to love me but failed to do so. We're still trying to be some what friends but right now I'm not talking to him because I need some space but having this space away from him makes me feel like I'm dying. My chest hurts so bad. I've been laying in bed not going anywhere for the past 6 days (mostly because my car is broken). It feels like someone won't stop stabbing me in the heart. I don't have friends to really talk to about this because none of them have ever been in a relationship before. its so cliché to say but I feel like I can't go on or really be happy without him. I'm like a stupid little puppy that won't stop following him around.

how you do people move past this? Like what do you do? Don't say it'll just take time to go away because I don't think I can sit here and wait for this pain to just disappear.


Most Helpful Guy

  • My dear, I can very much sympathize with what you're feeling and it is a stern test for sure. It is true that time will make the emotions peter out some but there is a much better way to get better.

    You have to realize that it's just your mind creating these feelings. For example, you could imagine another girl reacting with indifference to what has just been dealt you, right? It's YOU who processes it this way, and that's what's causing the pain. Two things about this:

    You once learned to walk and it was kind of frustrating and took a long time. But you kept at it and get better and better because you knew what you wanted. And then you got it. Same way with love: this guy isn't the right fit for you simply because he's not in love with you. Your perfect match IS in love with you and will want to be with you any which way. So look at it as part of learning to walk i. e. learning what a great match looks like. Remember, in fact really think about WHAT it is you love so much about him and only think about that. Don't focus on the negative things.

    Your mind is rebelling and your ego is screaming "gimme gimme gimme" but your inner voice is always calm, so learn to listen to her. Learn to meditate. It's like quitting smoking or overeating. It seems so justified to smoke/eat/feel hurt that your lover isn't there, but it's just a smoke screen.

    You have everything you need: after all, here you are, in perfect health and albeit crying, you're fine. So you have everything you need but you act like your life is over just because some boy said something.

    Practice meditation and breathing. Focus on being calm and feeling your inner sense of happiness.

    I hope this gives you a little perspective and hope that you may get much better, quickly :-) If you have any questions about any of this and want to know more, let me know.

    And if this sounds crazy, then just take it easy, you will really not die from this. I have dealt and been dealt and I've never been happier...
    Good luck.

    • It's not crazy sounding at all. I actually try to meditate every night. I've studied and have tried to live by the law of attractions. It's just lately when I even try to meditate he just pops into my head and how much I miss sleeping with him in his bed than alone and in mine. I can't sleep anymore but when I do I wake up even more tired. Just even getting up to turn on the light drains me and I feel the need to sleep but I can't. I listen to this motivational speaker and he says to fill the hole in your heart with love for yourself and everything but it feels impossible for me to do. I gave this guy everything and I'm seriously unconditionally in love with him I'd do anything for him.
      I just wish he could love me the way that I love him.

    • I completely understand and you are doing the right things. Here is a piece you may not have considered. HE is a manifestation of characteristics and attributes that YOU summoned. I know you know what I mean. But the consequence is that the person is just one of thousands of possible manifestations. As long as you can remember the good things and be in that loving space, you're moving closer to the next manifestation, with him or another.

      Try and go a little more general, think about the attributes, not the person so much. after all, before you met him you didn't know him. But if you look back, you had thoughts about the attributes he would have, right? Take a look.

      And now, continue to do this work and monitor your state of mind. as long as it feels good, stay with the thought. When you feel yourself go negative, release it and go general. Since you're a student of the LoA I recommend Jerry and Esther Hicks's books. They are brilliant, just like you are.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You have to realize that you can and will fall in love with someone who will love you back. Just tell yourself that you are awesome and whoever rejected you, it's their loss. You will make a man happy, just not that one. Turn to God. Turn to any friend who you can talk to. Just know that it is ok to feel hurt because rejection hurts. It's ok to want to be loved and not being loved hurts. Just be patient. True love will find you. I was in love with a guy for 8 years and he never loved me back and I asked him and he said he only loved me like a sister. I am married to someone else now and I am working on it. Just keep trying


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I'm going to be blunt, it won't ever go away and you'll never feel this way again the same way towards another person. When you feel this strongly and intimately about someone, you can't simply turn it off like a light switch. It isn't something that a person can just shut down and wish away or hope it goes away with time. You were such a part of each other's lives; how could anyone truly and realisticially expect a person to just get over someone like that no matter how much time went by or how much therapy you undertook.

    Look, in all honesty, there is no real way to get over what you're feeling. You're going to feel like your dying; like your whole world is coming to an end. There is absolutely no way to stop what you're feeling, therefore, don't. I'm not saying do nothing, I'm saying don't ignore what you're feeling, but instead embrace it. Think of it like someone afraid of the dark. You don't ignore the problem, you face it head on. You force yourself to sit in the dark little by little, let's say, until the fear gradually becomes less and less. The fear never completely goes away, but you learn to control it better so it doesn't control you instead.

    For a relationship that ended and has left you with heartache, my advice is to do something similar. You don't surppress what you're feeling, but you don't let it control you either. You don't want to live in the past, because that's not healthy, but what you can do to lessen the impact it's having over you is to just let the emotions flow through you rather than over you. Let yourself cry. Let yourself rant and rave. Let yourself scream.

    Let yourself feel all the emotions you're going to feel, and yes you're going to wear yourself out and you're going to feel awful and you're going to get depressed, but little by little how the memories of what you shared together as to what you now have lost with have a less and less impact on you emotionally and mentally as it does now and little by little you'll gain back control.

    • ( Continued...)

      You wake up each day and force yourself to do something fun. You make yourself get out of bed, get dressed, go to work or school as you normally do; to go through the motions of what you typically do, even if you are doing them alone now, and slowly your mind will adjust to not having him in your life. Slowly your heart will adjust to the emotional input it was use to while you were together and you will learn to live again on your own.

      I have been through what you're experiencing. I know from first hand experience what it's like and I know because of that experience what can work to make it better if you're willing to allow it to work for you. It is not going to be easy and you're going to have you good days and your bad ones and then you're going to have your really bad days and you'll also have some really good ones, but in the end, you can learn to move past this and get on with your life, because life doesn't stop just because relationships end and like lif

    • like life, you have to learn to keep going and not stop either. That's my bottom line.

What Girls Said 3

  • TIME.

    There's nothing else. You WILL hurt, you will cry, you will go through hell initially. This is normal, you'll survive and many people had to endure it (myself included). Try to spend as much time with loved ones and to keep busy. I also found that reading breaking up guides and books helped me to get ideas and to make me feel less alone in the battle. But you have to understand that a break up is not easy for anyone and no one can just pick themselves up a day or two after a break up. It takes much longer than that so you'll have to accept it now. The quicker you realize that you need time to heal and come to terms with facing your raw emotions, the better.

    Other things to try is to remind yourself of the bad things about him (Write it out and look at it a lot), journal everything (your emotions especially), exercise (to build confidence), go shopping or do something to symbolize change like getting highlights or trying something exciting with your hair.

    it's important to just find the person you were before you met him. You were a fully functional human before, so you can definitely be one after.

  • I suffer and cry in silence. Crying makes you feel better. After a few heartaches you learn how to trick yourself into feeling great. First off... NO sad songs!!!
    If you have headphones, put them on and blast them with good jams. Take a walk around the block and of need to.. walk further.
    Being active helps, but since you don't have a car, you can google, How to get your ex back. It's the dumbest thing I have ever done but it puts it in your head to fight for your man with silence.. then with action and then you plan your revenge by working out and looking good. Before you know it, it's been 2 months and you are still thinking about him, but you realize that you are not hurting anymore. Hope it helps you.

  • Try distracting yourself, spending time with loved ones

    • I try to but all my relatives live an he away and I have no way of visiting them and my best friend who I live with is always out and about with this guy she just started seeing or she has her friends over. I don't really have anyone to talk to.

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