How do you cope after coming out of a narcissistic relationship?

After almost 4 years, my ex decided to break up with me. Looking back on the relationship, I've realised he was very narcissistic and controlling. I didn't see it at the time because he also has depression, so I thought that was the cause for treating me badly.
It's been 2 weeks since the break up, and while I am still grieving, I haven't lost my self worth. It was a bit low to begin with, and I was questioning myself thinking it must have been my fault, but I've had really supportive work mates and friends to help me through. I now know that I AM attractive and deserve better. The only thing that is on my mind is how long the healing process is. I've read many online articles that have stories of people who took years to get over the pain, but I know it wasn't my fault, it was all his. Am I supposed to feel a certain way after the break up?


Most Helpful Guy

  • The good thing is you know you are attractive and deserve better. You did not allow him to drag you down to his level. There is no one way you should feel or length of time to expect after a break up. Everyone handles a break up differently and moves on at their own pace. So when you feel ready to move on to a new relationship then I would say go for it


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What Guys Said 2

  • No, if you are not going to blame yourself, you won't take years to get over the break up.

    But be very careful about jumping into a new commitment; regardless of fault, maybe you tend to choose problematic people? Analyze this about yourself now that you are free!

    Good luck.

    • Thank you. This is what I'm concerned about. I'm not rushing to be in another relationship, but if I do meet someone that seems the opposite of my ex, eg. is willing to take things slow and at my place and respect my boundaries, then why shouldn't I be able to date them?

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    • I'll be careful. I just know that his rushing to have sex etc was a narcissist trait.

  • Focus on urself
    Build up

    • I was questioning myself thinking it must have been my fault,

      He knows how to make you feel that
      Thank God you don't have something permanent like baby , healing is hard , but the most thing gonna fix you is to succeed as person nd be happy
      And believe me npd people is too fragile that if he saw you happy and successful his life will be literally meaningless

What Girls Said 3

  • I think you are doing well right now. The important thing is that you realize you have a support system and you are utilizing them. It is good to share with others in times like these. Stay strong!

    • Thank you. I'm quite surprised how well I'm taking it, actually. In previous relationships, I would take it quite badly after being dumped, but I don't know what changed this time. I am very aware that he is a sick person. Everything that he did to me was disgusting, but it won't affect my self esteem. It's his issue, but mine. I have many people around me that prove that I AM lovable.

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    • Now I do... you are a great story teller 😄😄😄

    • Thank you. I've had that compliment from when I was a child.
      There needs to be more empowered stories of survivors.

  • I think the reason it may be hard looking back is that you didn't get any type of closure from it. He just walked out without really apologizing for how he treated you. If anyone should have walked out, it should have been you, but he got the luxury of doing that first, as if he got away with what he did and never truly owned up to his mistakes.

    Many of us have been in situations where people mistreat us and we're silent or obvious to it. It isn't until later that we look back and realize what happened and wished we could have done things differently. Even if he did have depression, a person's depression is no excuse EVER, to mistreat anybody. He doesn't get to hide behind that.

    You are still VERY young, and have our whole life ahead of you to meet all sorts of wonderful people. Don't regret anything, but instead, take this as a learning experience to help you grow and better detect red flags before they raise too high.

    • Thank you. I will be learning from this. I don't need closure this time though. I know he was in the wrong, not me. I did my best to thrive in the relationship, but it didn't happen because he was so focused on just criticising and controlling me.
      He did say that I deserve better, and at first I thought it was just an excuse to break up with me, along with the other stuff he said, but now I know I actually do deserve way better then what he ever gave me.

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    • Well, sounds like you have it together then

    • Almost. Just need to work out how much I need to save and how much I can afford on groceries etc

  • Pain is caused by what we think about, not what you've been through. People tend to focus and dwell on what was and what could have been. Plus, on the happier times during the relationship

    Just be thankful you aren't with a guy you thought you deserved. The people who pursue a happy future after a failed relationship are the ones who accept the past for what it was, live in the present moment , and look towards a happier future

    He controlled your happiness when you were with him, so take that control back and refuse to allow him to control anymore of your life.

    Rebuild your life, and regain your confidence and strength

    • Thank you! I never thought of it like that. The first few days I was dwelling on the past and they life we had together, but I became more aware of the type of person he is, and accepted that he did serve a purpose in those happy moments but it's well and truly time to move on from him because I deserve to have a loving relationship.

    • I'm happy you realise your own worth ❤. Just try to forget what you want, and remember what you deserve. I wish you the best 🌷

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