You know when you have a bad breakup? If your ex starts talking shit about you/insulting you, do you think they really think what they say or it's just a matter of anger etc?
I got this message from my ex boyfriend after two months of silence between us, I really couldn't care less about his words because he's the most immature person ever but I'm trying to figure out if that one is his real opinion about me and if he thought those things when we were together and if he lied all the time.
Most Helpful Guy
I know it must be very upsetting to get this kind of message. Several people have asked why tis important since it’s over anyway but it just is. You’re wondering if you’ve lived a lie etc.
Joygirl makes a great point suggesting that you have been judging him and so he’s acting the same.
I know you don’t mean to and we have nearly all of us been taught to react to and judge people’s behavior and sort of grade it on a correctness and “do I like it” scale. If it fails, this person is now “immature” “narcissistic” “a cheater” etc.
However, like JoyGirl brilliantly says, and I paraphrase, when you’re judging, you’re judging and you can’t get anything else except judgement from others.
I would bet you had started thinking negative thoughts about him before and during the breakup. What went through your mind every time he crossed your thoughts after the breakup? Just look and you’ll probably find a lot of negative thoughts.
Again, you don’t mean to do this, it’s how we were all brought up: to justify negative thinking and judging others when we see something we don’t like.
But it just doesn’t work because after we have labeled him “psycho”, well, like you said, the only conclusion is that, like you said, you wasted a whole year.
The truth is, there was, and is, love between you, and there always will be. Right now it’s being obscured because you both remember the bad stuff. But all you have to do is think back to when you met him for a bit, and remember how great it felt, to feel it again.
So I’d suggest you do that more, since it feels better. And see what happens. Don’t judge yourself, or him. You both went for it, together, and it was good for a long time.
I don’t know if this sounds crazy but give it a try and see if you feel better. After all, that’s the only thing that matters.
Best of luck.
Most Helpful Girl
Honey I have to agree with @enis_Penvy. You won't get the answers you want and it's only going to hurt you more. Take it from someone who's had her fair share of assholes in her life. Just move on from him honey - don't let him take up any more of your time you see better than him1