It is incredibly hard to forget the last 4 years of my life. Our memories are everywhere. Even moments, places and conversations we shared that I had completely forgotten now appear suddenly in my mind, and make me feel like I am being cut by a knife. Memories of our happy times together with our families, our vacations, sleeping together, preparing a meal together, going to college together, learning each other's languages... is killing me inside. I am so disappointed, angry and feel I have lost so much of my innocence and the belief I had in love that I don't want to live anymore. I feel that there's no point in living in a world of separation, where I am his ex, where he will speak about me to others in past tense, where I can never trust anybody else ever again. I am disgusted with my body, my mind, my personality, my failure to make this person happy. And now, yay, plus a divorce on my record. I decided to write here for anyone who will listen because I am afraid of myself - today, I have thought of suicide and how worthless my life is at least 5 times, in public transportation, at work, at lunch, wherever. Just the thought of having to tell people around me and my family members that I am divorced makes me sick to my stomach and want to be in peace. The closest thing I have to peace right now seems to be death. Just so you know, I am already in therapy and am surrounding myself with as many friends as I can, but this also hurts because they have long term boyfriend and gf's and are very happy, they haven't been through even half of what I have been through. Is this normal?
Most Helpful Guy
What you need to realize killing yourself will hurt your family and friends, those who loved you, those who prayed for your happiness, and strangers you may not know are glad your in there lives.
Now, you must figure out the problem and why it went south. Afterwards. Let it be that. The past. Your mind is channeling negativity through emotions and it's causing you to act wrongly. So I'd suggest you try to focus on the negatives and redirect to positive. Much like " this divorce hurts so bad, I can't live on, but I do have a reason to live. A purpose or reason to why I'm still breathing. Each day bring me closer to knowing it. For some reason I am being called to know your goal. what could it be?" Life can have huge challenges. And if you get through this you'll live help other victims as well.
I really think you have it in you, I know you have it. You must keep fighting. No matter how many tears. You got what it takes.
Most Helpful Girl
Yes, it is normal to be depressed after a long term relationship. I myself was in a 6 year relationship which ended almost 3 years ago. The first year was definitely the hardest but trust me when I say that time will heal all wounds. You are definitely doing something right by surrounding yourself with positive people. And if you feel like that is making you realize that you are single/ alone, you need to make a new set of friends that will also understand and support what you are going through. I am sure there are support groups like that in your area.
For me, my family helped a huge lot. And keeping myself active and busy also did the trick. I would join church groups, book clubs, charity orgs just to give back and in return make myself useful.
In time, you make a new set of people. As well as learn so much about yourself. If there are too many memories around you, go and travel. Somewhere foreign. You'd be surprised how much you are capable of and re-discover yourself.
If you have any questions, feel free to shoot me a message :) I am always here if you need a chat.
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